From time to time I write about what it is like to have fibromyalgia and how much, or how little, understanding my friends and family have towards me and how I deal with this condition.
Last week, as my husband and I were coming back from accompanying our friend to a doctor's appointment, we stopped with this friend and his wife for a bite to eat at a local restaurant.
It was a cold, rainy day. The precursor to the storm that would hit us hard that night. Since fibromyalgia affects both my joints and muscles, a good indicator of just how bad the weather is going to be is how much pain I am in beforehand. I had been sitting in an uncomfortable waiting room chair for about an hour and a half before we got back into the car again to venture out to get something to eat. No comment was made as we had parked in the handicapped spot in front of the doctor's office, but when we got to the restaurant the wife in the backseat said, "How did you get that?", meaning my disabled parking permit I was hanging on the mirror. I calmly and matter-of-factly said that I had asked my doctor to approve it since I had trouble walking sometimes. That was the short version of what could have been a very long tirade. But, I was tired and hungry and I just wanted to get inside and get something to eat that would warm me up.
Today, I am contemplating whether or not to try to explain my feelings about this incident to this woman friend. It hurts my feelings to know that she (and perhaps her husband too) thinks that I am some sort of "system abuser" taking up parking spots I am not entitled to use. These people have known me for 26 years and you would think they could see that I am not the spring chicken I used to be. I hate being judged unfairly, but I am not sure I can explain to them sufficiently what it is like to have fibromyalgia.
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Comments: 12
The attitudes and behaviors toward you illustrated in your article are a sad example. My ineffective comments are that I wish you well in your battle with your condition and hope that people in your world come to understand your situation and learn to react in a more sensitive and helpful way
I have asthma, another "unseen" disability. It is finally under control now, but for years people thought I was lazy. This was confirmed in their mind because one day I could do things and the next I wouldn't be able to. Well one day I was breathing and the next I wasn't. I talk with parents all the time who are frustrated because one day their child knows something like their times tables like the back of their hand and the next can't remember what 2 + 2 is. They just can't fathom the fog that lack of oxygen puts the brain into.
I say tell your friend, but make sure your tell her that you realize that she didn't mean to hurt you. Maybe she'll help someone sometime not to be so quick to judge a book by it's cover.
i have a beloved member of my family who has fibro. she is only 31, has three children and a husband, and never gets enough rest at the best of times. it is my opinion that anyone with one of the so-called 'invisible' diseases or conditions are absolute heroes for getting through each day.
i Do know what it's like to have some people 'tune out', and the frustration of feeling like you either have to 'explain', or just say nothing. that is soo difficult(either choice).
i feel that sue w.'s advice is excellent. if people don't know what's happening, they can't be faulted (well, usually) for not understanding; and it is very important to let your friend know that you care for her, so you want to give her the info so she can understand it. i've found that brochures are a really good way to 'clue people in', especially the ones who either are scared of illness, so don't ask or listen; as well as people who do better with printed material rather than spoken words.
oftentimes, what we perceive as lack of interest is just lack of info., and people who are afraid to ask. good luck, and keep on fighting the good fight!
God Bless. If you want me to send you info on this product, email me at dwillis@rushmore.com. I searched too long for some relief and want to share it with anyone it can help!!! I donate the money earned back to helping others in the community :)