1. Even though you and your two year old circle the terminal approximately 200 times before boarding the plane, she will still have enough energy to climb all over you, your spouse and all three siblings and cry because she can't walk the aisles during the following 3 hour flight.
2. Any child who goes to sleep during a flight it will be a)sleeping on you, b)mysteriously without a seatbelt when the flight attendant comes by to check.
3. When manic child finally goes to sleep on you, you will be struck with a desperate urge to go to the bathroom.
4. Right after other child goes to sleep against you, you will become thirsty and the flight attendant will serve drinks when you have no arms free to partake.
5. You don't get any complimentary pretzels on the flight so please pack approximately half of the body weight of each child in snacks.
6. You may only purchase your sandwich and chips in a little white package on SOME flights but the first class passengers are served actual food on plates in either case.
7. Do not sit in the bulkhead row because of the above first class feast that your children will notice and protest.
8. Before boarding the plane, remember to obtain a signed affadavit that the entire flight crew is already on board and ready to go when everyone is seated. Don't assume!
9. When you miss your flight late at night, you will learn to play I SPY with the desperate cheerfullness of Kathy Lee on a cruise commercial.
10. Try really hard not to laugh in the face of the helpful airline personnel who see no reason why we won't accept 6 seats in completely different parts of the plane. Hey wait a minute, maybe that wasn't such a bad idea after all.
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