Two Word Challenge - True Lies (CRITIQUE WANTED) 3rd try

This is a two word challenge by the group Two Word Challenge, owned by Monica Kennedy and co-moderated by Kathryn - this is one of the challenges for the week. Gautami is the challenger. If you'd like to try these, join Monica's group! - Marilyn  Critique is welcomed and needed!

True Lies

I'd loved her almost since we met. Ironically, of all the places I've met women, I met her on the internet, and like many 20-something males and females, we began to see each other.  She said she was my soulmate. She still says that off and on. Not knowing what was going on with her and just seeing a bright, intelligent, sweet woman, I fell hard. Thinking of myself as a fairly bright guy who believes in soulmates, I thought I'd found my other half.

It was only afterwards that I found out that she was already married. I guess that's what she meant when she said our relationship would be complicated. Married wasn't anything I'd thought of though, as at the time we were out drinking and having a good old time. Later on, I found out that she wasn't just having a good old time, but that she was an alcoholic and drank all the time. She only told me enough of the truth to keep me enthralled by her. She tells true lies like a seasoned professional.

Still, she's beautiful to me, inside and out, though not without problems. She called me the other day, as is her habit and we had quite a talk. 

"Hey, wha s'up?" she asked me, though it was about 6am.

"I was sleeping or trying to. You're drunk!" I mumbled.

"Jus' a little whiskey, helps me think of ideas for stuff. Yanno, sketching out new painting stuff and all that. I can't do it when I'm sober --- no creativity there. Tortured souls need booze. Look through history; either drugs or booze. It helps -- don't you ever READ? I'll lose it all if I even tried to stop." she said.

True lies - how to argue with this one? She thinks it's true for her and maybe right now it is, but she's destroying herself. Damn.

"So, what if you tried it all without being drunk? What if you were better at it all?" I asked, knowing I was letting myself in for it.

Sobbing. Cursing.

"I can't! You have to unnerstann!" she shrieked through her tears. I realized she was drunker than I'd first thought as it was getting harder to figure out what she was saying.

"Calm down. This isn't doing either of us any good. Why'd you call me, to fight? Who bought you the booze this time?", knowing I probably shouldn't have asked that one.

"I AM calm! You're being an ass! Who d'you think bought me the booze? YOU wouldn't! Oh screw it and you."

Click.  OK, she hung up on me again, but I know she'll call back after awhile, hopefully when I'm not at work and be all sorry and sweet and probably not so drunk, or at least I hope she won't be. I want to help her, but I don't know how. I love her and can't seem to stop. Now I'm depressed and having panic attacks, so I'm going to counseling which is a good thing - but she's not.

She'd told me that as she is an artist, to quit drinking or get help would suffocate her creative genius. I argued with that for a long while and got absolutely nowhere, though I was amazed at how much she could defend her position. She's a bit too bright for her own good. Her arguments always make sense, though when I think them over later, they don't make sense in her situation and I know she knows that. She's telling me true lies, that would apply not to her situation but another one and that's about it. I can argue till I'm blue in the face and there would pop another out of her mouth. 

She calls me almost daily. Now she's my best friend, or so she says. Nothing romantic. I still love her and want to help her. I don't like it that I seem to have no control over my feelings. I know her husband, though till she told me she was married, I didn't know he was her husband. She told me the other day that she didn't love him and was going to divorce him. Yesterday, she'd changed her mind, or being drunk could have made both of the decisions for her.

I'd actually thought her husband was a nice guy, we drank together too, prior to me finding out they were married. Seems they don't really go out together. So it was just us guys drinking and getting smashed. Now that I know who he is, I can't stand him -- maybe he's standing in my way? Besides, he buys her booze so that's not helping either. I refused to buy her booze and of course, she got it from her husband, who just picked up a bottle when he went to the package store for himself. She's also called me when he's been screaming at her, though they've both been drunk then too. How I ever got into this mess, I'll never figure out. How I can have these feelings for another person who doesn't feel the same way and to boot, is married, is beyond crazy for me. I'm confused.

I don't quite know what to say to her drunkiness, since I've been there with her husband, also an alcoholic, in the ER with them both as she'd swallowed both lots of liquor and some pills, though never enough to get her admitted. She'd just tell the hospital Dr. that she made a mistake and wasn't trying to commit suicide, though she'd called me more than once telling me she was going to kill herself. What was truth here? More true lies. I hope that someday she'll see herself as I do and get her life together. For now, I listen to her true lies, and hope.

mn - 2007