AWOL from Suburbia

I wrote this a few years ago: 

My Dad spends the night with us on occasion when he has to fly down to the Bahamas the following morning. Friday evening we were all enjoying Mellow Mushroom pizza when he offered the co-pilot seat to my husband, John. Dad would fly down Sat. morning, and return Sun. night with a stop in Palm Beach. 

John suggested that I go, since he's been with Dad before to participate in a "Wahoo" fishing tournament. Dropped pizza to run upstairs and pack a bag.  Spontaneous trip with my Dad to Marsh Harbor, Abacos, Bahamas? 

His employer's, "adult & dogs, 3 lbs. & under, only" property....                              

 Yea mon, I can do that....what a gift.  The question is, will I want to come back the next day? Don't get greedy.                                                                                               

  13 private acres on a peninsula with beautiful beaches, a yacht, two smaller boats, wave runners, scooters, a tennis court, incredible rum punch, and fine, southern hospitality. Oh, and NO kids.                                                                                                 

We arrive at the airport, and the four passengers are late. Finally, A Yukon pulls up with a "Pack & Play" strapped to the top. Not a good sign.

"I thought you said children aren't "welcome" down there, Dad?"                                                                                                                         

He replied, "No, not since I've been his pilot." 

Irony. The only time an exception is made is when I go...and she happens to be three, the same age as my daughter, Anna.  

..."No, no juice boxes and No, I don't know where to plug in a TV / VCR"... 

and, No, technically, I don't know how to fly this - I'm not a real co-pilot, I just look like one, sitting in the co-pilot seat....so, because of honest answer, don't think I'm your flight attendant.                                                                                                                                 

Great.  I immediately make it clear that I am on a mini, sanity sabbatical from my three, very active children. In other words, don't even think about sticking me with her for any amount of time.                                                                                         

On the way down, we had some nasty weather, and one of the two bleed valve tubes melted, in other words, "significant" system failure in the 350 King Air, that required breaking out the Emergency manual, and guesstimating how much time it would take to get down to an altitude where we could breath if we lost pressurization. 

 Stay calm. He's handing me a note...not good.

 Dad is now pointing where to squeeze to release our oxygen masks. Just gave me the task of gluing my eyes on a few gages in one section of the control panel, and then requested to fly at 28,000 feet.  Okay- VERY nervous. Couldn't this happen on the way back, after I had my peaceful trip to the Bahamas?      

Is there any alcohol on this plane, Dad?  If I go like this, by gosh, I'm going down with a buzz, minimum. I saw him put some cashews and a bottle of Crown in a compartment in the passenger section. Of course, it might make the other passengers nervous if I break out a bottle of Crown at 10:00 in the morning. (Husbands irritable tendencies become insignificant when you are questioning how much pain you may be facing ).

PANIC!! (in a still and subtle manner.) DIE?    I can't die... My poor kids! They would be devastated.  Who would be mommy to them?  No one could possibly ever love them the way I do... Anna may not even remember me.  I never even finished her baby book.  What will she think of me? Come to think of it, I never finished Will's either. 

Plus, what if my mother goes through my underwear drawer? She'll be shocked.

I can just see it now... John will remarry some cheesy girl.  (Based on the pictures I've seen of his first wife and previous girlfriends from the eighties and early nineties?  Yikes! "Skank"is more like it.)  The new wife will not care about my kids and I will definitely have to come back and haunt them both.   This is unbearable.

Don't get sick, Libby. Hopefully that is just my acid reflux. Sick bag?

Please no...let us pull through this one, Dad. 

Many prayers later, we landed. Thank you God.  You've pulled me through again!

Wow, is it hot!  

Do I still need to use the rest room? Check pants...change clothes later, as I am completely soaked...

Customs? No, really? Why bother? Lethargic group - didn't check a thing, yet it still took half an hour. Lots of standing around.

No wonder the south gets such a bad wrap. 

I won't complain, I am alive, I'm not refereeing, or having to answer a bazillion questions. It is quiet. Ahhhh. 

The property is paradise. I drank a mass quantity of rum punch that night after trying to hide my anxiety from the other passengers on the flight.

We may have to stay another day? Awww....what a view.

Wonder if they need a cabana boy. girl. At this point? I do still have my pride...girl.   Whatever. Discussed law in the pool... Maybe I'll be called as an expert on something...Big Rum drink - Big mouth.             

Wow...If I could just stay a month...or maybe four.  What would it be like? It would probably get old after the second month....Then again, there's a wonderful housekeeper.  She does laundry.  I could be happy with a housekeeper.  She reminds me of Rosario on "Will & Grace"....I think I'm in love.  Snap out of it dream girl!  The reason I need Rosario is because I have three kids. Hummm...Wonder if they would notice if she came back with me for an extended visit?                        

Back to alcohol induced reality..... 1 moe rumm pucnh....must get the recepe. 5 rms? Bumpy boat ride to Guana  Bay "something" restaurant for dinner, then Dad & I  "borrowed" a golf cart . Glad dad was drving that golf carrt

 I'll be remembered as a big mouth. 

Stagger off to bed.   Wash face. Nah... Water... Mamie Eisenhower  may have slept here....

Cushy life....Malpractice law hass been quite  gud to tem. ( Just shouldn't have said that to Mr. X....Note to self...turning into Dad,  refrain from such comments....Don't say what you think! Not appealing.                                                              

One kudos for Libby - I  did not comment on 12 kt. diamond the Mrs. was blinding me with while cruising to Guana Bay...and being so troubled that it was wasted in that "no diplomatic words I can think of ", setting.... and Chanel purse packed securely in a Zipper lock bag until arrival at dock of restaurant)  

I refrained. Thank you, God.

Back to the positive! Nicest and most generous people to be around...Wave runner riding, yachting on the "Justice", slept where Eisenhower and Nixon slept...not together, mind you; Snorkeled...found beautiful shells, including a conch, little periwinkle and yellow fish, some huge snappers and a sting ray...with that - another mini anxiety attack. It's pretty difficult to walk (okay, run ) in shallow water with flippers. 

T-shirts, cups, map and shells packed. Beautiful visit, now back to reality....Seriously considered going AWOL...just for a few days.

I am so relaxed and grateful for this little gift to paradise. I wish I could have just a few days here with John.  We sure could use it!    If I could just get him to relax!  It's nice to look forward to seeing him...actually missing him.  Can't wait to see the kids!

"Hey Rosario, Would you like to go for a plane ride to Atlanta, Georgia?"   

It was great while it lasted. Thanks Dad.