THE STATE OF THE UNION : GRAVITAS & HUMOR & THANKS

To all of you GATHERITES: A few words of explanation

A few days ago I received an e-mail  from 'Grateful America' asking me (and thousands of others, I assume)  to write the State of the Union Message that our President might deliver. I hesitated and recalled that one of my most recent  articles for GATHER had to do with GRAVITAS and HUMOR, so I was inclined to take a swing at the task by attempting to act like a Court Jester. The piece below is intended to be both light and serious, and a bit sarcastic in spots.

However do note this honestly expressed sentiment of mine. I am convinced that the manifold errors by this administration, hinging on and resulting in  VERY GREAT DANGER for our WORLD and for our beloved country, the USA, has in some mysterious way, had very great , and still to emerge, very great benefits. President Bush has made very many critically important judgmental errors (with his staffs, of course) again and again -- as I see the sad record. And from those troublesome decisions has arisen a sort of most important  clarification of MORALS and ETHICS and INTENTS about the need for PEACE and SAFETY in our WORLD SOCIETIES. He has shown us how easily 'fear' can become so important a determiner of behaviors that dictatorship and loss of freedoms and the rise of generalized despair, that democracies can come to appear to become the vehicles for aggression rather than much desired PEACE and SECURITY, especially for our coming generations (our children, and grandchildren). WE THE PEOPLE HAVE BEEN TAUGHT TO LEARN FROM EXPERINCED EVENTS.

It is in this sense that I am trying to be both humorous and yet grateful (in a most strange and sincere way). I would like to think that wisdom and more careful reasoning could have given us an easier path to a  TRUE PEACE during this past six years, but I do see that what has happened, and is still likely to happen, will BLESS us all EVENTUALLY -- throughout our WORLD -- with greater intellectual and emotional clarity as we move forward. Thank you, SINCERELY, President Bush. Believe it or not!

Dick Maffei



THE "STATE OF OUR (CLEARLY TROUBLED) NATION. OUR PRESIDENT 'SPEAKS' BELOW

"I'm here to report to you that the State of our Once Great Nation is not good based on usual standards!

 Because I wanted this annual talk to be direct from your President, me, I wrote this whole talk all by myself with no help from my sometimes errant speechwriters who get some details wrong and create some misinterpretations and wrong impressions usually. With that explanation of th origins of this brief talk, let me get right to the major issues. This talk TO you has been designed, by me alone, to be folksy and pleasant and informative and laced with humor here and there. As you all know, at heart   I am a jokester; sort of a court jester.  It reminds me of when, as a boy, I wanted to  'let go'. I loved being a 'cheerleader' in college. Never did get over that desire of mine to perform oddly and to make others happy and laugh a lot. I'll reserve my ending comments, that I formed last night as a result of a dream, that was sort of mystical. I'll be anxious then to see how you respond when I reveal a decision I have made as a result of that dream and its illuminating content!

Oh 'yes', I nearly forgot! M sincere welcome too, to ALL the people of the WORLD, not only us Americans. All the people of the USA, ALL uninvited guests, ALL deeply concerned and thoughtful people who are wondering about my seemingly troubling Presidential policies, all hard working bureaucrats in our governments (Federal and State and Local), members of the Congress, all members of my White House staff, and honorable and not so honorable guests and some members of Congress. 

I must start with two somewhat important announcements: (1) I have personally investigated all the points in the upcoming 'Scooter' Libby case, and I state here that I FULLY UNDERSTAND all the issues -- legal and illegal. As your President I have concluded that Dick Cheney (our beloved Vice President) should leave our Federal Government and return to his civilian job at Haliburton (if its available to him), where such activities as he has appeared to have participated in (without my knowledge or understanding,  of course) within our forthright government,  are less likely to be regarded as wrong, at best. I'm certain that 'good ole Dick' is saying to himself about the court case: "Bring 'em on!" That's why he is not here sitting above with Ms. Pelosi. They like each other you know -- you folks out there in TV land, in our good old U S of A know that, I'm sure.

Second, because of the fact that her responsibilities are now extending themselves well beyond her expert knowledge in Russian Economics and Culture (2)  I have asked Ms. Rice if she would consider taking the much lighter load but I think, a much more important post, as our Deputy Ambassador in Moscow (Russia, that is) where she can attend to the developing opportunities that are starting to arise in Europe and Asia as a consequence of the many odd and interesting political and military planning  activities that have been set into motion by my good soul-mate-friend, President Putin. No final decision has been made by her as yet, but I feel confident that she will 'FULLY UNDERSTAND' that this future service of hers will be a most valuable, yea invaluable, contribution to the solutions of problems that we are attempting to find, arising from the significantly diminishing respect that is developing about our USA. Our Coalition was never too strong, and now it is in fast and permanent decay!

