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t's not too early to be thinking about a New Year's resolution. Dare to be different this year. Make the one decision that will get immediate results and change your life forever. How can you lose? Consider these choices and scenarios:
| When it comes to one of the most important beliefs you can have that affects every aspect of your life, you have three choices. Which belief do you have? þ Check one: qYou have the power to control your life and create your own future. q You wonder if this is really true? qYou don’t have much say in anything. | Larry is getting frustrated and unhappy at work and home but he doesn’t have a clue about what is going on. His lack of enthusiasm keeps him from getting the work assignments he wants and his stress is keeping him from having fun and enjoying his family. Larry also wants to improve the quality of his marriage, but his wife Lynn is the one who needs to become more sexually responsive before he is willing to be more communicative and emotionally supportive. Jan, an entrepreneur by nature, wants to start her own computer business but is concerned about many practical obstacles such as her shaky financial position, lack of business experience and family responsibilities. She follows her dreams half-heartedly. Her marketing plan is lacking and so is her business. Furthermore she has neglected her family. She wonders what she did wrong.Mary is getting passed over for promotions at work because she doesn’t have an accounting degree, despite her competence. She discovers this information by confronting her boss. Over the next 2 years she makes some sacrifices and invests the time and money to complete the last three college classes she needs for her degree. A week after graduation she gets a dream job offer. |
| What do these three different people have in common? Their circumstances are a result of the basic belief they have. Mary knows she has the power to control her life and create her future, so she finds out what she needs to do and does it. Jan hasn’t really decided and Larry is already convinced he can’t do much about anything. |
There is a simple New Year's resolution everyone should consider making this year. First though, you have to discover which basic group you are part of— the optimists, the doubters or the pessimists.
There are optimistic people like Mary who believe they can do whatever they put their mind to do, just do it, and become big successes. They struggle through all the chaos and obstacles in life and find some simple success clues, by learning, growing and improving. And then there are the uncertain, doubting people like Jan who are looking for positive proof. Finally, there are the pessimistic people like Larry who are lost in chaos, don’t believe they have much say in anything, and don’t realize the importance of learning, growing or improving to achieve success.
Optimistic people like Mary are happy, productive, successful and enjoy life; uncertain people like Jan are just treading water and wasting valuable time; pessimistic people like Larry are miserable and may not even know it.
R Which Group Are You In?
Take this simple little test to see what group you are in. Use the following key to indicate how often these things are true for you. Circle the number that represents your best estimate. Add your total score and check the interpretation at the bottom.
1 = Hardly Ever 3 = Occasionally 5 = Sometimes 7 = Often 10 = Almost Always
| 1. I verify all my assumptions by asking a lot of good questions. | 1 3 5 7 10 |
| 2. I smile a lot and am unusually friendly and approachable. | 1 3 5 7 10 |
| 3. I have taken great effort to understand myself and others. | 1 3 5 7 10 |
| 4. I have strong determination and I don’t quit things. | 1 3 5 7 10 |
| 5. I control my negative emotions, especially anger and worry. | 1 3 5 7 10 |
| 6. I go out of my way to be humble, polite and kind to people. | 1 3 5 7 10 |
| 7. I am open-minded & vary my approaches until I get the right results. | 1 3 5 7 10 |
| 8. I am completely self-confident in my ability to succeed. | 1 3 5 7 10 |
| 9. I translate my dreams into concrete goals and specific actions. | 1 3 5 7 10 |
| 10. I am positive and hopeful, especially during hard times. | 1 3 5 7 10 |
Your Score__________ SCORING KEY
10 - 35 = Unsuccessful pessimist. Wake up and at least start questioning your belief.
36 - 64 = Undecided. Make a choice & start using your power to be successful.
65 -100 = Successful optimist, keep going and help the others join you.
