Writing Lesson: She Her Sally Sara - Clarifying...

One of the most common errors writers make is the incorrect or over usage of pronouns. Generally (but not always) pronouns refer to a noun, an individual or individuals, thing or things (the pronoun's antecedent) whose identity is clearly established earlier in the text. When you have text that deals with two or more same sex characters, these pronouns can become confusing.

When you have a text with just one gender character, you can run on and on calling the character him/her or he/she. Granted, you may want to throw his or her name in every once in awhile to remind the reader who your character is, but other than that, there is little problem with referring to the character in the pronoun form.

When there are two same gender characters, though, you need to be very careful to make sure it is clear to which character you are referring. Writers often make the assumption that this is understood, and the average reader may very well understand it. However, what may be clear to the writer could read totally differently to a reader.

Here is an example of pour use of pronouns:

Sara began playing the intro, but Sally missed her cue. She looked at her and smiled, trying to ease her fears. She had been a difficult student, but even so, her heart went out to her now. She repeated the intro again for her, and this time Sally started to sing. Then just as suddenly, she lost her nerve, stopped, and ran out of the church in tears.

The two characters have been clearly identified in the first sentence; however, most of the pronoun references after this point are unclear. A reader can make assumptions and probably figure out which she/her is which, but your job as a writer is to make reading easy and enjoyable. Use pronouns sparingly in these situations and only when it is very clear to whom you are referring. Here is a corrected version of the same paragraph:

Sara began playing the intro, but Sally missed her cue. Sara looked at the frightened child and smiled, trying to ease the small girl’s fears. Sally had been a difficult student, but even so, Sara's heart went out to her now. Sara repeated the intro again for Sally, and this time a weak voice came from the girl as she began to sing. Then just as suddenly, Sally lost her nerve, stopped, and ran out of the church in tears.

Now, let's take a closer look at how this paragraph was improved. First, a character name was used at least once in each sentence. Second, to help avoid the noise of repetitive names (necessary to provide clarity but can become burdensome to the reader) other forms of description were utilized to clarify the character in reference. In this paragraph, Sally is not only referred to as “she” and “her,” but also as a "frightened child," "small girl," and "the girl." The character names and pronouns are used when clarity is needed most, but are not over used.

As I stated previously, misuses of pronouns are rampant problems for many writers. Some careful attention in revision can help alleviate these errors and give your readers a more enjoyable and less confusing experience. Attention to details as described here will attract the attention of editors, agents and publishers as well. These people, who can make or break a writer’s dreams, are the first and most important readers a writer will want to impress. Take the time to look at your writings to see if you need to address this issue. The time spent can only improve your chances of becoming a published author.

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Monica Kennedy is a Fiction Writer located in North East Tennessee. She is currently editing her first novel, I’ll Fly Away. Keep up with all of her Gather publishings at www.daydreambeliever.gather.com.