The T-shirt Unworn: SFALPs and Working Parents

Parenting three kids under ten is triage.  You deal with the most critically needy, and the others are just going to have to wait.  With two careers in the house, some things in the family just aren't going to get attention.

Take my Oldest, a third grader.  I can manage on a pretty consistent basis: to help him with his homework (even the projects), to get him to practices and games, to get him to parties and playdates, and to create from time to time experiences that would be categorized as "quality time."  I do none of these things perfectly (please bear in mind he is one of three) – there are blown assignments, and late arrivals at games with the wrong uniform – but in general I get it done.

This deployment, however, leaves one entire category of my son's life completely untended and flapping in the wind.  This was a field of activity that I didn't even know existed.  I fail.  He fails.  We all fail.

I will term this area the Semi-curricular Fundraising Activity or Long-term Project or SFALP.  I suck at SFALPs.

Hello, SFALP these are my parenting cracks, slip right on through.

SFALPs usually have some kind of associated sheet where the participant tracks miles run (for the Cancer Society) or books read (for RIF) or minutes of rope jumped (for the Heart Association) over a period of weeks.  There may be fundraising envelopes, or just colored sheets requesting a weekly donation of cans or socks or powdered nutmeg, whatever.  I can show you a stack of them collecting dust in one pigeon hole of our family granny desk, right next to the gift cards we never have time to redeem and the pizza takeout coupons we never remember to use.

Although these are quasi-school activities, SFALPS aren't graded.  For participating in a SFALP, you get a party, some freaking cupcakes or something like that.  And a T-shirt.  But it's an exclusive party.  SFALPers only.  I wonder if they have a special shame corner for those kids that have parents that work, er, don't participate.  That's where you will find my son.

The stay-at-homes are kicking butt in the SFALP war.  Their kids have got whole drawers filled with nothing but SFALP t-shirts.  I imagine them gently rinsing the celebratory frosting from their children's hair.

I understand that the school is using SFALPs for teaching important lessons about health, reading and community service.  I realize I sound like a crank and should be more on board with these "optional" activities. We've got to teach these kids to give generously, and to take care of themselves, but what gives?  Less time riding bikes with friends?  Less time at the dinner table?

If you are successfully managing the SFALPs in your life, I would love to hear from you.  What's the secret?  My kid needs cupcakes.

Please check out our latest videos on video games for kids and head lice panic at dadlabs.com. 

Clay Nichols, Health Correspondent:
Clay’s column, Dadventure, published twice monthly to Gather Essentials: Health, is a sure-fire guide to raising flawless, perfectly behaved, and always obedient children.  Yeah, right.
 
Clay is the co-author of Filmmaking for Teens: Pulling Off Your Shorts, an award-winning playwright, and the Chief Creative Officer at DadLabs.com, a fatherhood website.

You can find all of Clay’s Dadventure articles at http://gather.com/dadventure

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