Tales my father told me: The IRS Refund Check.

Here is one of many stories my father likes to tell, I present it in his own words and from his perspective.

"Joanne, my accountant fills out my tax return and files it.  She tells me she’s got great news, I will be getting a refund check of $6,900.00.

I wait for the check to arrive, and the day finally does.  One day I look through the mail at my office at the factory and there is my refund check from the IRS.  I open up the envelope and to my dismay the IRS made a mistake with the zero’s on my check.

This is some kind of mistake.  I need to call the IRS and get this mistake taken care of.  I call the IRS and I patiently wait on hold till I get someone.

“I just got my refund check,” I tell the IRS lady who answered the phone.  “and there is some kind of mistake.”

“We don’t usually make mistakes Mr. Jaron,” she says with a hint of indignation.

“But this time there is one, my refund check should have been for $6.900.00, instead you gave me a check for $69,000.00.  You got one extra zero.”

“Well I’m sure we didn’t make mistake, if we sent you that amount then that must be the correct amount.”

“Oh.”  I know something is wrong but I don’t know what to do.  I ask the lady what’s your name, and she tells me its Betty, or whatever her name and her employee number.  I thank her for her help and I hang up.

Now I have the check and I go home and I’m concerned.  What the hell, I know I’m not entitled to $69,000.00 but what do I do?  I don’t want to get in trouble and yet I don’t want the IRS to think I’m such a bad guy and get someone over there in trouble for their mistake.  So I put the check in the bank in my regular checking account- I get like 2% on this account or something like that.

So there it was in my account.  So I usually didn’t need the money but sometimes things would happen and I would take some of the $69,000.00 out and then after a few days I would replace it.  It was like this little bank loan that I got from the IRS for about 4 or 4 ½ years.

Then about 30 days before the deadline arrives when you can no longer contest a tax filing, you see you have five years with the IRS on each tax filing year.  So, on that 30th day before the five year deadline I get a call from the IRS.  The IRS tells me that I owe them $69,000.00 dollars plus interest since the day I got the check.

When something like this happens you get nervous.  So I go to the Bank.  I have been doing business with the same bank for many years and the girls at the bank all know me.  So, when I get to the bank one of them calls to me.

“Oh Seymour, take a look at this,” One of the Bank Tellers I know says.

She hands me a letter the bank got from the IRS.  I read the letter and it says that the IRS wants to put a lien against any bank account I own.

I say, “Oh give me a withdrawal slip.”  She does.  “How much I got in my account?”

She tells me and so I take out everything I got except for a hundred dollars.  I do this for my payroll accountant, my savings account, all of my accounts.  I take out everything but a hundred dollars in each of them.  She gives me all the money and I put it all in my jacket pocket and walk away from the bank with all of my money.

What could I do, I had to pay my payroll this Friday, I had bills due, I had to have my money to pay all these people.

So then I call the IRS up.  When I get someone and explain that I got the letter telling my I owe the $69,000.00 back I say, “I know I owe the money but I don’t think I owe you the interest.”

“But we are entitled to the interest,” The IRS agent says calmly but instantly.

“I don’t think you’re really entitled,” I explain. “I think we need to sit down and talk.”

“Okay, I’ll set up an appointment so we can talk this over, we will call you back.”

Now, I’m thinking to myself, he’s going to set up an appointment?  What is this?  I’m sitting here going crazy knowing that IRS wants to have an appointment with me.  They want the interest and they’ve tired to put a lien on all my accounts, and they won’t be happy with how that’s going to turn out.

I’m thinking this all over and I’m getting upset, so, I said to Bev [his wife] “I’m getting up early in the morning tomorrow and I’m going to the IRS.  Why should I wait for them?  I don’t have the patience for those guys.”

So, I didn’t wait for the IRS I go to the building to see them.  I get inside the building and wait in line to speak to someone who will tell me where to go in this place.  There was another woman in line ahead of me and I can hear her talking to the teller.  They were talking about a check, an overpayment and I hear the teller tell her to go to the sixth floor. 

When I go to the teller and explain my situation, I had this mistaken overpayment, the IRS wanted interest, and I was waiting for an appointment and all.  He was very nice and said he was sorry but he didn’t know what he could do for me.  So I said, “Okay, thanks.”

I then walk away and walk over to the elevator and go up to the sixth floor.  I get off at the sixth floor and they ask me what I’m doing here.  I tell them I’m here to answer these complaints in the letter I was sent.  So they say, "Alright talk to this guy", and they point to this guy who has been chosen to see if he can deal with me now that I’m here.

So I talk to this guy.  He’s a very nice guy.  I mean he was so congenial you’d think he was my son.  He listens to my story and he gives me his card, but he says, all very nicely that there is nothing he could do at this time and I must wait till the proper agents contact me who have been assigned to your case.

So I go back to the factory and I find one, two, three guys waiting for me.  Three guys, they all give me their cards, and they were from the IRS.

I ask, “What are you guys doing here?”

They said, “You put in a complaint that you got back to big a check and we’re suppose to go through your books and we’re suppose to double check why you got the check and if you’re entitled to it.”

So I say, “Here’s my books," and I put them on a big table and I point to them and the books and they can go ahead and do it.

They say they want to take the books and …

I interrupt and say, “No, you’ll sit here and do it.  The books happen to be my property and not your property.  You can go through them here but you can’t leave with them.” 

They agree.
I offer them all a cup a coffee and they begin.

I get them their coffee and the three guys spend about 4 or 5 hours going over my books for the last five years and they came to the conclusions that the money is mine.

I say, “You’re positive?”

They say yes.

I say, “Then give me a letter saying the money is mine.”

So they write a letter saying all the money is mine and they sign it, and I signed it and I kept the letter.