Our great nation's faltering reputation throughout the world is due, of course, to the murderous activities of the WORLD WIDE, and growing terrorists' activities. This suggested move to Moscow (for which I have given Condi no alternative options within our federal government, has no options other than her own privately developed opportunities in our vast private sector). She is a friend of mine and I, of course hope that she will not look upon this Moscow assignment as a demotion (I hope she doesn't think that way; Don understood why I had to change the leadership in DOD) , but rather an indicator that everyone in my administration is fully aware of the need to disavow the contention that my recent second term administration is tending toward a most unworthy DICTATORSHIP (because of my persistence based on my mystical visions) , and not realizing that I wish -- when the vast majority sees the wisdom of what I have already done in the past and present and intend to do in the future, is to greatly enhance EGALITARIANISM in high office. even if the understanding people of our glorious USA have to give up freedoms for a while to reach the assured new state of complete safety . Be assured that I am committed to the acquisition of the fullest kind of 'egalitarianism', and to my personal, carefully thought through kind of 'democracy', my kind of love of my fellow persons, and of course FREEDOM'. I can tell you too, that I have the greatest kind of faith that President Lincoln's ideas about government "by, for and of' the people will one day return if we can -- with military and police strength -- destroy the terrorists who plague our planet and are shattering our hopes for PEACE, PROSPERITY and MENTAL HEALTH. These are my  major intentions and I'm certain that eventually all of you fine people will FULLY UNDERSTAND the wisdom of my carefully thought-through ways which are based on GOD's help. I feel that all of you know fully that I have, basically, a very good heart.   Believe me I have a VERY GOOD HEART. I possess no enduring animosities!

Oh 'yes' back to Condoleesa! Her acceptance of this important new assignment in Moscow is necessary in order to save our friendships with European and the Near Eastern nations too, because they do not understand , deep down, what we in the USA stand for: LOVE and ETERNAL PEACE. Condi seems not to have FULLY UNDERSTOOD that point.  When they learn to see the light that GOD has provided me, and some of you, too, there will be a great reconciliation.

Oops I've begun to tell you part of my dream and the new decision I will make soon. Oh my heavens. I forgot to mention in my opening remarks here that I wanted to pay my deepest respect to our Generals and our tired, overcommitted, but able troops in both Afghanistan and Iraq too (even in Korea and the Balkans, and all other parts of the world too). Forgive me, the prompter here in the House Chamber on this podium, before me,  appears to have some faults while it signals to me. Welcome to this meeting all of you young fellows and women in uniform, and of course, you old fellows too.

I should tell you that only this morning, good, old Dick Cheney (who wants to rejoin Haliburton in order to set up financial and administrative mechanisms for that great company, in order  to provide services to the needy Iraqi people ; a part of our long-term plan to help our friends in that most troubled environment. The troubles of course are caused by  Prime Minister Malaki's government that does not know how to run a democratic nation or read and interpret a perfectly OK Constitution. (I have read our Constitution, of course.) Then the damnable  terrorists,  militias, insurgents complicate his and our lives too. I FULLY UNDERSTAND. . Sadly too, many of the disturbed people (of course, NOT our children yet) who live in that very troubled area with their enemies -- Syria and Iran -- are making things even worse for themselves even though we and our weakening coalition continue to do everything to tone down ever rising discontent.

Oh 'yes', back to Dick Cheney who handed  me his resignation this morning and I accepted it reluctantly, but gladly too. Dick knows his own mind and insisted that I accept his resignation without further comment, for legal reasons in the Libby case. . So, with his sincere blessings I said 'OK Dick'. He is a great friend of mine and a fine patriot! He is of the same cloth, and is the same sort of loyal and efficient kind of person as was and is our true friend, Donald Rumsfeld. It is belated, but here in this important 'State of the Union' report I wish to extend to Don my grateful thanks. He was harshly treated by many of our USA citizens,and I apologize to Don for that reason. I had to sack him for that reason, in order to quell the rising public discontent. Politics is a harsh game (especially in free democracies like ours) when the citizens are uninformed properly. The Press is failing in its Fourth  Estate responsibilities.

SOME SUBSTANTIVE IDEAS

In the next few days I shall ask the Houses of Congress to consider the appointment of Senator Chuck Hagel to the position of Vice President of the United States. Also, because I fully expect Ms. Rice to accept this important new assignment in Moscow,  I would like to have Mr, Colin Powell return to the State Department to work with Mr. Negroponte to help develop a new set of plans which will focus upon Economic Development (in the same sense that General Marshall did after World War II ). I hope too that he, as soon as he is appointed, will immediately embark on a search for policies and actions that will look closely at the prospects for putting together two most important International Inquiries. The first will be to (1) look closely at the spiritual and religious dimensions of our present troubles in Iraq.

