by Birdie Jaworski
Member since:
July 30, 2006

Name the cyst!

February 07, 2007 09:42 AM EST
views: 161 | comments: 47

Last year I had to have a big fat ovarian cyst removed. My sisters named him "Chad." Today I get another round of hospital fun - my other ovary decided to grow a little treasure. These things run in the family, seems like once each of us hits 40 we get to experience the thrill of laparoscopic surgery. The procedure for removal is no big deal, but of course I plan on milking it for all it's worth.  Think of me, and the as-yet-unnamed wonder, as I get my abdomen pumped full of gas so the mini camera can have a good look around. 

So. Shall I ask the nurse to pack him in a jar of ice and sit him on my dresser? I'll be coked up on vicodin tonight, so if you want to ask cheeky questions, now's your big chance!

 

link to this page
Bookmark this post:
Facebook
Twitter
Delicious
Buzz
More

Comments: 47

X Tabber Feb 7, 2007, 9:50am EST
Hmmm. I'm not sure what's more exciting... The opportunity to name one of your body parts, or the ability to pump you for information under the influence of morphine derivatives.

Seriously, will be thinking about you today. White light thoughts for a speedy recovery.
Birdie Jaworski Feb 7, 2007, 9:55am EST
My sister is gonna take a pic of me in the hospital gown, being wheeled in (or whatever the hell they do for this) for the big event! I'm writing this one up, baby!

Of course, the moment I get named "Health Correspondent" for Gather this happens. Coincidence? I think not!
♯ ♪ Feb 7, 2007, 9:55am EST
Why a boy's name? Is there a reason?

Hope things go well for you.
Birdie Jaworski Feb 7, 2007, 9:59am EST
Joanne, I am open to both female and male names! I fully intend to photograph the damn thing after surgery and post a pic in my article. I don't know why my sisters chose Chad but it sure made me laugh!
d g. Feb 7, 2007, 10:05am EST
Wondeful! This is even more exciting than my infected, bursting burstitis it appears. Oh, to be that camera operator, what fun could be had at festive events such as baby showers.

It seems difficult to name a cyst. I always chose pet names after having the little sucker around for a while. I had a cat named Imbecile and a dog named Chewy. That's not how I named my first pet, a turtle, Irving R. Levine.

How did the name Chad come about? My first intuition seems cliche, Sissy.

I have to admit that I've been milking the bursitis thing, but the whole sham is started falling apart when I stopped taking the percoset and my dog pooped and peed all over my sweety's fresh cleaned kitchen floor.

Enjoy the vicodin. My only juicy question... Sorry, I get in enough trouble with out being prompted!
I have had multiple surgeries to remove ovarian cysts. Each time the doctor was kind enough to provide me with pictures. The cysts went to pathology to make sure they were not cancerous. I lost my left ovary to seven cysts at one time. The pictures show that some are on stalks and look like alien life forms.

Best wishes for your surgery.
Lydia O. Feb 7, 2007, 10:12am EST
Mine had cysts on them when they came out along with everything else...boy would I have liked laproscopic surgery! How about Michaelangelo? 'cause you're having your Cyst-teeny worked on? ;)
Sue * Feb 7, 2007, 10:13am EST
Good luck with the surgery...I'll be thinking of you. As for a name....hmmm....how about Opal? Don't ask why...no clue, just popped out.
Michelle W. Feb 7, 2007, 10:21am EST
Birdie, when I lost my fingers I had to go through leech therapy. I named every leech that came through my room. I would have even taken them home with me if the hospital would have let me!
Debbie G. Feb 7, 2007, 10:21am EST
Good luck with the surgery Birdie. I hope everything goes smoothly. :)
Miranda Kay L. Feb 7, 2007, 10:36am EST
Wow you sure have a positive outlook- anyone else would be like "this sucks!" I hope you recover quickly.
Lisa M. Feb 7, 2007, 11:00am EST
Hope everything goes well for you.. and a fast recovery!
David Rochester Feb 7, 2007, 11:09am EST
I'm impressed that your female ovaries generate male cysts. That's talent, right there. I hope everything goes quickly and boringly (boring uncomplicated surgeries are the best kind, I think) and that everyone you know sends flowers and makes a great big fuss over you, as you deserve.
mona d. Feb 7, 2007, 11:28am EST
i think he (yes, "he") should be pickled and put in a hand-blown jar where he can sit on a window sill and gaze out on the world. why? because he's been looking at your glossy pink innards since day one and he needs a fresh view. what is his name? fred came to mind first, quickly followed by jeffery, cletus, and nigel.

