HOW YA DOIN'? An innocuous enough greeting. I say it all the time without thinking. I say it to the bus driver, the UPS delivery guy and the checkout person at Shaw's. People generally nod, smile half assed, and mumble something like "fine, fine, doin' fine".
A few days ago I was out walking the dog. It was early enough in the morning that I was a bit surprised to see our neighbor, a young woman who lives upstairs, come around the corner. As she approached I smiled and said "how ya doin'?" - expecting the usual cursory reply. She stopped still in her tracks and stared at me. Her abrupt change in demeanor caught me off guard. She hesitated. "Not so good" she says. Uh oh...I'm thinkin', what now? Do I really want to know?
I wait for the next shoe to drop. "My dad had a massive heart attack." she says. She is quivering. I can't help myself, I immediately put my arms around her and pat her back. It's a bit awkward. She's much bigger than I. I feel her body let go against me. The tension drains out of her and the tears drip down her cheeks. We separate. My eyes are watery. "How old is he?" I ask. "59". Oh jeeze, he's only a little bit older then me. She's probably about my daughters age. Now I feel her emotion a little closer to home. She tells me he's at one of Boston's finest clinics. "He couldn't be at a better place" say I, and it's just a short subway ride away. She begins to gain composure, "it was touch and go for awhile, but he can get out of bed and walk now." "See, he's still young," (to me he is young, I'm young god damn it!) "he'll recover in no time." I reach out and touch her arm. She nods and heads home. I continue walking the dog.
But I'm not the same as I was a few moments before. Someone has let me come a little closer to see and feel their reality. When we meet in the future, and I ask "how ya doin?" she'll know I mean it and I'm interested to know. I guess I really do care. These gestures we make towards each other get worn and tired and loose their color from over use, but they are necessary, and regain their meaning when we are reminded of our shared humanity in what is a really, very small world.
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Comments: 9
Also the "hi..how are you?"....and then the same response back..."Good...how are you?" (as the person is quickly hurrying past you) is also annoying. If they really want to know how you are, why are they running by you?.
So much of what we say to each other has lost it's meaning. Technology is constantly pushing at us to go faster and simultaneously to "tune-out"... what a pickle we are in.
I think the majority of the comments on most of the posts I read on gather also fall into that meaningless response catagory you mentioned.
And Dorine I liked that line "buffing of the brass of human existence." I'd agree with that, these trite greetings are a kind of short hand that we humans have developed for acknowledging each others existence and they do serve that purpose.