Cyberian Drug Farms

In Ordinaria, various substances are forbidden, for example "illegal" drugs such as marijuana, cocaine, heroin, LSD, magic mushrooms, and Jolt Cola©®^TMΩ. Consuming alcohol in amounts greater than a 60-pack at one time is also frowned upon.

To prevent people from consuming such substances, Ordinaria has a brilliant program known as the "War on Drugs." If it were not for the cost of the War on Drugs, we could educate our children and repair our roads. But Ordinarians have their priorities straight.

In Cyberia, once a person reaches the age of 18, they may consume whatever substances they wish. However, if the substance is considered dangerous, Cyberia requires the consumer to live on a drug farm.

Cyberia requires the residents of drug farms to perform two tasks. First, they have to grow their own food. Cyberia provides seeds, reasonably fertile land, basic farming tools, a simple basic dwelling (known as a hut) with rudimentary cooking facilities. Some residents seem to feel that eating is too much trouble, or that their drugs provide all the necessities of life, so they starve to death. Employees known as the Oh, well workers bury these residents from time to time. They help fertilize everybody else's crops.

Second, residents are required to produce their own substances of choice. They can use the same fertile land provided for subsistence farming for growing hemp, poppies, mushrooms, and (for the alcoholics, grapes, berries, hops, grain, potatoes, sugar, or whatever crop they deem suitable). Cyberia also provides reasonably well-equipped labs for producing and refining products such as cocaine, heroin, LSD as well as stills for producing the alcoholic beverage of choice.

Meth drug farms are located in toxic waste dumps and next to nuclear energy plants, thus saving authorities the trouble of moving waste products to those locations. Specially-equipped Oh, well workers, who receive double pay and dress in Hazmat suits, dispose of the meth farm residents once they pass on, which they tend to do rather quickly, saving everybody a lot of trouble. As meth farm residents don't make good fertilizer, they are fed into the nuclear energy plants.

Drug addicts are provided with birth control aids whether they want them or not. That's hard on them, true, but being born to a mom with drugs in her system is hard on the kid. As you may have guessed, Oh, well is a common saying in Cyberia.

The money saved by not having a war on drugs is immense. As I've mentioned, taxes are quite low in Cyberia. The schools are pretty good, as are the roads as well.

Even with all those benefits, Cyberia can afford to offer free drug treatment programs to all the residents of drug farms. They vary in method, as no one knows for sure which plan is the best. (Cyberia often uses the principle of throw everything at the wall and see what sticks. The Oh, well workers wash the walls off once in a while they're at it.)

At any time, a member of a drug farm may enter the drug treatment program of his or her choice. Once the drug farm resident enters a drug treatment program, he or she is required to sign a contract for making progress by agreed-upon check points in the drug treatment program, designed by the program but approved by the Cyberian government.

If a resident fails to meet the terms of the contract, they are removed from the treatment program for thirty days. Then, if they want, they can try again. They get three treatment program tries in a year, and then they have to wait a year before trying again.