Found It

A week or so, I wrote an article about no Holiday Spirit. Tonight I know I wasn't looking in the right place for it.

The past week has been leading up to today. Every day I could feel the tension building, feel the tone changing in emails and phone calls. Today it all came to a head about the Family Christmas. I had been to a close friends funeral earlier this morning, so I am emotionally just raw today. I came home to do some work this afternoon. When I loaded my email it was a list of family emails. I knew something was up. I listened to my voicemail before reading the emails and I knew, the "Holiday Fight" was on. Childhood issues were brought up, family issues were brought up, who has kids and who doesn't and on and on. I was in tears most of the afternoon. Finally, I just walked away from the computer and left the house. Something I should have done early on.

Between the funeral and the family fight, I was really just beside myself. I drove past a little zoo/ park thing we have here. It's all done up for Christmas now, it made me cry even more. I was on my way to talk to a friend until I remembered he's not there for me anymore, over something that was said right or wrong, that didn't matter. I just drove past his road and went out past a lake. By that time, the tears made it hard to see so I stopped and just cried. I don't usually cry and usually never but in the shower. To say I was really beside myself today, might be an understatement.

As I sat there by the lake, letting the tears just flow thoughts of the last year flooded in. A year ago, I wouldn't call my mom. Now I can't go a day without hearing from her. A year ago, my dad and I would not utter a word. Now I can't think of a man I admire more. I've watched my niece grow through her first year. In the past year, I have spent time with a lot of family which was never on the top of my list. I don't recognize my life from a year ago, that is how much change has happened. That happened because of people that truly love me and supported me through the ups, the downs and my year of real growth. I have personal peace now. I actually hurt when things happen to people I love, not just say "oh that's their life". When I composed myself and came home. I called my mom and dad. I just talked to them and enjoyed that moment.

Christmas isn't about expensive gifts or fancy ribbons. Most of that stuff is re-gifted anyway. Tonight, I have Thanksgiving late because I am so thankful for everyone in or that has touched my life in the last year. I have the Christmas Spirit because I have had Christmas all year long. I am truly blessed and been given so much over the past year. I don't care who I eat lunch or dinner with on Christmas. I don't care what time the gifts are open so everyone can be on their way. I don't care. I want to enjoy all that was given to me this year. That is my gift, I've already opened it.

I hope all of you enjoy this Christmas Season. Please take some time and really think about all the gifts you have everyday. Sometimes we take for granted all we are given. Now is the time to really celebrate them. Call the people you care and love even if you get voicemail, let them know you thought of them, you may impact their life in a big way. You could be the gift someone is waiting for.