What a Difference a Day Makes!

We all look at the world and draw conclusions based on what we see. Sometimes we draw inaccurate conclusions because of what we don't see. This fact was never made more obvious to me than it did this weekend. If you read my article, Relationships and Death, you'll know that I was torn over making a last minute flight home during a crucial business trip. I made the decision to take the trip, even though it would cost me my hotel (non-refundable) and the airfare was over $1000. I thought it would be worth it so that I wouldn't live with regret over not seeing my dad one more time. When I got back to my hotel room Friday night, before I started packing for the morning's flight, I received a call from my mom. I hadn't told her yet of my plans and, before I could, she told me that I didn't need to worry about not being there. Things weren't as bad as Beth, a hospice nurse, had made it seem. Sharon, another hospice nurse, had seen Dad Friday night and couldn't understand Beth's prediction that Dad would only live a few more days. Sharon said that his blood pressure is good, his blood oxygen level is good. The only thing bad is his immune system. Getting a cold at this point would likely kill him. Mom wasn't very happy with Beth and felt bad over crying "Wolf" and getting all of my siblings in a stir. My brother drove from Ohio and took a few days off work to see Dad. My other two siblings took a day off work to see dad and to be with mom. Not being there, in the thick of things, I think I was able to put things in perspective for Mom and I think for my sister, too. I told them that Beth had made her prediction on what she saw. She had seen my Dad on Friday when he was having a really good day. Tuesday, when she saw him again, happened to be a bad day for Dad. He was extremely tired and weak and not breathing well. He couldn't walk on his own. He had to be in a wheelchair. Beth's conclusion was based on the drastic change she saw in my dad between Friday and the following Tuesday. She had never caught him on a bad day before. Dad's strength recovered throughout the week so that he was walking with a walker without additional assistance by Friday when Sharon saw him. Naturally, Sharon's conclusion was completely different. She said she expected him to live at least another month. Mom could understand the different conclusions, but still felt bad over crying "Wolf." Again, I tried to explain that she did what was expected with the information she had. She had only Beth's prediction, so it was only natural to let all of us know. And, it was probably a good thing. If he dies without warning (which I expect will happen), no one will be able to say that they didn't have the opportunity to say good-bye. I cancelled my flight to St. Louis. (Luckily, the flight hadn't been ticketed yet, so there was no fee.) I thought it would only make my mom feel more guilty about sounding the alarm. And I knew, for my own personal health, it would be better for me to stay put. Life has been stressful for months and having a weekend to relax is exactly what I need right now. Based on the information I have on Dad's health and Mom's concerns and my own emotional and financial well-being, I made the best decision I could. I will not regret it. I am planning a trip to St. Louis in February to see Dad. The crisis situation at work should be over by then so that I can enjoy a relaxed visit. I won't be receiving phone calls and e-mails every 5 minutes. Even more what I will take away from this is that we all make the best decisions we possibly can with the window of information we have. I have to trust this in others rather than getting angry with someone because they set things into motion that, at a future date, seems illogical. At times I have been angry or frustrated with my boss over decisions she has made because they have caused more problems for the project we are frantically trying to finish. I have to trust that she made the decision with all the information she had available to her.