I am finally getting the idea that since there is DEEP trouble in Iraq circling around the insurgents, militias, and theological and pragmatic issues impacting upon the behaviors of the Sunnis and Shiites, that while there may be no long-term military or political solutions, that finding ways to reconcile the religious-spirituality MUSLIM issue may be of VERY great importance.

Secondly, since the (2) concept of a UNITARY Government in Iraq seems NOT to be grabbing hold as many of us neo-cons expected it would, I have decided that we should get a REGIONAL effort going and see if we can resolve the tri-partite character of the Iraqi Nation, which -- many years ago -- was really only a pragmatically determined geographical solution (by the British and French I have been told) that we see now is perhaps securing 'UNITY' is more trouble than it is worth. In short I see now (after many agonizing minutes of reflection without much information, but with FAITH) that a 'solution might be to let parts of Iraq go 'free' (the KURDS) and let others join their friends, like the Sunnis in Western Iraq (I forget the name of the Province) who could be tied closely and successfully into Syria. Shii'a Iraq could make its own arrangements with Iran, a natural partnership that might have important implications for reconciliation among many Arab/Muslim states. General Powell, I suspect, will be anxious to diplomatically engage in serious and productive meetings with Iran and Syria within the broader context of REGIONAL POLITICS too.

Of course the creative proposal suggested by Senator Biden and Ambassador Gailbraith (based on the varied Russian experiences of Autonomous Republics (this was part of my plan to use Ms. Rice in Moscow) should be carefully explored on a non-partisan basis and without the lobbying help that might be offered (but likely biased) by our great oil companies. I'll leave that to Secretary Powell if he accepts the new assignment that I hope to offer him, in the name of friendship and for being quite right in his early assessments of 'what might happen if' when I forced his loyalty to become the too dominant issue in those early, raucus days with the Department of Defense. Please forgive your past and errant President, General. I was wrong and you were cleverly duped! I often wondered why you did not resign. You must know that I wanted you to do so. You know! But I've learned about better behaviors only very recently. Those important 2006 elections were really an eye opener for me!

MY DREAM AND ITS MEANINGS

The other night I had this weird DREAM. In the dream I felt that I was seeing a new and promising future for our USA and the WORLD. Let me recount the essential features of the DREAM in the next few minutes BEFORE I add in another surprising possible resignation to match V.P. Cheney's resignation.

There's a lot more to say and to speculate about but I do want you to hear about my DREAM directly from me, your PRESIDENT, not DICTATOR. You all may not know that this present policy of mine is really an attempt to change our USA policy from "Stay the Course" and to criticize the opposition (Democrats here) with their implicit policy of "Cut and Run",  to a brand new, GOD suggested policy of mine to tell the truth, and to explain why I do as I do!

This new policy has correctly been labeled by the Democrats as "CUT AND BLAME". The simple truth, you all know. I see all 'truths' as very simple. I'm a very simple-minded person, as you all know. That 'Cut and Blame' policy was suggested to me in a multi-staged dream I had a month or so ago. Indeed the decision to send more troops was also a part of a DREAM revelation. Two of our best Generals were sitting at a table with me at Camp David (I won't mention their names here)  and I asked them a question: How many new troops do you think we need to gain a victory? One of them said 44000, and the other said none, so I divided by two and said, "OK , 21000 it is".

The dream continued and I was sitting at the feet of our GOD and HE said to me : "Your reign as President has now been reviewed by my staff and they feel that you've done a superb job being WRONG again and again, as directed  The people of EARTH  are now are learning the difference between WISDOM and the lack of it. I know you want to get back to Crawford and 'chop wood' and so what you must do now -- immediately -- is to RESIGN (before you are impeached). You must put everything in place to do so. "

GOD SPEAKING : "Dick Cheney will be happily going back to Haliburton, Condi has about decided that she will return to Stanford (Keep that quiet for now!) Chuck Hagel, one of my best angels will become PRESIDENT as soon as your resignation is official -- right after your State of the Nation speech, and my human people in the USA will be ecstatic with your leaving and will be joined in their happiness by the World Community that you have so masterfully antagonized! Your feigned (?) ignorance has saved the WORLD George! Well done! All's well that ends well!"

LAST WORDS AS PRESIDENT

So, on GOD's recommendation I am resigning tomorrow! I hope now that you see that what I have done has been a major part of GOD's PLAN for a NEW WORLD! GOODBYE, YAW'L! "

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(Thunderous applause ended the meeting, like none ever heard before in the HOUSE Chamber !)