On Being Psychic and Is There an Afterlife

All through my life I have had this feeling that I had the ability to connect with other people through thought and not necessarily through speaking. I can think of someone and concentrate on them even though they are far away and tell them to call me and most often they will. My daughter who also had that ability, used to call me and say “mom, stop it”. My husband would know I wanted him to call and so do my other children.

That is not a bad ability to have, in fact it is rather comforting at some times. But there are other things in my life that are also good for me, but disturbing to other people I tell about them. My mother’s grandmother was thought to be a psychic and according to tales I was told when I was little, she could actually lift tables, or levitate them, while others were watching. She could also predict or had knowledge of the future. I never knew her so have no way of knowing whether some or all of this is true. I only know what happens to me. Now, I have never even tried to levitate anything, I think I would be afraid to try.

But there are three instances that come to mind at this moment, and there have been many, but these are rather unique.

All my life, I have had this thing that when I first wake up and then go back to sleep, or right after I go to sleep at night, I get this sinking feeling, I am not really asleep as I seem aware of what is going on, but I cannot move. I cannot speak. One of these times was after we had had a couple of our kids I awoke next to my husband and was in one of these, I don’t know what to call them, sinking feelings, and when I finally was able to speak, I awoke my husband and told him he had to go see his father. He lived alone and had no phone and was about 12 miles from us. It was 2:30 AM and my husband thought I was crazy but I was so insistent that he got up and went. A few hours later he returned and told me he found his father on the floor with a strangulating hernia and that he was rushed to a hospital and that his being there had saved his life. After that I became more afraid when I had those feelings.

My husband was a State police officer and a drowning had occurred in a lake which was very dark and deep and supposedly spring fed, so they called it bottomless. They searched that lake for the boy for about two weeks. After that one night, I went to bed and had this feeling come over me and I didn’t want to go there, but I couldn’t touch my husband to wake me up. I have to go when it happens and after I woke up, I woke my husband and told him the boy’s body had just surfaced and that they had been looking in the wrong area of the lake. I described exactly what the boy was wearing and how his neck was bent back and that he was all swollen and where they should look. My husband again said cut it out, but he went to work the next day and told his superior officer that his wife had had this “dream” and maybe they should look. He never said anything to me but when he came home for supper, I had made hamburgers, and he said he couldn’t eat. I asked him why and he said, they found the boy just where I described him and he had gone in the rescue boat and had held the boys feet while the took him to shore. Once again I was shaken.

Another incident, actually prior to that one by a year or two, I had gotten up, put the coffee on and laid down until it was done before I woke my husband for work. I went into one of those things again and I saw people gathering around a big building with large Glass doors and crying and saying, if they had stayed away from the factory, nothing would have happened. I knew a tragedy was in the making. The only one I could think of that worked in a factory was my younger brother. I called him on the phone and told him not to go to work that day. He said not to worry about it, he would be okay and he was going to go. That day, I had an appointment at the school for our oldest son who was in the third grade as I recall and was in the office talking to the guidance counselor and my husband was in the car with our daughter who was just two at that time. While we were talking, my husband rushed in with our little girl and said rudely, come on, right now, the President has been shot. Everyone there was excited by that and turned on radios and when we got to the car the radio was on and the first words I heard were, If they hadn’t changed the route the president was taking to go by the book factory, none of this could have happened. A adrenalin rush went through me as those were the words I had heard and when we got home a couple of minutes later, we put the TV on and the big glass doors were showing of Parkland Hospital where they had just taken the president, and crowds of people were there crying. I was very afraid again. That was the scene I had had seen.

There have been many more that are not so explicit, but I know when something bad is going to happen. I knew the night my husband died exactly what time he did as he was in a nursing home and at 10:47, my nervous system was afire in my skin. I thought I might have forgotten to take a tranquilizer I was prescribed to cope with anxiety in my life at that time, but no I had taken it. I came in to my computer and put on a card game to calm me down. I could not watch TV. At 2:00 AM the center he was at called me and told me he was unresponsive. He was being tube fed and a diabetic, so I am sure when they checked him at 9:00 PM they gave him meds in his tube and he was breathing but at 2:00 they came to give him a finger stick to check his blood sugar he was not breathing. When I saw him about 3:00 AM he was already stiff and I told this to my doctor and he said he had to have died about four hours earlier. So that communication came from him or from some connection I had to him that was severed at that moment.

My mother died when I was 23 and she never saw any of my children as I was only married eight months when she died. However, every time I became pregnant, I would see her in a dream in a beautiful meadow sitting on a bench, wearing a coat that she had had that I wore for years after her death. Each time she told me the sex of my child. Three times they were boys. The fourth time I saw her there I did not know yet that I was pregnant as by this time I was 34 years old and thought I was through with having children and in the twelfth year of my marriage. She smiled at me and said, this one is your little girl. A few weeks later, I was in a hardware store with my husband and felt dizzy and said, if I didn’t know better, I would think I was pregnant. A couple days later I realized I was late and went to a doctor and sure enough, he said I was pregnant. My husband was sitting the car with our three sons, and I told him what the doctor said and he said, now what do we do? I started to cry because I thought he didn’t want another baby but he just meant I had just applied for a job and I shouldn’t go to it. So we had our daughter.

