Pregnant with Possibility

My sister found this picture.   I remember it was like Charles Dicken's said....it was the best of times, it was the worst of times.  I was laid off from my job. I was having a baby and other than my sister coming to check on me now and again.  I was alone. I had all day to think that my real name might be La Abandonada.

I felt like a frightened cat on a linoleum floor with her claws out.  Hurting no one but myself.  I was soo afraid of my melancholy infecting my baby. 

I prayed for a sign and I found this book at the thrift store.  And in the first chapter it said something about touching a natural body of water was healing and I was in desperate need.  So every day I would waddle down to the shore.  Hoping no one thought I had beached myself and try "to save" me. 

I would sit at the edge of the shore and dare the water to take me.  It never did.    I thought the tide might wash away my sins.  Turns out that would not happen until some weeks later when Isabel blew thru.  I guess some of us need a lot more tide to wash away the sin. 

I remember talking with my other mama before she left for Colorado.  I was crying and scared that my son would have no father.  That I did not know what to do.  She said to me....this boy already he has all the father he needs.  That Jesus was the only man I needed to guide our lives.  And she told me.....you are pregnant with possibility my daughter.....pregnant with possibility.

I don't know if there is a point to this article, other than to reflect and remind myself of where I came from.....for the second time.