We live in a small town ... the legion, a few small stores (one of them ours) and not much else. I've only been here a few years... well, almost 5 now - but in the grand scheme of small town life, that barely counts - although, because I moved from another small city nearby, rather than from "The City" I have been accepted reasonably well. I am, at least, not considered to be a citiot, as they are commonly called.
Anyway ... I have been thinking about small town life. In some respects, it is so cliche. It's a small town - everyone knows your business. Me, I've worked in health care and in social services for a whole lotta years - and it irks me when I know that there's no such thing as confidentiality in a small town. I get that people talk... but it makes me really angry when people talk who shouldn't be opening their mouths.
Right now, one of my friends is in a hospital in the nearest town, having suffered a stroke. People are going to talk. I get that, honest. What I don't ~get~ is that one of the nurses who works at that hospital feels that she had the right to talk about something he did while she was working. She tells 2 friends and they tell 2 friends and so on and so on... it is not right.
Of course, part of the reason I am cranky about the whole issue is because of my maInLaw. Hubby & I are caring for her at home. She - and before he died, her husband - have lived here a very long time. And when her hubby was badly injured they talked. And when ma was diagnosed with Alzheimer's, they talked. And when her health failed and we were moved from chronic care to palliative care, they talked. They talk and they talk and they talk.
Can tell you one thing - so far most of the information that is 'out there' can be traced to one source - my sister in law and her husband.... who, while they fully participate in the whole 'small town business' thing have yet to clue in that what they say always always comes back to us - my hubby & I, one way or another. That irritates me - but so far, hasn't made me go ballistic. Hopefully the nurses & support workers that are coming in here are more professional than the idiot that reported back about my friend in the hospital (the same thing happened when I was in there a couple of years ago - to me. I didn't appreciate it!). Because if that should happen, I can guarantee that I will go ballistic. File complaints. Whatever.
But that - the lack of privacy - isn't so much the topic of my rant. Really. What is really aggravating me is that the other part of small town life seems to have gone the way of the - insert extinct critter of your choice here. They talk and they talk - but not one person seems the least bit inclined to pitch in and help in any way.
When hubby has time at the store, he often clears snow from the tenants' parking area as well as doing our customer parking... now that he is not there enough to have the time, do you think any of them could pitch in and at least do their own, if not a bit more? Nope - and not only that, they're behind in their rent, one was offered a job to do in exchange for the rent owing and can't be bothered turning up to do it - and they're being mighty demanding and rude on the whole.
What happened to the so called small town kindnesses that used to be one of the supposed benefits of small town life? You put up with the fact that everyone knew your business because on the other hand, people pitched in? Has even one person thought to call and say hey, I heard things aren't going well ... how are you holding up? Ma's so called friends disappeared eons ago ... and now, it seems, ours have followed suit.
All the drawbacks of small town life and none of the benefits... All talk, no action.
I wonder.... is it something we have done? Is it just us? Or perhaps our particular small town? Or is it a broader issue?
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Comments: 15
And yes, in a small town people do know too much about others business and talk too much, but unless you never interact with anyone there(Which would not be possible having a store), then you are going to be the subject of conversation, gossip, or whatever you want to call it.
I think people get scared with long-term stuff. Alzeheimer's, in particular, is like cancer in that people look at it and go, "it might be me....what if it IS me...?" and hustle off like it was contagious. Alzheimer's is on the rise. Cancer is on the rise. We need to find our way back to taking care of each other. You put good into the system you're supposed to get good out, not what you're getting...I wish you lived here, you and hubby sound like great neighbors to have. :)
I really feel for you. Why don't you get your city friends to come over. Have some fun. Walk down the main street singing.
In the case of the incessant talk and reluctance to help a family in need, I offer this: It is not your job to be a martyr ... even though those of us who are in this position think it is painfully obvious how overwhelmed we become, but honey, people are so self absorb at times that they need more than subtle verbal clues or knowledge of the situation.
Please do this for me - and for yourself:
~Ask the sister-in-law who is talking to come in and give some relief, or to shovel snow, or to work at the store a couple of hours a day.
~Schedule regular time with your husband - alone - each month.Go to a hotel, take in a movie, shut out the world some place and renew yourselves in each other.
I know, you can't .... you have obligations...but if you bluntly ask for help...(other brothers and sisters, the church, social organizations you belong too....) You'd be surprised at the help that will come out of the woodwork.
You could even call RSVP - it is a senior volunteer group. Someone could give your mother respite care on a regular basis one or two afternoons per week to give you a break.
Please do this for yourselves before all of the homemaking, multiple trips to the doctor, trying to remember medication schedules, work responsibilities and life pile up on you.
Believe it or not, it is really a gift to give someone the chance to do something for someone else...you will make your sister-in-law feel much better about herself..andshe might even understand your need for a bit of privacy when it comes to what goes on in your home!