"On the Lam" - Arkansas Mamma Update - #4

"On the Lam" - Arkansas Mamma Update 
By Daisy Mae Loon
Booger Hollow, Editor

“The search for escaped Arkansas Mamma continues”, said Sheriff Hogg, from Booger Hollow, AR “we’ll get her sooner or later, eeerrrr, probably later.”

Reports from all over the Upper Midwest have been pouring in as to the whereabouts of Arkansas Mamma. She was last seen by Starbucks clerk near Google Lake, MN who relayed “She was using the name Lynn Chaney, and anyone with a brain a’tol knows that’s the VP’s wife! Yeah, sure ya betcha, she must have thought I was pretty stupid if she expected me to believe that poppycock!”

The clerk did admit Arkansas Mamma was purty darn charming and began coming into the store almost nightly. At one point, she asked the clerk if he’d like to buy a pair of patent leather 3” high heels and a red handkerchief tube top. She then inquired as to where she could obtain a warm parka, mittens and mukluks. The clerk then advised her, he didn’t look good in red, so the tube top probably wasn’t for him but she could check out the new Cabella’s store down the road a few miles.

On Tuesday night, Arkansas Mamma came back to the Starbucks store about the time "America's Most Wanted" appeared on the store television. "We watch Emeril Live in the store all week," said the clerk. "But on Tuesday nights, it's tuned to 'America's Most Wanted.' If anybody asks me to switch the channel or turn it down, I read them the riot act." However, Arkansas Mamma repeatedly asked the clerk to do just that. "She asked me to turn it down two or three times so she could listen to the two gospel tunes we have on the jukebox, so I finally turned it down." The clerk said Arkansas Mamma was bragging about being a writer on Gather and then asked him to fill a thermos, grab his camera and come with her.” Looking rather disheveled after his encounter with Arkansas Mamma, he said, “She’s a good un.”, but declined any more comments.

This reporter asked Sheriff Hogg, if he was going to pursue the leads in Minnesota, his response was, “No way, ya think I’m nuts? It’s frigid up there! She’ll have to wait til Spring!”

The Adventures of Arkansas Mamma:

1. http://www.gather.com/viewArticle.jsp?articleId=281474976902688

2. http://www.gather.com/viewArticle.jsp?articleId=281474976902830

3. http://www.gather.com/viewArticle.jsp?articleId=281474976903440