Rain~50 Word Fiction
December 15, 2006 04:04 AM EST
(Updated: December 15, 2006 04:05 AM EST)
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rating: 10/10
(7 votes)
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comments: 9
The silence was interrupted only by the steady fall of the much-needed rain. Alone, she thought of the life promised only to be snatched from her before it materialized. She buried her silent, solitary tears in her pillow. Outside, the rain gave her tears sound as she stifled it inside.
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Comments: 9
You've mastered a very difficult strategy with beauty and clarity of words grounded in perfect gentility. Well-done!!!
Outside, the rain gave her tears sound as she stifled it inside.
This idea is extremely striking, but is not, I think, worded correctly. "It" doesn't match number with "tears." Additionally, I think you'd have a stronger impact if you had a more active word than "it". "Inside" is implied with the word "stifled." Therefore you have two words you can use to hit the reader in the gut . . . "stifled her anguish" would be one example.