So, now I got a letter telling me the money is mine, and they are the IRS, or at least the accountants for the IRS, and you know the IRS never makes a mistake.

So I tell Bev all this and we got the money, but as I as I told her all this, that made me nervous again.

So, I go back the next day to see the IRS on the sixth floor.

And I get another guy; he was another very nice guy.  Now, you may remember the IRS was getting all these complaints at this time saying that they were being so nasty and doing all these not so nice things to people, so now they were all trying to be ever so nice.  The guy listens to me very nicely and writes everything down as I explain it and gives me a copy of it and tells me he will handle it.  So I leave.

Now I get home and I’m thinking about all those letters I read in the Reader’s Digest about what happens to people with the IRS and the terrible things and I just get all nervous thinking about all this, I can’t believe what’s going on, something must be wrong.

So, the next morning I am the first person in line, not the last one, but the very first one and I explain I want to see that same guy from yesterday, and I show him his card.

They explain, “Oh he was temporary you need to speak with some else.”

So I go up to see this new guy.  I give him the letter, the original one I got from the IRS asking for the money back, I show them the letter from the accountants and the letter from the temporary guy.

He looks it all over and he looks over my files that they have and says, “Well, you owe this amount and you owe this amount of interest, like the first letter said.”

I said to him, “I don’t think you understand, I didn’t ask for this $69,000.00, you gave me this money.  So, I’m willing to give it to you back, but I not going to give you the interest.”

He goes off and has a meeting and he comes back.  He tells me again that I have to give them the interest.

I say, “You may want the interest, but I’ve been telling you I don’t think you’re entitled to the interest so I’m not going to give it you.”  Then I say, “I got a check written out for $69,000.00,” and I show it to him, “Now you see it?” and then I put it back into my pocket.  “So, go back and talk to the guy over there, who you’ve been talking to, and when you decide that I don’t have to pay any interest, then we will make a deal.”

He asks me, “Who do you think you are?”

I reply, “I don’t think I’m anybody, but I’m a good citizen and right is right.”

So, he goes away and then after a while he comes back.

He says, “Okay, you give us the check and will be done.”

I say, “No.  I’ll give you a check and you give me a letter saying that this clears everything up.”

He says, “Fine, you give us the money and we will send you a letter agreeing to all this.”

I say, “No.  I need you to give me a letter now.  I need that because I’ll get an ulcer worrying if you can write the letter right, since you couldn’t add the numbers up in the first place and you gave me 69,000 instead of 6,900, I need to see the letter to make sure you can write it correctly.”

The guy got a little insulted.

I say, “What are you insulted about, I’m not saying you’re the one,” I explain, “I mean the IRS, it’s not you personally that I’m talking about.  You didn’t do it personally to me by making the mistake in the first place.”

He calms down and says, “You’re right I didn’t do this to you personally, I’m just here to help you out.”

But he explains that I have to hand him the check and be assured that the IRS will send him his letter later on.

I say, “Forget about it.” And I get up to leave.

He says, “Where are you going?”

“I’m leaving, you either make a decision or you don’t make a decision.  If you don’t make a decision to give me the letter now, I’m leaving.”

He says, “Wait here, I’ll get my supervisor.”

So he goes and gets the top guy, supposedly, and they come back together.  The top guy has my letter and he holds it out.  I offer him my check with one hand and with the other hand I take his letter – very quick and at the same time – like an exchange of prisoners in the movies.

He says, “You don’t seem to trust us.”

I say, “Not exactly.” And I leave.

I go to the bank and I want to put my money back so they can draw against the check I gave them.

The teller at the bank says, “Seymour we just got this fax from the IRS and it says they tell us to keep the lien on your account.”

Well I went berserk.

I call the guy up, Mister top guy, and I says to him, “Hey, we maid a deal, and you gave me the letter saying we had a deal, and now you’re putting a lien on my accounts, what is this?”

He says, “What are you talking about?”

I say, “What do you mean what am I talking about, the bank shows me a fax they just got saying to keep the lien on my account.  A deal is a deal.  I got your letter, you shouldn’t have done this.”

He says, “Your right.” And he apologizes and he will take care of it.  And he did the lien gets lifted, I put the $69,000.00 back into the account and the IRS takes it out.

But the story doesn’t end there.

Six weeks later I get another letter from the IRS, explaining that they have a check to give me for six thousand and some odd dollars, it’s like the original amount that my accountant said I was suppose to get.

I show it to Bev, and say, “They must be crazy.  They don’t owe me anything we made a deal and I don’t owe them interest and that close the books.”

When Bev tells this story she says I was very upset, I was screaming when I get on the phone to the IRS and explain, “That I have this letter telling me I’m going to get a check for so much and so much money.”

The lady on the phone says “that’s right it’s your money, you’re entitled to it.”

I say to her, “I don’t want your god damn check, If you send me the check I will send it right back.  I don’t want to do any more business with the IRS.”

She says, “No, you must cash the check…”

“I say no, I don’t must anything.  You must take your check back because I don’t want it.”

The lady on the phone says, “Okay, Okay, calm down.  When the check arrives hold the check and I will call you back, I’ll talk to someone about it.”

So I the check arrives.

And she does calls me back and she says, “We looked into this and this check is really yours.”

I say, “You’re sure?”

She says, “Yes.  Here is what you do,” and she tells me to go to such and such bank, not my bank, but Their bank to cash the check.  They will give you the money and it’s coming directly from the IRS.

So I go to the bank and I hand them the letter with the check and they look it all over and they say, we’ll here is you six thousand and some odd dollars, it’s been a long time waiting for you.  I look at the date on the check and it’s dated back almost 5 years ago.  It’s the check I should have gotten a long time ago."

And when he finishes telling me his tales he ends with one these finally words: "Isn’t that a crazy story?"