Our quarrel began the night before I was born and ended the morning she died unless, as I suspect, her spirit lingers to resent the funeral. A rational person would assume that if she knows about the arrangements, she should also know that I voiced her final wishes, defended her outlandish choice, and disputed their veto, but lucidity seldom entered our relationship. If experience and idioms are to be trusted, she is most likely flailing in her grave, blaming me.
Just in case, I will spend today resenting her back. (Lest you think I am disrespectful, I assure you she would appreciate this.) Today is not my birthday. However, it is the day she would deliver a birthday card laced with the only lottery ticket I would touch this year since I am not a gambler.
They all wanted me to enter this life on my grandmother's birthday. I teased them by sending my mother into labor and drawing everyone to the hospital on the correct day; but I waited until after midnight to make my appearance, setting the stage for a lifetime of drama. Mom and Grammy forgave me, I assume immediately since I recall no early problems with them. Struggles with Aunt Jackie, on the other hand, haunt some of my youngest memories and rifle the balance of the years we shared.
My penchant for never sleeping started with the long nights of vice-grip determination to keep her from taking my pillow. Sharing my room and my bed were enough - the pillow was not included in the deal. I tired of calling heads or tails, picking a hand, guessing a number, drawing a card, or rolling a die, and learned to feign sleep. Eyes tight, knuckles white, I listened for her to come in and then forced the weight of my entire body into my head. By morning, she ended up with two pillows, and I was left with my head resting flat on the mattress.
Insomnia, lottery tickets, and birthday celebrations on the wrong date were not the only or the most significant gifts I received from this aunt. True to her eccentric nature, she delivered excessive gifts, twisted in resentment, and adorned in life lessons. It took half a lifetime to understand that she was not purposely torturing me with the marathon dinners in lavish restaurants when I would rather have been at home, eating pizza with my friends, and that giving me extravagant clothes and jewelry that I thought were gorgeous but not me allowed her to play the mother sometimes.
For years, I believed the lifetime of resentment she harbored toward me stemmed from my having placed an inexcusable burden on her calendar. Either waiting for my slow birth had kept her from the most exciting date ever, or the thought of family celebrations on two consecutive days was more than she could handle. My calendar theory faded after years of watching her enjoy poker games, horse races, and bingos, and I decided she must have wagered a small fortune on my delivery date.
Whatever the reason, I had no power to amend my transgression so I balanced the playing field by endorsing her unique characteristics. Eventually, I earned her respect by beating her at her own games. For example, when she decided it was okay to lift a Christmas tree ornament as long as three like it remained, I bought the biggest tree I could find, decorated it in threes, and bet her a dollar she would not find a liftable ornament. She could not resist, or hide how proud she was of me for beating her.
When she announced her final request, I supported her. A game of showdown poker-winner takes all--on her casket seemed much more appropriate than a traditional will for this aunt. Unfortunately, husbands, sisters, attorneys, and funeral directors aren't always as open-minded as I am.
So, in case she is around, resenting me for not insisting on that poker hand, I will assume she is also wishing me a Happy Birthday and resent her having the wrong day. I might play a game of showdown poker and honestly lose everything she owned. For sure, even if she isn't lingering, I will miss her and appreciate the many gifts she has given me.
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Comments: 46
I love the ambiguity of "rifle the balance of the years." My first thought was "rifle" as in cutting a spiral pattern in a gun's bore, which inevitably led to thoughts of creating violence. And then I finally returned to the more common meaning.
"True to her eccentric nature, she delivered excessive gifts, twisted in resentment, and adorned in life lessons. "
Examples needed.
"Either waiting for my slow birth had kept her from the most exciting date ever, or the thought of family celebrations on two consecutive days was more than she could handle."
This is weak. I would be inclined to just cut it.
" For example, when she decided it was okay to lift a Christmas tree ornament as long as three like it remained, I bought the biggest tree I could find, decorated it in threes, and bet her a dollar she would not find a liftable ornament. "
I love this, but had to read it twice to figure it out. I'm not sure how to clarify it, though.
The final paragraph is a bit disappointing. I would rework it to state that although the poker hand wasn't played, you played a larger game -- and lost -- in trying to get the family to go along with that final wish.
All in all, a good tale. I enjoyed it.
Endings of pieces this short, or of 2000 page books, provide a 'punch line', qn interpretation, or a summary of the piece. This one does that, but could be just a wee bit more effective. Perhaps the last two sentences could be addressed to her as an apology, a goodbye, and a wish. Personally, I would have buried one of my pillows with her and 'thrown that in' at the very end.
I would not have said anything, positive or critical, if I did not think this was a wonderful piece. You know that.
To both Kevin and Howard - I struggled with the ornament line. I'm not sure if it is my song writing attempts, my inexperience with writing short pieces, some form of OCD, or a combination of the three that makes me think everything has to balance. I didn't think the ornament section deserved more lines than any other example and tried to cram it all in a small space. As my daughter used to say when she was young, "Tell me don't do this."
(I tried to fix vice, but couldn't get in to edit. The others will take more thought.)
The Pine-Sol may also be to blame for the fact that I was completely confused by this turn of events: My penchant for never sleeping started with the long nights of vice-grip determination to keep her from taking my pillow. Sharing my room and my bed were enough - the pillow was not included in the deal.
Why the heck was your aunt sleeping in your bed? Did she live with you? Was there an earlier piece about this arrangement that I missed? I am all at sea.
Either way, this was one heck of a great piece!
Great read, as always. Thank you.
David, you didn't miss anything. I did. When I was young, she was a college student and slept with me when she came to visit. I'm pretty sure she swiped my pillow for one of the friends sleeping on the couch, but I didn't write all of that into this short story since I was mainly trying to show her gambling trait and my resentment with the pillow talk. And, you are always welcome to be fussy with my work if you want.
Lori, I love the ornament game, but think I could have worded it better. I wanted to throw in an example of one of her fun quirks. Her Christmas and Derby party rituals deserve articles (or novels, maybe) of their own.
Barbara, it is more than okay for you to say that. Everyone (except Lyrical) had a difficult time dealing with her. She was extremely generous and brilliant (a chemist with patents, who owned a catalyst production plant). When I worked for her, we were the only two women in the company. My job description should have been run interference for the guys, because she couldn't relate well with the chemists, the plant workers, the vendors, the neighbors, or the mailman, so I spent most of my time mediating the relationship messes she made. The sad part is that she truly liked and respected most people but always managed to negate the positive with just enough negative to leave people confused.
Joe, I am happy to say that we became very close when I finally said to her what no one else would - "Call me back when you lose the attitude and are willing to hear my side, too." I am grateful to her for preparing me for the tyrants and bullies I would meet later.
(I was trying to leave a Christmas greeting on the most recent articles by my friends, but the comment thread on your most-recent was too long for me to access. Hope it's been a beautiful celebration!)
I loved this one. Especially the ornament game :) Though I have a cousin who's wishes are in her will that she is to be buried in a see-through white negligee! And Mark's side of the family (which we really don't call family, as we don't see them) positively normal!
Great writing as per usual.
Marilyn
Mark's side of the family is nuts. Makes yours look not only nice (his aren't nice either), but fairly normal and the cousin who wants to be buried in the see-through negligee also wants an open casket. There, I think I've got it now!
Oh, and hope you had a wonderful holiday!
Kathy, you remind me that I was fortunate to have been close in age and location. When I was born, I had a six year old uncle, and two aunts who were in their teens. My grandson has an aunt who is two weeks older than him, and an uncle four years older.
Thanks for giving me the opportunity to read it!!!
This was first published before I was a member.