This Heavy Breathing

I drove that night
in hopes of finding you
at the place where I felt fireworks
for the first time in years.

It was this urgency that
crawled into my heart
and took cover underneath
the mounds of scars
and the mass of broken dreams.

I just needed to find you;
just needed to hear your voice
because I was shaking
and I couldn't breath again.

I sped through traffic lights
as my fingers traced along
the sharp edges of my blades
and they sank into my skin.

Streets became blurs
and every tall boy with
a mess of clumped hair
became my savior for a second
before they turned to face me.


But the steps were empty
making my heart even more
vacant than before.


If only..
What even would have happened?
Would we have kissed.....
or just pressed our faces into one another's chest
to make sure the others heart was still beating?

i'm dead. i'm dead!

baby, i've been dead for years.

01.24.06