The US Army found they had too many officers and decided to offer an early retirement bonus. They promised any officer who volunteered for retirement a bonus of $1000 for every inch measured in a straight line between any two points in his body. The officer got to choose what those two points would be.
The first officer who accepted, asked that he be measured from the top of is head to the tip of his toes. He was measured at six feet and walked out with a bonus of $72,000.
The second officer who accepted was a little smarter and asked to be measured from the tip of his outstretched hands to his toes.
He walked out with $96000. The third one was a grizzly old officer who, when asked where he would like to be measured replied "from the tip of my penis to my testicles."
It was suggested by the pension man that he may want to reconsider, explaining about the nice bonuses the previous two officers had received.
But the old officer insisted and they decided to go along with him providing the measurement was taken by a medical officer.
The medical officer arrived and instructed the soldier to "drop 'em", which he did. The medical officer then placed the tape measure on the tip of the old officer's penis and began to work back. "My God!" he suddenly exclaimed, "Where are your testicles?" The old officer calmly replied "Vietnam."