Whatever happens in 30 minutes

I'm starting this at 4:45 and vow not to let up until 5:15, I will keep going until an alarm rings and then wrap it up. Even if it seems there is nothing to say, I will keep going. Over this past weekend I have gotten three more book boxes packed, and one other big box with things I can bearto live without for the next couple months. There are still many more books to pack, and I have kept out a few books in a separate corner-- just in case.

I need to do a bunch of cleaning, pack the extra blankets and pillows that are floating around because of all the extra company that just left. I now have the basement to myself sometimes, which is a huge relief. It's nothing personal, but it is hard to write when you have to worry about the light on waking someone sleeping on the other side of a curtain.

The way the basement is set up is an L shape. The place I sleep is in the little part of the L, and just within the last few months I have rigged up a curtain to separate it from the rest of the room. It helps tremendously, but lately, there has been other people sleeping on the other side of the curtain, or trying to talk to me when I was in the middle of a thought. It is difficult to deal with the internal struggle of what to write next when someone comes to have a conversation with you. It is hard to explain to those who will never seem to understand that yes writing is important, and it consumes you when you do it.  It is more than a mere exercise, but a mind sustaining, often heart and soul sustaining one. Writing keeps all the hodge podge of the world from getting in the way. There is a sense of accomplishment and purpose.

But it is mine again, as long as no one invades this space.

My kids understand, somewhat. My son writes also, likes the same solitude when he does. He has been doing far better than I have in finding space within the recent chaos. It can't be helped, the chaos, but the need for retreat with just the three of us gets more intense each day it seems.

Today, hopefully, I will be putting my deposit on the apartment we will move into in March. It is a two bedroom, so I will not technically have my own bedroom. My son will get the master bedroom, I guess-- the one with it's own bathroom. My daughter will get the other room-- the one with the big closet. I will keep some stuff in my daughter's room, but try to let her have that as much as possible. I get up far earlier than they do, usually around four am, so I will have quiet time in the mornings before we all have to face the fact that the restof the world is waiting for us.

Right now, I live with my mother who is also up at four, and it is too easy to be upstairs and talk and drink coffee or tea ( which I do enjoy) and kill far too much time. I will miss that, but I have been renting from her for over six years, and it has been a mixed blessing for everyone, I think.

My new livingroom will be centered around books and music. There are TVs around the house here-- way too many of them. I could live without it-- I watch because it is there, and waste too much time. I know it would be dramatic not to have it all, so I will probably have a little 13 incher that can be moved from room to room, for occasional video game time, etc. I plan to have only "bare bones" cable. I have two big book cases that will go in the livingroom, and I need to get a couch someday once I am settled, perhaps a chair or a bench. We'll see. Like anything, there's a lot I won't know until I'm there, and I can only move forward in babysteps toward the destination.