enjoy the vicodin, sweety.
Cheryl W. Feb 7, 2007, 11:40am EST
Hope it goes well, Birdie. Now I'm going to be thinking of names for it all day long..lol.

Michelle...Leech therapy....ohhhh...that gives me the creeps....ugh.
Cheryl W. Feb 7, 2007, 11:41am EST
Oh yes...enjoy the Vicodin, dear...
Since an ovarian cyst is something all women want to take out, why not name it David Rochester? All women want to take HIM out.

Best wishes and speedy recovery to you. Enjoy your Vicodin tonight. :o)
Krista P. Feb 7, 2007, 12:37pm EST
I say let Chad go his own way and pester you no more! I wish you well and happy and healthy for ever, my dear. Rest, eat organic food, drink organic juices and read good books.
Mariana T. Feb 7, 2007, 12:52pm EST
Birdie, all the very best...and may I recommend Dr. Christiane Northrups, Women's Wisdom as a really good book to read. I hope everything comes out and you're back to the road to recovery very soon. Salud.
Madame Donna C. Feb 7, 2007, 12:53pm EST
I look at this things as an opportunity to enjoy a good, long lasting, legal high! Enjoy!
Jiya S. Feb 7, 2007, 1:03pm EST
Good luck with the surgery, and best wishes for a speedy recovery! I vote for Cecil.
Dannielle S. Feb 7, 2007, 1:10pm EST
Oh, Birdie, you have to name this cyst Jeremy!!
Linda Douglas Feb 7, 2007, 1:43pm EST
When I think of Chad, I think of "hanging chads" and how much trouble they can cause if you don't get rid of them. Glad you got rid of the last one. This current one should be named George.
Mary C Legg Feb 7, 2007, 1:45pm EST
Birdie--rest afterwards-- and be careful of your abdomen fo a while becaue you will need to ask for exercises. Please don't lift heavy things or think that because it is only quick surgery that it's nothing. Those muscles all get stretched out of place and need time to recover properly-- and you don't want my abdomen -- my tummy is split where the doctors had to separate the tissue and because I did not rest afterwards-- it's not very pretty and the muscles never recovered.
Pearl 2 Feb 7, 2007, 4:00pm EST
I agree with Linda about the source/origin of Chad... I also agree you should name the next one George of GWB... we all want him OUT!

Take care and much love...
Mark Rast Feb 7, 2007, 4:30pm EST
How about "Dee"?
or "Re"?
or "X"?

Good luck, Birdie. Make sure they don't remove your funny bone.
Mary McCartt Feb 7, 2007, 5:15pm EST
Good luck, girl! I could never enjoy Vicodin. Made me toss my cookies....however you will be floating I am sure. Nasty things, cysts. I got them alot when I was younger. Enjoy the rest and keep well!
julian 'blighted karma' three Feb 7, 2007, 5:34pm EST
Prayers and smoke and Tibetan bells all for you. Be well.
Carl, Prince of Prose, Villain of Verse Feb 7, 2007, 5:34pm EST
I like "Sparky!"

Best wishes and I hope you have a quick recovery.