— REALITY CORNER: There is really nothing to keep you from achieving your dreams except YOU. All you have to do is apply a few simple principles of successful thinking, right motivation & smart behavior. But first, you have to decide to be an optimist. | Let’s spin a popular paradox—You can’t have your cheese and eat it too—“cheese” being anything you think you can get by doing certain things, from material success to happiness and peace of mind. Understanding this simple little paradox has more to do with achieving success than you may imagine. How? Unsuccessful pessimists like Larry view such abstract riddles as being silly and not worth the effort to think about. The doubters like Jan get trapped by the double bind. But successful optimists like Mary take up the challenge and figure out how they can have their cheese and eat it too. They go from lack of curiosity and limited either-or thinking to yes-yes abundance mentality. |
The right New Year’s resolution can help you close the gap between where you are and where you want to be no matter which group you are in—cheerful optimists who want to be more successful and help others to be that way too; the unsure doubters who really want to believe and succeed; and the gloomy pessimists who want to stop failing and start feeling better.
8Your New Year’s Resolution:
| Optimists | 4Figure out how to become even more successful, along with effective ways help others be that way too. |
| Doubters | 4Make the decision to do something that will prove you have the power to control your life and create your future. |
| Pessimists | 4Wake up and at least start seeing the futility of pessimism. |
Whether you are an optimist, doubter or pessimist, you may be sabotaging a third of your chances for success by not practicing successful thinking—not taking the time to verify potentially wrong assumptions, not asking enough good questions, or not trusting intuition to identify dangers and opportunities. Or you are not using natural creativity to solve problems, not applying common sense, or not digging below the surface to spot important relationships that can be helpful.
Another third of success is often sabotaged by not practicing successful motivation—not having an accurate self-understanding, failing to us good self-control when it counts and not applying the advantages of intrinsic motivation. The last third of success is frequently blocked by unsuccessful behavior—negative emotionality, lack of empathy for others, arrogance, rudeness, aloofness, and lack of good character.
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o how do you apply your New Year’s resolution? It's easy. Get mentally fit! Flex your mental muscles! Begin by believing in your ability to close the gap between where you are and where you want to be. Study the things that are in between you and your goals. Question any false beliefs like you can’t control your life or be successful. Learn how to think better, understand how to best use your motivation, and practice the important social skills that lead to being likable and having good character. More than anything, start noticing the connection between the choices you are presently making and the results they get.
Here are some everyday, practical solutions that can help you carry out your New Year’s resolution easily and quickly:
Three Doors To Success…
· Successful Motivation. Get to know yourself better. Ask for accurate feedback that can help you improve. Take a close look at the obstacles you help create. Identify and remove barriers to your self-confidence. Find productive things to do that are intrinsically rewarding. Do the right things for the right reasons. Keep focused on your goals. Use your will power on little things first.
· Successful Behavior. Forget about other people’s unlikability and lack of character. Focus on yourself. Improve. Control your negative reactions to people. Get a long better with people by smiling, being positive and up-beat, a good listener and polite. Work at being more humble, less judgmental, totally honest, smart and empathetic. Improve your appearance. Be happy on the inside so it shows on the outside. Develop a healthy sense of humor and help others to be successful. Practice the Golden Rule, especially when you don’t feel like it.
Successful thinking, strong motivation and right behavior are natural talents we can all use easily, regardless of what group we are in. The fact is that being unsuccessful and unhappy is actually much harder work than being successful and happy. You have to continually look for excuses for hanging on to the false belief that you can’t act to get where you want to be…because you know you can!
Make this New Year’s resolution and you will be there—at home, work or play!William Cottringer, Ph.D. is a business consultant, success coach, sport psychologist and writer from Seattle, WA. He is author of You Can Have Your Cheese & Eat It Too, available through www.eep.com or major bookstores. He can be contacted at (454-5011) or at ckuretdoc@comcast.net
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Comments: 4
My New Year's resolution is to take my newest book RV Canada On A Dime And A Dream on a cross Canada tour next summer, and before that to be debt free. This book came true because I resolved to get it published this year after 3 1/2 yrs in the making. Dreams do come true!
> midnight Dec.31, then post them on the fridge.
That is a wonderful tradition, congratulations on having such a great marriage.