Faking it?

Women have that ridiculous "you have to guess what I want" thing going on. Its easier just to tell your man what you want rather than not tell him, fake it and then complain about not being satisfied. Flip side, if the man wants his satisfaction a certain way, she gets offended thinking he's critical. Guys, you are just going to have to ask, ask and ask again--eventually she'll stop saying "surprise me" or "you'll know when it happens" and instead she may actually "communicate".

It still doesn't fly with me. Maybe I have had good sensitive lovers, maybe I am more sensitive, maybe I am a better communicator, I am not really sure. I just don't see the need to go there. If I ever get to that point, I am much more likely to say something or help him out a bit. I still don't get it.

Here are my thoughts on the subject. To some women, having an orgasm just isn't that big of a deal. The holding, caressing, and just being near to the one you love is enough. Also, with women, sex is very much a mental thing....I believe more so than with a man. If a woman is stressed from her day, or something is troubling her, sometimes its hard to let it go, even when making love, preventing her from having an orgasm, no matter what her partner does. Also, some women are raised not to "talk" about sex....so its very difficult to explain to tell her man to "touch here...a little longer there....no, not there." It also seems mechanical when she had rather it be spontaneous and loving. Also, if a woman has a man who is very interested in making sure his partner orgasms, and she knows he is likely to keep going until she has one, she may fake it simply because she just doesn't want to go all night long, and she knows it just isn't going to happen....(through no fault of his...and she doesn't want him to feel responsible) And this is where the real question lies. Women fake it because they know it isn't going to happen, and they know their man is going to feel responsible, when, in fact...it is not always his fault. I'm not saying I agree or disagree, but these are some of the reasons.

I think the best to learn about women is the same for a foreign language--immersion. I spend most of my time with women, my best friend is a woman, I obviously date women and I go to lunch with a group of women. I have learned to listen and learn. Put down the magazines and books and just listen to 'em. As a group they talk about their schemes and games they have played on men. None the less I still like the company of women. Women who I have dated wanted me to "figure out" on my own what pleases them and a lot of time was wasted. I learned a long time ago to steer the conversations towards sex and let them tell what they like. Ability to listen is a very valuable tool.

When I was married, I did fake it. Not all the time but when he gets home late and you have had a long day with the three kids and homework and PTA and scouts and all that other crap, and he wants to so you do but you just want to get it over with, then you do. You fake it. I did it not for me but for him. He would have felt (and had in the past) inadequate so I faked it so he'd think he was great and I could go to sleep!

Corina....been there, done that. I can relate!!

Cheryl is, as so oftern, very wise and insightful with her answer. She is especially right about the constraints felt by women raised not to talk about sex and their fear of seeming "slutty" to their husbands. Corina is right, too. As one who has faked occasionally both for his sake and for mine, I know that both have got their fingers right on the pulse of the matter.

Susie,

I like the way you think!

This is a very interesting discussion. I appreciate your comments. I can see the point of view that you have expressed. It wouldn't work for me, but I can understand why a woman would respond that way. Especially Corina's scenario. There are so many demands on women these days.

I wanted to add..

Cheryl I appreciate your input. You are so right about sex being a mental thing for a woman. I enjoy the closeness and the cuddling just as much. You are very insightful.

I did my share of telling him what I wanted and putting his hand and mouth where I wanted it. But there were also times that I was exhausted and just waiting for him to come home at one or two in the morning (I never went to sleep til he got home). So when he got home and wanted to play, if I couldn't, I would go along as long as I could then sort of let him think it had been good for me, too!

And it was for me as much as it was for him.

Also, the sensation of a woman having an orgasm will often bring the man to orgasm more quickly.
Susie Tomboy

That is the only reason I ever faked it, I had an ex that went on and on because he was abusing drugs that gave him "stamina", so I would fake it just to get it over with. The relationship was already out the door, just waiting on him to follow it.

Hey, if Kramer can fake an orgasm just so he can roll over and get a good nights sleep, why can't women? All too often, I'm sure its the result of inexperience with each other, a degree of selfishness on his part, and a serious lack of communication because 1) the couple has fallen into bed before falling in love or 2) the relationship isn't really a relationship to begin with and everyone is just going through the motions.

Everything about orgasms begins and ends in the mind, which is the body's largest sex organ. (Well, okay... some minds may be smaller than other parts, but in general, this should be true. After all, we are talkng about women faking orgasm. LOL) If the mind isn't somehow fully involved, the body will generally not be as responsive. Given the choice between taking endless thrusts and the painfully frank conversation required, I imagine most women opt for the ol' fake and roll. Sad really. If you can't express yourself to the person you're being that intimate with, who can you talk to?

landen I agree with you. It is sad
It seems that most of the women that have faked it have been in relationships where they feel they do not have a voice in and out of the bedroom.

interesting discussion! Sue, you sum it up nicely in that women do tend to fake it in relationships where they do not have a voice.

That was "When Harry met Sally", wasn't it? And ladies, you aren't alone in faking it, I have, many times, for various reasons. I imagine other men do it too. The reasons as many and varied as yours.

I have never faked it, and I probably never will. I think I deserve the same pleasure as the person I am with is getting.

Hey Ron, you are absolutely right. THanks for the correction.

mothers daughter sisters aunts every woman has done this in there life they dont want to hurt there lovers feeling remember we are the care takers of the earth NOT THE MEN