Our children had no grandparents except for his father, who died a few years after my husband found him ill. So we had no baby sitters ever. I guess that is kind of good. My children never knew my mother, but I guess I talked about her so much they thought they did. You know, my mother said this, my mother did that, my mother used to think, etc.

When my daughter was growing up she started to have psychic abilities too. They scared her as well. We tried not to talk about them as we didn’t want to bring them to the surface. But she did believe in going to psychics. She always wanted to know her future and checked out every boy friend she ever had. It was amusing. She found one about thirty miles from here and she wasn’t driving yet and I went with her into the living room. As we sat there, the psychic said to me, do you know there is someone else here? And I said yes, it is my mother. She said she is saying something about Richard or Dick, I said yes that is my father’s and my brothers name. She said there is a Bud, and I said yes that is my brothers nickname. She asked if he was alright and I said he had very high blood pressure and she said he should be careful. He died about two years later of a massive stroke. She took my daughter into a room with her by herself and when she came out she said your mother came in with us. She is watching over her. I don’t know how that made me feel, but I accepted it. My daughter was that night checking out her future husband and asking if they would be happy in marriage and the psychic said over and over again, He will have a happy marriage. As it turned out they did marry and soon after she realized he was a controlling man and they had two children before she could no longer take it and she left him. After two years of separation they divorced and she met a wonderful man who loved both her and her children. They knew each other for a few weeks when they decided to marry. They were married only a few weeks when we were in the car one day and she said to me, Mom, I think something is going to happen to me. I said why, and she said my mother had came to her in a dream three nights in a row and just said to her “don’t be afraid, it will be all right” and that is all. A shiver ran through me and she said, don’t worry, maybe I will need dialysis or something. She had a chronic kidney disease that was in check. Just three weeks after that, she was coming to get me and her accelerator pedal on the car stuck and she had both kids in the car and while they were both badly injured, she was pronounced brain dead. During her life which was only 39 years at that time, she had mentioned to me so many times that she was not going to get old and that I had to promise her not to ever let her be a vegetable and to be sure that she was cremated. I promised her that and she promised me the same thing. I never thought a lot about it until that day. And during the short eleven weeks she was married to this wonderful man, she had made him make the same promises to her. Neither of us could take her off life support and she opened her eyes the next day and we had hope that she would recover. She died two and a half years later when we finally did keep our promise to her as she was still feeling pain and crying even though those were her only responses. No movement, no sounds. We both kept our promise to her and she was cremated and is on a shelf in his living room. She is gone almost four years.

Now I have talked a lot about her here, but this is so recent that it is always on my mind. A few weeks after she passed away, and I still talk to her every night, I asked her to please send me a sign that she was all right. As if this could ever be all right. I have often said to my mother, Mom, this is not all right. But I got up one morning early and then back to bed and had another one of those feelings and I was in a big waiting room with dark wood paneled walls and people from our church were there and her kids, but they were younger somehow. Some one asked me who I was waiting for and I said Tracey, she passed away on February 11 but she is coming to let me know she is all right. Then it seems like there was a train or something and a wide door opened and other people got out and then my daughter who was beautiful and dressed in what seemed like pale yellow chiffon. Looking back at it now, it was more like a glow. The next scene came in and we were on a boardwalk on the ocean where we had gone many times and the kids were with us but smaller, and I asked her did she need anything and she said yes, I could use a new bra. I always bought her bras. We were passing a small shop on the boardwalk and I said they have them in here, so she went in and tried one on and came out and said it was great and then she asked how much it was and the woman said $50.00 and she said, Mom, we can get that at Filenes on sale for half that so she went back into the dressing room to change. The woman said, she is beautiful, is that your daughter, and I said yes, she passed away on February 11, 2003 and she just came to let me know she was all right. And I awoke. I felt such relief. I knew she had made that journey from somewhere to let me know she was all right.

Do I believe in an afterlife? I must, because my mother warned my daughter, told me of my children’s sex before they were born. (no sonograms then). My daughter let me know she is all right. My husband was not afraid to die as he said he would be with our daughter. I hope they are together. I dream of him often. It is three months ago today that he passed away and somehow it is always to do with money. He was worried about me as his State pension stopped when he died and he knew that. I am alright money wise because I have been careful. I live with my daughter’s son who is brain injured from that accident and he has an income from disability so together we will make it.

I don’t want to know anymore about any one’s future. But I know I will. It just comes to me. Is it a gift? Or is it a curse? Maybe a little of both.