Restless Mommy

I recently came across this essay, which I wrote two years ago and never pursued getting it published. Upon reviewing it I still think it’s funny and thought you might enjoy it. Let me know what you think. 

I’m 38 weeks and four days pregnant with my third child, and I’m beginning to wonder if I’ll be pregnant forever. For those who’ve made it to 40 weeks and beyond, I’m sure you’re wondering, “What’s her problem?” But you must remember the anticipation – and impatience – as you neared your due date. The irritation at the seemingly innocent questions, “Are you still here?” and “You haven’t had that baby yet?” And the discomfort of a full-grown child (okay that may be a slight exaggeration) crowding your expanding abdomen. To say I’m surprised at still being pregnant is an understatement.

My second child, who is about 15 months old (he’s 3 now), arrived six weeks early, and despite my carefulness he began his impatience at a little more than four months gestation. My husband and I, along with our teenage daughter, who had to be there every step of the way, spent five instances in the hospital having my labor stopped. We would drag home bleary-eyed and relieved and most times my husband and daughter would go about their normal day while I tried to relax and remain pregnant for as long as possible. My son Andre proved impatient in utero and he’s impatient out. He kicked as if he was indignant at being kept trapped and even now he’ll kick, stomp, or try to throw himself to the floor if you interrupt what he’s doing and whines or cries if he doesn’t get exactly what he wants when he wants it. But the baby girl I’m carrying even kicks patiently. She slowly rolls from side to side or stretches leisurely as if she’s enjoying a summer vacation on the beach. It seems like no matter what I do -- walking, mopping, stooping – she’s determined to hang in there as long as possible. She is definitely patient, but is she too patient? 

I’m trying to look on the bright side: the baby is healthy and there could be any number of reasons she hasn’t made an entrance (or is it exit?) yet. Since health professionals don’t really know what triggers labor, I’ve come up with my own reasons as to why my labor hasn’t started yet:

1. She knows we don’t have a crib mattress for the second crib and she doesn’t want to share with her big brother.
2. She heard me talking about not having the forward-facing car seat for her brother and knows I want to wash the cover on the infant carrier before she arrives.
3. She can hear how spoiled her brother is and is trying to give him as much time to adjust as possible.
4. She’s tired of hearing her teenage sister talk about how she’s the baby and she was here first and she’s trying to give her as much time to adjust as possible.
5. Already the daddy’s girl, she heard my husband say he wants her to wait until at least the 10^th (it’s the 8^th) and she’s trying to get on his good side.
6. She doesn’t like the outfit I chose for her to come home in and she’s waiting for me to change my mind.
7. And, finally, she thinks she’s paying me back because I’ve said I’m ready to not be pregnant, but not necessarily ready to have another baby.