by La Bellota
Member since:
April 11, 2006

Stonehenge, Your Teeth, and You

January 03, 2007 01:19 PM EST (Updated: January 03, 2007 01:47 PM EST)
views: 58 | comments: 28

Being half Scottish....I am the not so proud owner of not so straight teeth. I look at other perfectly straight-teethed people and am awash in envy. I ask, why me? And then finally, last night, I believe I stumbled upon the answer.

I imagine that my UK ancestors (before they were United) on a break from throwing rocks, herding sheep, and making the guys wear skirts took a minute and gave each other a hard look. They probably thought.....straight teeth would be good. We must ask the Gods. They probably sacrificed sheep, offered harvests, a couple of virgins, maybe 32 for each tooth.... to no avail. Then someone....his name was probably Angus, had a brilliant idea. LET's create a temple to the Gods. Surely, they will bless us with dentally gifted children for generations. So they worked and they slaved and Stonehenge was born. The Gods probably took a coffee break. (they get tired too. Save my children. Help my dog. Smite my neighbor....it gets rough) And they looked at the teethy looking Stonehenge, thought the pyramids were much cooler, and they were not pleased.

And that is my theory. Go ahead. Prove me wrong.

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Comments: 28

Scott L. Jan 3, 2007, 1:24pm EST
LOL, that is soo not right! (But funny)
David Rochester Jan 3, 2007, 1:29pm EST
I think your theory has a great deal of merit, and that with this article alone, you could be awarded an honorary doctorate in Cross-Cultural Anthropological Studies.
La Bellota Jan 3, 2007, 1:42pm EST
I really should. I have thought of other research as well.

I thought. Perhaps I can improve my dentally challenge blood line by procreating with a dentally advance culture.....like sayyyyy Mormons!! I am willing to sing in Tabernacle Choirs and do geneology research.....yet I don't have a bike anymore and am scared to knock on strange doors....plus I magnetize white dress shirts in that spaghetti sauce reanimates and finds it self attached to my shirt....even if it is 100 miles away.

What? Don't believe me? Donnie, Marie, the other 8 sibs, Benji and his cousin from "so you think you can dance? ---and smile brightly", There are 12 people right there with beautiful smiles. I am sure the ADA approves.

BUT I have no wishes to procreate although living on a commune and having 12 wives to wash dishes and talented singing and dancing children intrigues me.

Story of my life.
♯ ♪ Jan 3, 2007, 1:57pm EST
Hmm, you mean my bad teeth can be traced back to my Scottish ancestors? At least I have something to blame them on.

<----still wearing a retainer.
La Bellota Jan 3, 2007, 2:08pm EST
That is what I am maintaining. I know know why we got these teeth....but I know not how they got that way. Maybe sheeps wool was too chewy? I canna know
Ron (in complete sheeple overload) W. Jan 3, 2007, 3:25pm EST
It's so they can make all them distinctly Scottish sounds, La B, try it with straight teeth and mush comes out. Wait, mush comes out anyway, but it's a brogue kind of....that's not what I meant, I mean, oh, sigghhhh.....
Amy Walker Jan 3, 2007, 4:16pm EST
I have straight teeth. No braces. But they are a little beaver-ish, though. Get your mind out of the gutter. I am mostly German and French. Some Swiss, and a tad of Scot. must not have got the scot mandibles. Didn't get the French body, either. Damn Germans. Oh, well, at least I am not a pansy.
Allison Parker Jan 3, 2007, 6:01pm EST
La Bellota ~ Interesting theory, but as far as the Mormon thing... it must've skipped on by me because I had to wear braces and a retainer during my high school years. lol

Amy ~ I had such an overbite with two large front teeth that I happened upon the nickname of "rabbit" in my junior high school days. Thank goodness for braces!
Yasher the Cute Canadian Jan 3, 2007, 11:48pm EST
I got to chase a sheep when I visited my husband's family in England.

I got to chase a sheep.

And my teeth are very straight and perfect, despite my English herritage.

I think someone should build me a pyramid.

Or a round circle-ly monument to my perfect teeth.

I would refrain from being smite-y. :D
Visionaerie B. Jan 4, 2007, 12:45am EST
That is a very creative theory -- you should be on The Discovery Channel ('Digging Up the Truth'?). There may indeed be a genetic explanation. I just wish we would get rid of that "refined" sugar so our teeth would be a lot better (high fructose corn syrup probably does them no good as well). And check out Spinal Tap's ode to "Stonehenge" -- it's positively paranormal!!
Carol Roach Jan 4, 2007, 4:10am EST
funny
Good laugh.
Carla S. Jan 4, 2007, 9:05am EST
No English heritage in me and I had to have braces but not for crooked teeth. My husband has some English ancestry and he has crooked teeth... HMMMMM, you may be on to something. hee hee
Skip Bleecker Jan 4, 2007, 11:42am EST
Straight teeth has mor to do with BRACES than ancestors, at least these days. Though it is nice to blame them for something, even though they are not are around to defend themselves.
La Bellota Jan 4, 2007, 2:56pm EST
Yep, easier to blame the dead silent ones....hee. My live scottish relatives are loud. My Italian ones are evern more loud and we use our hands....but I haven't checked their dental status....hmmm

Carla has lovely teeth.....and the only English in her is well *kof koff* ne'rmind.

