I've always heard the voices for as long as I can remember. I'm not really sure of who they are, but they have always been inside me. They tell me things that I have no right to know. Sometimes they urge me to do something that I know is wrong. I resist because I am not evil. I try to do what I know is right.
Sometimes I have dreams that seem to come true. I have learned over the years to pay close attention to these dreams. They have saved me and my family alot of heartaches once I learned to take them seriously.
Sometimes I have dreams that seem to come true. I have learned over the years to pay close attention to these dreams. They have saved me and my family alot of heartaches once I learned to take them seriously.
Let me introduce myself. I am Michael Wilder. I'm thirty-three years old. I have lived in Austin, Texas for most of my life. I was born in a small town in Mississippi and moved to Texas when I was seven. I only have vague memories of living in Mississippi, but every time I smell strong coffee brewing it takes me back to my childhood.
One of my earliest memories was of the man living across the street from us. He never had anything nice to say to anyone, as far as I was concerned he was just a bitter old man. Once my brother and I were throwing a frisbee around, and it went in his yard. He grabbed it and took it in his house. We ran in our house and told Mom what he did. She went over and tried to get it back, but he said,"It went in my yard so it must be mine."
Mr. Cain had been married to the same woman for twenty-two years. I can remember hearing my Aunts talking about her. "I don't know how she could stay with that old coot for so long," my Aunt Sally said. "I don't know either, she's such a dear woman," replied Aunt Edith.
That night, I had a dream about him. It was so vivid, I can still remember it clearly to this day. In my dream, he was carrying a large ring of skeleton keys. He walked down a long hall and stopped at the last door. He put the key in and the door opened. In the room there was a long bar with many dresses hung on it. Underneath were several pairs of woman's high heel shoes.
He sat down at a long oak dresser which had a ornately carved mirror in the back. There were several wigs with different styles and colors on one end of the dresser, and the other end was cluttered with all types of make up. Mr. Cain started putting on the make-up. It took quite a while to do, but I could tell that he had done this many times before. He then stood up and started looking through the dresses until he found one that he liked. Then he picked out a wig and put it on.
Oh my God! I couldn't believe it! It was Mrs. Cain!! I realized when I woke up that I had never seen them together, in fact no one had. I decided not to tell anyone about this. To tell you the truth, I felt sorry for him. I don't know for sure why he made her up, but it was probaby because he was so lonely.
Mrs. Cain was loved by everyone in town. She never missed a day of church, and she was very active in the local charities. Mrs. Cain was always the first one to show up with a home cooked meal whenever anyone got sick. She came over to drink coffee with my family and would never say a bad word about anyone else. Thinking about it over the years, I have realized that everyone has a good and a bad side. The same could be said of me.
This brings me back to the voices that I've always heard. Daniel is the one that I like the most. He talks with a very calming voice and is never mean-spirited. Joshua is the psychic. He seems to know things before they happen. He can be a real pest. I like to come home from work and relax, maybe have a drink or two and watch some TV. Joshua has other plans for me though. He can't stand to see me idle.
For example: Last week after I came home from work, and was just mixing my first drink, He shouted in my ear, "GO TO TARGET!!" "NOW!!"I could hear the urgency in his voice and knew that it was useless to argue with him. I live in an apartment right in back of Target so it only took me a few minutes to get there. The first thing I saw was four little kids standing in the parking lot. They were holding hands and crying their eyes out.
For example: Last week after I came home from work, and was just mixing my first drink, He shouted in my ear, "GO TO TARGET!!" "NOW!!"I could hear the urgency in his voice and knew that it was useless to argue with him. I live in an apartment right in back of Target so it only took me a few minutes to get there. The first thing I saw was four little kids standing in the parking lot. They were holding hands and crying their eyes out.
I asked them what had happened and the oldest boy told me that their grandmother had left them in the van while she went shopping. They had decided to get out and look for her. They went in the store and couldn't find her anywhere. They tried to find the van, but the parking lot was very crowded and they couldn't see it. That's when I walked up to them.
I don't know what would have happened to these poor kids if I hadn't shown up. They might have been kidnapped or hit by a car. The more I thought about it, the more upset I became. I took them in Target and I had the manager paged. I told him the situation. He took them to the snack bar and bought each of them a coke. I asked the oldest boy what his grandmother's name was and they paged her several times. She never responded.
I then went to the shopping center next door and had every store page her. I finally found her at Blockbuster's. She was in tears before I got through telling her what I thought of her. I told her that I should call the police and have her arrested for child endangerment. She pleaded with me not to call the police. She said that she learned her lesson and would never leave them alone again.
This brings me to Gabrielle. She is the voice in my head that is pure evil. Gabrielle is very jeolous. She only shows up when I am on a date. She likes to wait until things are getting very heated and then she shouts "KILL HER!! KILL HER WITH THE DAGGER!!!"
I finally told my girlfriend about the voices. She didn't believe me at first, but when I told her the whole story she couldn't help but be convinced of it. She asked me to tell her what Gabrielle was saying to me, as she said it. I knew that if I did that, she would be very frightened. I didn't want to lose her, but she convinced me that she wouldn't leave me.
My girlfriend sat facing me as I started repeating Gabrielle's words. "Look at that bitch sitting there smoking her cigarette." "She thinks she's so fucking cool!" "Stab her!!" "Stab her with the dagger!!" "Poke her fucking eyes out!!" "Kill her!"
I really can't blame her for leaving me. Wouldn't you?
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Comments: 41
I understand you said this WAS your boyfriend, as in not NOW a boyfriend, correct?
That would be the wisest thing. When people hear voices and aren't getting treatment for it, they only get worse, by far. Even if they don't want to or wish to obey their voices, without help, they have no choice. So one day, if you stayed with him, and he continued to act out, it may come true. He may try to kill you. He won't have control. It's called untapped schizophrenia.
Good luck with your writing. Excellent, and very interesting insightful look inside the mind of a schizophrenic.
Carolyn, so proud of you for sharing such a personal side of yourself---keep writing, your good at it.... ;~)
Susan, thank you, I'm glad you liked it.
Thanks Joanne, I will let you know when part II comes out.
I am curious...the man in the story is Michael Wilder.
Your Gather.com space is...
MWILDER39.gather.com
Would the real Carolyn Koen/Michael Wilder/Gabrielle/Joshua/Daniel please stand up?
Your article Voices was great!!! I enjoyed it so much. Please continue......
Love Ya, Lisa
Love you too!