what I got this year, I'd gotten the year before, too:
a very lonely Christmas Eve. Once I dropped my girls at their dad's, I felt lost. alone. lonely. pitiful. pathetic.
my boyfriend was trying to help w/a friend's charity drive, didn't get an addy for the place(i guess it changes yearly), and was gone ALL DAY LONG. That evening, so I wouldn't be alone, I drove him to Minneapolis to find the person who was in charge of the whole mess and drop off the gifts and whatnot. My leg kills to drive(I can drive left-legged, but I have to have room/space to comfortably throw my other leg to the other side), and he was frazzled, but it gave me something to think about other than not being with my kids for Christmas. I should've had Christmas day, but going to my parents just isn't what I look forward to. I like being with them, it's the rest of the family that makes me feel like crap--black sheep here all the way. And the worst of that day was--my oldest daughter noticed the treatment I got and it made her mad. I guess it's what I usually get, but her getting mad upset me.
I'm trying for a better holiday for next year--a new tradition to do so I won't miss my girls as much when they are with their dad, and maybe an excuse to get out of the big family get-togethers.
Sorry for the whine, just had to get it out.
Happy New year, y'all--hope it's better than the last.
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Comments: 10
I'd have hated it if our son had gone to his biological father's for "any" holiday too -- it's not the same without the kids. I was lucky in that way, I had him for every holiday, and basically everything else, till my current husband and the one our son calls Dad, adopted him. Hoping next year goes better, is there any room for negotiations on the whole day for Christmas? (with the kids?)
I cook every holiday so that helped in not having to go where I didn't want to - Christmas should be a time of joy, not of hurt, want to come over? I'm in Connecticut!!!! OK, maybe next year? :)
Gentle Hugs,
Marilyn
Maybe you can invite people you like to come to your house for Christmas.
As for your girls, you can celebrate with them before they go see their dad.
I was the same about my family, I wanted to see my mom and her husband and my sister, I could even deal with my grandpa, but I didn't want to share it with my aunt, uncle and cousins.
You let your family know way, way ahead of time that you would like to spend Christmas with the immediate family only and see what their response is to it. They can go if they want to, but you shouldn't have to. You can always make the excuse you are going out of town.
Hope this helps.
Marily, I'm lucky that their dad is only 7 miles away...maybe it'd been different if they had invited me in for a cup of coffee or something(I never was really accepted there) like my family would've done for them. He's a friend at least, so maybe it was just holiday blues.
Rick--nothing wrong with the dad having the kids on holidays--it just gets lonely when they are all I have(you should know that!)
Thanks for the suggesstions, Leigh. I'm not good at handling the guilt that's handed out with the season, but it's something to work on.
its good to get the moans out tho isnt it?
Just a weird feeling to be alone.