Carl
Aniko   Feb 7, 2007, 7:03pm EST
You need more character. How about Ignatius?
Aniko   Feb 7, 2007, 7:04pm EST
I meant for the name, of course. :-)
Diana Raabe Feb 7, 2007, 7:44pm EST
Poor Dear! I've been there / done that and can tell you with some certainty that you're better off without 'em!
Edward Nudelman Feb 7, 2007, 8:34pm EST
Hi, I'm Birdie's cyst. Not many people like me, but I have feelings too. I've had to ride around on Birdie's right ovary for about 15 months, and I'll tell you right off, that's no picnic (after she eats Mexican, you don't even want to get within 10 feet of her, much less a couple centimeters from her large bowel). Anyway, today's my big day. Liberation Tuesday. I'm like incised and outa heeya! Kiss this sycophantic relationship goodbye, and I'm off to Pathology for waxing. Just thought I'd stop by and let all of Birdie's fans know she's not all that great. Got really bad ovaries! Much love, Ernest (right ovary, upper quadrant) the Cyst.
Nic P. Feb 7, 2007, 8:43pm EST
Joanne, it should be a male name, seems where ever there's a pain, there's a man =)
Jody Says Feb 7, 2007, 10:25pm EST
Sure is a lot of man bashing here! I say name it Cystine. lol
Kathryn E. Feb 8, 2007, 1:10am EST
How about Hanging? Goes well with Chad.

Birdie, I hope you feel better, I iknow laparoscopic surgergy is no biggy, but get better soon.
Birdie Jaworski Feb 8, 2007, 7:32am EST
Oh man. I'm home, all is well, but What a Rough Night....

They pump your innards full of gas in order to separate your gizzards and bits, to make the offending matter easier to find and exorcise. And the only way that gas dissipates after surgery?

Yup.

I've been fartin' all night long, and it HURTS LIKE HADES!!!!!

Luv,
Birdie "Pull My Finger" Jaworski
Gas-x helps a lot.
Diana Raabe Feb 8, 2007, 11:55am EST
Try "kneading" your abdomen a bit. But be gentle! Take care, Birdie.
Norah P. Feb 8, 2007, 2:52pm EST
I'll be reading your account with great interest, since I'm scheduled for a laparoscopic removal of endometriomas from both ovaries next week. This'll be my first surgery of any kind, so I'm a little nervous--thanks for approaching yours with such strength and good humor!
Cremate the little bastard! Hope things go well for you.
Pearl 2 Feb 12, 2007, 9:27pm EST
Glad to hear you came through al right.

Ok... when's the *baptism* and when are ya gonna name it?
Barbary Chaapel Feb 23, 2007, 10:16pm EST
Oh, Ed, the importance of being Earnest?

Love your humor, Birdie. This is my first time reading you...what fun...best healing wishes to you...no gas pains I hope after surgery.
Beryl Singleton Bissell Mar 6, 2007, 2:12pm EST
Birdie, tell those cysts to cease! Why do they keep reappearing. By the way, while perusing old columns of mine, I found that photo you hated was still there ... I had deleted the thing. Why did it return? Perhaps your cysts and that photo share a gene.
Susan V. May 29, 2008, 9:03pm EDT
My daughter had a cyst we named Melvin, and now when she brings it up we still refer to Melvin!
Erica Hidvegi Jul 10, 2008, 2:03am EDT
I waited till my little octopus trying to entangle itself around my fallopian tubes and kidneys, burst--yes I visualized it as such with my Reiki practices and the threat of eviction did not phase it for nearly ten undetected years where it grew and grew. The size at bursting was 6.789cm and changing diet, lifestyle, etc etc was what saved my life.

>='Free Image Hosting at www.picturetrail.com'>Click Star to see where Clairvoyance & Health dine together

Join the Conversation
Chime in! Become a Gather member to comment.
Already a member? Sign in
top
 
Gather | Friends | Groups | Share
About Gather | Engagement Marketing | Make New Friends | Gather Points | Advertise on Gather | Gather Press | Privacy | Terms of Service | Community Guidelines
Books | Celebs | Entertainment | Family | Food | Health | Moms | Money | News | Politics | Spirituality | Sports | Travel | Writing
Version 16961, "Pacino"; Copyright © 2009 Gather Inc. All rights reserved.