Unmarried Women, Stay at Home Dads -- New Majorities?

Recent census data reveals that married women are now in the minority.  For many, I think this is an amusing and/or satisfying indication of how empowered women have become.  Articles offering analysis of this data feature interviews with women that have made a decision to remain unmarried or who have divorced and are doing just fine on their own, thank you very much.

While I'm happy for all those successfully unmarried women out there, I do think that analysis of this kind crops the picture.  Sure these stats point to a change.  But do we really think that unmarried women are the only ones that have evolved?  Reading these articles: on one side of the marriage line you have empowerment and change and on the other, patriarchy. 

As if married women are all still June Cleaver.

You can trust me on this one.  Married women as also more empowered and independent and career minded than ever.  A successful modern marriage is one that successfully acknowledges and accommodates the changed role of a wife. The change in women doesn't stop at the altar.

Sure, these single women are sending us a signal. But the social shift they point to is bigger than the divorcees and the widows.  We've all changed. 

 Even, dare I say it, the men. 

If you read these articles, men are bad.  Now the women are free and unencumbered.  And men are clearly bad.  This whole non-marriage thing is giant a leap forward.

But aren't we guys doing a little better?  Look at the studies.  University of Maryland sociologists found that guys have doubled the hours we contribute to the household in childcare and housework in the last twenty years.  The hours women give to these tasks have not decreased, which indicates that what we're doing isn't really helping that much, but we're trying.

For anecdotal evidence, for real proof – go to a pediatrician’s office and look for the dads.  Still outnumbered perhaps, but there.  How often did your dad take you to the doctor?

You could say that the change in men's roles has been reactionary.  A response that is forced by women saying, "I've got a career now, I'm bringing home the bacon, so you need to help with the kids some more."  That men have been henpecked by wage earning women into greater domestic participation.

Okay.  But.  What if it were pro-active?  What if what really happened is that guys said:  You know what, let's do take a look at the whole gender role thing.  Okay, you stay home with the kids so I can go work my ass off all day long and eventually die ten years before you do. Which reminds me of that story, “no man on his deathbed even wished he had spent more time at the office.”  Maybe guys aren't waiting so long to figure it out.  Accomplishment, prestige, money – you go girl, mind if I stay home with the kids?

Maybe men's roles have changed in response to women's demands or maybe because we just wised up. 

More single women, more stay at home dads.  Yin and yang – the grand unified theory of gender politics.  We've all changed.  And I would say, for the better.  Now you'll have to excuse me, I've got diapers to change.

Listen to a podcast of this article, and read more at dadlabs.com