John....We miss you

On January 30th...it will be a year.  I don't know how that happened.  I was sitting here and almost stopped breathing for the choke caught in my throat.  This will have been the last week that everything was ok and we missed the tug of the rug being pulled out from under our feet. 

This will be the last week that we had that comfortable feeling of knowing that all though you were not here, you were there, and everything is ok.  But after January 30th, it will be the mark of a year that you were not here, you are there, and everything.....is not ok.....for us.  But I pray everything is ok for you and you found peace.

I remember the last time I saw you.....and how could I know it was the last time.  You thanked me for looking out for mom in the hurricane......as if it wasn't a natural thing to do.  I did not thank you for looking out for mom......as if it wasn't a natural thing to do.  I am still grieving for you and Mom and Pam.....naturally. 

So hugs to you John.  Pam will never tell me goodbye.  It will always be see you later.  And so today I have decided I cannot say goodbye to you.  We will see you later.  I will be bringing you the Pet Ice Cream Sandwiches.  Pam will bring the Lactaid.  And Mom can bring herself.  So see ya later Mr. Soldier Man...and Thank You.  We miss you quite a lot.