Waiting for the Sunlight

I toss and turn, but

sleep won't come

to one who is tormented

by the past, by the

demons that won't let go;

I want to rise up,

make coffee, clean something,

wash away the stains of living

as I wash away the stains of my past,

misdeeds that stay with me,

telling me that  I'm unworthy;

I snuggle close to you,

and wish I was the same girl

you married;

I wish things could be as they were

before life grabbed us both

and ripped us to shreds;

Sometimes at night, in half sleep

we reach for one another in the

darkness, so silent and still,

and we clutch one another,

holding on for dear life.

But when the sun beckons,

our eyes are opened,

and we see one another

clearly, blemished and stained

by the past...by the hurts we

have inflicted on each other.

I pull you closer to me, and

revel in the warmth of us

as I await the sunlight,

hoping it will be awhile;

I touch your sweet face,

as a tear runs down my cheek;

I'm so sorry that I ever hurt you;

I'm so sorry that I ever hurt us.