Viz <---my new nickname for you. You are soo right....I need my own special. Scientific FACTS backed up with 100% true fiction.....oh what? there is a govt job like that?

Yash....I cannot comment because I am currently building a small pyramid. I am using mashed potatoes.

Ina and Carol...laughing ....gooooooooood

Allison!!!! say it isn't so.....I was sure all my Mormon friends....and I had a lot....(I loved going to the socials) had the very best teeth everrrrr. oh wait....ok..ok....there was this guy Asa....but wait....he was from Australia....and they might have come from ENGland.....seeeee Englishy Mormons...trying to wreck up my theory. Thanks for coming by Alison.
La Bellota Jan 4, 2007, 2:57pm EST
Amy.....I am trying not to hate the player....just hate the straight toothy game...hee!

And Ron!!! You ain't right......................but you ain't wrong either.
Birdie Jaworski Jan 4, 2007, 4:42pm EST
See, this is the kind of thing that should be taught in public school. My straight teeth are the product of four extractions and metal kisses for three years. The ortho told me I had a small mouth. Why does everyone laugh when I say that?
Carla S. Jan 4, 2007, 6:00pm EST
Well the 24 teeth that I have left aren't too bad, I must admit. But with only 24, I have to take special care of them! (I have a small mouth. Well in size, that is.)
Yasher the Cute Canadian Jan 5, 2007, 12:09am EST
I was gonna say I wanted my pyramid to be made of mashed potatoes. I love you. In a straight teeth kinda way! ;D
La Bellota Jan 5, 2007, 9:05am EST
I lurve you somethin' awful too, Yash my friend.

Speaking of people that I lurveeee, I know another beautiful toothy smile that went to the dentist yesterday.......HONEY! she gets a balloon and another pyramid on my mashed potato plate.

Birdie and Carla...you know I was going to note that my mouth is smallish for my teeth as well....but I just felt like....No one is going to believe me. When it comes to mouths and the stuff that comes out of them......size does not matter....especially in my case. Have I told you both lately that I loves ya!!!?!??!?!?

Muah!
La Bellota Jan 5, 2007, 1:29pm EST
So what you are saying is that you (or your relatives) weren't dancing around THAT bonfire on THAT night. Your ancestors were clearly dentally advanced on that count.
Jennine D. Jan 5, 2007, 6:43pm EST
Great thought and funny, thanks for the laugh
La Victoria Jan 6, 2007, 12:25pm EST
Yes its true...the dentist was visited by me only 2 days ago! What a coincodence!!
While my teeth are fairly straight...not perfect but ok...I have poor enamel and the gums of a 60 year old man! Damn my Irish, Scottish, German, English, *Canadian*, Native American Indian heritage!!!!
La Bellota Jan 7, 2007, 12:05am EST
Yeah Honey!! But I have to thank my Scottish Italian heritage for my long luxurious hair of which I am so fond.
Yasher the Cute Canadian Jan 7, 2007, 12:23am EST
All Canadians have perfect teeth and long luxurious hair of which La B is so fond.

EVERYBODY knows that. *grin*
julian 'blighted karma' three Jan 7, 2007, 8:15pm EST
Good theory - you should apply to Discovery for a grant of a few million, to further research it. All my Mother's people were Celtic, originating in Scotland then later stopping off for a couple of generations in Ireland, then coming here - and they all had very poor teeth - so there may be merit to your thoughts! Or maybe those same elder Celtic gods, before they were chased out , thought that Stonehenge was the model of dental structure that the people were asking for.
La Bellota Jan 13, 2007, 6:41pm EST
I reallly would like a new well paying job. I should take Julian's advice. I will be needing a Canadian side kick, with perfect teeth and long luxorious hair genes to accompany me on my Journey.

oh and BTW....Jules...maybe we are cousins!?!

Kathleen, care to accompany us?
La Bellota Jan 25, 2007, 9:12am EST
I had another thought on the matter. Maaaybe it is to counteract the dead sexy accents. hmmm....or....speaking for my relatives.....maybe they are necessary to eat haggis with.....ewww...please don't take my Scottish card away....my English born Grandfather would get quite upset.

So uh.....bite me. hee!

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