williamfuentes.com/2006/WilliamFuentesDecember06.html
Choose your influence, don’t let influence choose you.
Saturday night: The influence of Alcohol, how influential can it be?
10.23pm. Saturday, Ketel One VODKA, already hammered. I drunk dialed Julie, she wasn’t amused, so she quickly, politely hung up on me; my peeps, my peeps.
We are who we are. We do what must be done or we let our influences choose what must be done. Must, what a funny word. I believe that there is some people out there who are just like you but at the same time we are all unique.
12:34pm Saturday. Ketel One Vodka. Still drunk with my bro.
Still drunk Dialing people. I said to Jason on the Cell "King Kong almost made me Cry" Jason goes "AwWww d'uh big Monkey make you cry". Jason Mockes me.
I drunk-dialed Sam, Jenny, Jason, Julie and Tina, only Jason ( Mr Method ) picked up, somewhere at around 12ish:am. Jason is good. Man, this is drunk, It’s not like a whiskey high, this is Vodka high? Its different, a whole different world, its more of an out of control drunk, that’s not a good thing or maybe it is? Is this what Masha discovered? I drunk dial Masha, she picked up and was real sweet with me, even after I woke her up out of a slumber cause she has to work early Sunday morning, she knows what Im feeling. I’m so hammered right now, I am drinking on an almost near empty stomach, almost, and I ate some ramen noodles.
I just drunk dialed Jay Sullivan and Wiphey.com, she was cool, she IM’d me this link of a movie that freaked me out. Jay didn’t pick up, hes still cool though, he MySpaced me. I think now I will drunken dial Nell.
I drunk dialed Jenn, Jay, Jessica and Jenny Chang. I left a call back number for JC of 212-123-4567 to disguise my call cause I really wish I didn’t call her, I new she wasnt going to pick up. I drunk dialed Julie and she’s still ignoring me; my peep Julie. I drunk dialed Summertime and then started leaving drunk dialed MySpace messages all over my MySpace friend list. I think there might be a trend here. Why William? Why the sudden blast of alcoholic behavior? Cause lately it’s been cold.
2ish:am People take comfort in there misery. Its familiar, its what we are use to, so we go to it, we live it, we handle are selves in the way we are use too. Boy, Vodka is a really strong up way to get drunk.
Taking new steps in your life is sometimes scarier than living in the miserable maybe boring maybe dead end life you have already. So you keep handling your headache and hartaches the way you have been for years even at the coast of a solution that might be a brave-might-be seemingly a foolish one.
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williamfuentes.com/2006/WilliamFuentesNovember06.html
1:45pm Thursday early Afternoon
Hm? Yeah, ya-know. I don’t know. Ok, so, here is my entry, on this early afternoon (1:45pm) on Thanksgiving Day. It’s raining outside, here, in D’uh boogie down. Turkey, it was an issue, a small one, for about two days, its over now, it’s really not the turkey that’s bothering me, much, sort of, maybe, or getting ready for dinner with family and friends, comrades, close acquaintances or whatever. I have been having a developing fervor in me lately on all kinds of levels. It started a little before October.
I over heard an old friend say the other day, “I have a temperature of a 101 degree’s”. I wanted to help but I know he wont let me, I felt bad, and I don’t see anyone making efforts to help him ether. I feel awful about it. Also, Tom has not called me back since his liberation, after making a final decision that’s probably been bugging him for the longest already. I am glad I was of some help, but now I feel a little dog-eared about it; just a little.
Sometimes I can be a real mannequin head. I want to help people all the time, my friends, my family ECT. Half of the time, when I am given an (or take the) opportunity to make a difference in ones liberation or health, afterward, I feel anomalous, imbalanced, one with no harmony, floating on my back in the middle of the ocean waiting for a rainstorm. My grandmother was a loving supportive person, feeding homeless people, giving money to dead beat relatives and neighbors, spoiling me rotten, maybe I don’t want to help anyone, it may be, I was influenced to help everyone? Or maybe I just have Spiderman complex? Anyway, I was ill, poisoned, about a month ago, since then, I have been feeling healthy and then feeling relapse and feeling good again and now I feel expressionless on this early afternoon of Thanksgiving. I feel imperceptive. I feel incensed. Its that weightiness you get in side of your torso, some were in the center, a solidity, like you want to yell or engage in some sort of activity involving running or some physical motion to vomit out that entity inside speaking to you not in words but in some alien internal body language.
My nephew came to my home today, to pick up a game controller, his was broken. While getting the controller for him I noticed he was fiddling with his jacket, “what wrong with your jacket I asked?’ He showed me a zipper was broken on one of the pockets. I fixed it by sewing on a new zipper, did it one-two-three. I got the sewing skills as well as cooking. He was happy, and then I gave him money to take a cab home and a few more extra bucks for his pocket. I love my nephew and I wanted to make his thanks giving a little more tolerable being he said to me while I was fixing pocket zipper, “ today so far is not such a good thanksgiving day”. I don’t know what his reason is for saying that, but I don’t know the exact reason why I am feeling a little blah as well.
End of essay (2:25pm)
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williamfuentes.com/2006/WilliamFuentesOctober06.html
Friday October 6th 2006My body aches. My head hurts and my eyes burn and my thoughts are running a marathon. Oh-oh, coming down with something. Fight it William, Fight It.
Birds of the same feather flock together I always say; and heard. I should be careful with what I say about birds. I’m a bird too, and I flock, whom I flocking with? I don’t know. Is a flock an emulation of what one can be? What kinds of birds I eat with, sleep with, hang around with? We are what we eat. I eat a lot of different things. Once though, I was very strict with what I put in my body. Now I’m just chomping on everything. Hang around everyone doing what ever I want when I want, I’ve been doing it a long time. What else is there to do? How do I do it? Have I been preprogrammed to behave this way? My Dad is a free wheeling bird. Gambler, smoker, moving at his own pace he’s been that way since I was a boy.
Come on William, are you product of your parents preprogramming? Aren’t we all? If you dont go in the direction they train you to go and you go in the opposite direction, you've still been influenced. Even if they dont ask anything of you, that is still influence. What do I do? Play pool with other feathers flying under the same weather. My dad plays pool or use too. We have to be preprogrammed, I think. How are we developed in the head? Aren’t we influenced? Influence depend on ones sense of developed independence, this might be liberating for some or not even the case for any.
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