Why Christmas Trees Are Better than Women

(With apologies to Webduck.)

1. A Christmas tree is always in the mood for a good time at Christmas.

2. A Christmas tree doesn't ask you if it looks fat in its ornaments.

3. A Christmas tree keeps it shape right through the season.

4. A Christmas tree doesn't have a bad mood for several days in December.

5. A Christmas tree is always happy with its size.

6. A Christmas tree has cute ornaments.

7. A Christmas tree doesn't get mad if you don't like all its ornaments equally.

8. You can throw a Christmas tree out when it drops its needles and wears out.

9. You don't have to put up with a Christmas tree all year.

10. You only have to pay attention to it when you feel like it. It doesn't sulk if you watch the bowl games instead of paying attention to it.

11. It's always there to light up you life.

12 You can turn it on whenever you want to turn it on simply by plugging it in and tossing a switch.

13. It always smells nice without spending a lot of money on Christmas tree perfume.

14. If it needles you, you can toss it out.

15. It doesn't say, "I'm going to have a little Christmas tree," when you weren't thinking about little Christmas trees at all.