A Play by Mozart

Here's a piece of writing that Gather readers might find interesting. It's a little trifle of no special literary interest -- except for its author: Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart.

If it had just been unearthed, I suppose it could be ballyhooed as a Unique Mozart Find, just in time for his 250th birthday year in 2006.  As it is, scholars have long been aware of the existence of this little fragment of a play (four pages long), although I’m not aware of previous translations into English.

It shows us a conventional “lover” type, his conventional low-comedy servant, and their two sweethearts; both of the two women have been transformed by some kind of magic. (The cast of characters includes a witch, but Mozart didn’t get far enough with his play to include her.) If Mozart had continued writing it, no doubt we’d see the two men undergo some kind of ordeal that would restore the two women to their normal shape, hence the work’s title: The Test of Love.

If you’re familiar with Mozart’s operas, it’s possible to see some intriguing parallels, especially in the master-servant relationship that shows up again and again in the operas. Is this a specific allusion to The Marriage of Figaro or The Magic Flute? Probably not – more likely it’s just one more deployment of a theme that’s been standard fodder for comedies through the centuries. As someone once said, when the servant class disappeared, it was a gain for society, but a huge loss for literature.

If The Test of Love is no masterpiece, it can still be read for fun, which was probably Mozart’s motive for writing it in the first place. It has some of the same qualities which you’ll find in the letters he wrote to his family (and which also show up in Amadeus) – salacious double entendres, and a manic linguistic exuberance, which is hard to capture, even in a translation better than mine.  (It seems as though there have to be previous translations out there – does anybody know?)

THE TEST OF LOVE

A Comedy in Three Acts

Dramatis Personae

Herr von Dummkopf

Rosaura, his daughter

Trautel, her maid

Leander, lover of Rosaura

Wurstl, his servant

Herr von Dumpling, lover of Rosaura

Slinzkicotinzki the Witch

A Female Dwarf

A Giantess

_

ACT ONE

[Scene: A pleasant spot, with two houses similar in appearance, one on either side.

We hear the sounds of snorting, such as a horse would make, and the blowing of the posthorn. Wurstl enters, pushing a wheelbarrow with Leander in it. He snorts and blows the posthorn.]

WURSTL [dumping Leander out of the wheelbarrow] Here we are.

LEANDER [getting up from the ground] You clumsy fool, what do you think

you're doing?

WURSTL  Unhitching the wagon.

LEANDER  You infernal ass! Throwing your master around like that! I wouldn't

be surprised if I had broken an arm and a leg. I have a mind to give you a

good thrashing. -- However, luckily for you, my wish to see my dearest Rosaura

again -- to embrace her -- is too great to let me spend any more time with a fool, Mr. von Wurstl, such as you.

WURSTL  My dear cur. . .

LEANDER  What, you idiot? --  Dear cur? You mean, Sir.

WURSTL  Er, yes -- "Sir," -- that was a slip of the tongue.  Well then, my

dear c--  --sir, that is, don't hold it against me. I wasn’t being clumsy, I was being hard-working. My desire to get you here expeditiously was so expediting,

that out of sheer expedition, I didn't know whether to throw you this way, or

that way.

LEANDER  I'll expedition you! You are the biggest donkey I have seen in my

whole life. Very well, this time I’ll forgive you. But the next time. . .

WURSTL  Next time I'll do it even better.

LEANDER  Better?

WURSTL  Naturally!  If I did it badly today, next time I'll have to do it

better.

LEANDER  All right, all right. Now go and get ready, so that once again  I

may have the happiness of seeing my dearest, my most admirable Rosaura. Quickly

now, knock on the door. But -- the deuce! -- which house is it? The one on the

right, or this one on the left? I've now been away for three whole years, and

I can no longer tell the two houses apart to know which is the right one.

WURSTL Holy moley, me neither.  Quod est faciendi, what are we going to do?

LEANDER  I'm not sure myself. I wouldn't like to go to the wrong place. You

know what, Wurstl? Go listen at both houses, and see if you can't hear a

woman's voice like the bewitching voice of my beautiful Rosaura.

WURSTL  That's a good idea. When my Trautel talks, I can tell right away.

She has a voice like a cow-bell. –  Now let’s get down to work!

[He goes to both houses and sniffs.]

LEANDER  Oh Rosaura! How I long for the joyous moment when I will see you ,

embrace you again. Now Wurstl, can you hear anything? --What the devil are you

doing? Why are you sniffing around like that?

WURSTL  Can't you be quiet? If my Trautel is in one of these houses, I'll

sniff her out. I still remember her smell exactly. But be quiet as a mouse,

otherwise I'll lose the scent, and then. . . .

LEANDER  Just be quick about it.

WURSTL  [sniffing at the right-hand house]  P. U. -- does something ever

stink! That's not it. [Sniffs at the left-hand house]  Aha! What a heavenly sweet

fragrance!  Yes, yes, you come from my dear Trautel!  Now, that I've sniffed

you, I'd like to see you too. [Knocks.] Trautel, come on out -- dear little

Trautel.

[Enter Giantess]

GIANTESS  Here I am. What is it that you wish, sir?

WURSTL  [shrinking back] Ye cats, she's gotten big! [To the Giantess] Um --

is that you .. or is that not you?

GIANTESS  Yes, my darling Wurstl, it's me, your sweet faithful Trautel! Come,

let me embrace you. [Embraces him.]

WURSTL  Yeow! Just don't love me too much, you'll crush me to death.  You

used to be such a tiny little thing, so small, and now you're a regular haystack.

Tell me, whatever happened to make you shoot up all at once like that?

GIANTESS  Well, I'll tell you the story right now, darling Wurstl. Listen.

LEANDER  My good Trautel -- it's rather difficult for me to call you by that

name, since it is almost impossible for me to think that you're Trautel, the

chambermaid of my adored Rosaura. But I will bend every effort to believe it, and to

call you -- Trautel. So, I beg of you, dear Trautel, save your story for another

time, and instead, ask my lovely Rosaura to come out. For I must see her,

speak to her, embrace her, and -- whatever.

GIANTESS  Very well. You shall see her forthwith. Oh, what a happy moment that

will be!  But here she comes now!  -- Well, go up to her.

LEANDER  But where? I see nothing.

WURSTL   Me neither.

GIANTESS  Right there. -- Be careful. Oh, now you've stepped on her.

[The female dwarf cries and screams like a small child.]

LEANDER  I'm very sorry -- but -- heavens, this can't be my Rosaura --

WURSTL  That 's a  little doll, is what that is.

DWARF  But it is I, my dearest: your faithful Rosaura -- but

perhaps not your beloved Rosaura.

LEANDER  Ah, now I recognize you!  Even if you, in your outward shape, are no

longer what you were -- yet in your sentiments you are still the same.

WURSTL   Boss! Yours has gotten littler, but mine has gotten bigger -- ergo,

mine is choicer.

LEANDER  Yes, but yours is too big.

WURSTL Yours is too little.

DWARF   Leander, my dear one, I am not surprised that you are disappointed to

see me in this tiny form. Yet I would wish that you put an end to your

surprise, and regard me once again as my beloved and gentle Leander.

LEANDER  Rosaura, my angel, you do me a great wrong. Permit me, as proof of my

invincible faithfulness and love, to place a kiss on your hand -- your

beautiful little hand. [Kneels and kisses her hand.]

(end)