Playing the Role of Miss Paitence

It's amazing how quickly things can transform,
over years of breaking apart and
pinning back together the wreckage of you & I.

Yet here I am thinking of you... again.
I could sit here for days and just let my brain
crash & crash over your name.
Just letting my heart sink to the bottom
and watch my eyes fill up with tears.
I remember writing lines and lines
onto torn out pages
& over my pale flesh.
Lines of how you would come back to me,
how each of our fates were destined to collide
into one another's with the result
of a pretty gown and a suiting tux.


Was I wrong?
Oh god was I wrong....


But as years passed
and as significant others passed
in & out of our hearts
and our beds,
I could feel our hearts beginning to seal
what was wounded.
The lines faded and the strings
that attached us together,
the ones that once pulled us closer;
helped us to get further and further away.

I wonder if it was all worth it.
All those late night phone calls,
mornings of us waking up excited
to see one another's faces.
Followed with afternoons
of walking down alleyways
just to reach our secret destination.
So our hands, with the joining of pens;
could write down letters in
our decorated notebooks
filled with hate, love, completeness
and every emotion in between;
only to do it all over again the next day.

Was it worth it,
To watch you walk away
and destroy my heart more times
than I'd like to recall?
Leaving me with the desire to wait it out.
To wait, while I sat in my room in
a million broken pieces_____
just waiting for you to come back.
Knowing that in the bottom of my heart that
my eyes would fall upon your face again.
Someday..... our hearts would be connected once more,
that your heart would be mine in the end.
Time after time I played the patient one
waiting for your return while
tearing myself apart in the process.

But after all this time
I am left with nothing.
With no rewards to show--
with no prizes to reap
from us or from what we had.
I am only left to believe that
all my acts of patience
were not out of love
but out of my vision of love.
What I thought love should ha ve been
and what love should have done for us.
Now, but now, I am only left with
the reassurance
of how naive I really was.

Originally written on August 1, 2006.