Family: The ties that bind..part 1

Family, we cannot choose the family we are born into. We are just supposed to love them unconditionally.

I am the third and final child to an upper middle class family. My oldest sibling is 9 1/2 years older than I am and my next sibling is 2 years older than me. I was not a planned pregnancy, but I was not an unwanted child. I never knew a lack of love from my parents. My mother was 39 when I was born and my father was 36. Both professional people as well. 

All children are different. No one has any illusions to this fact. However in my family it is as if we all came from differrent parents. Or at least that my sister's parents were not the same as mine! Let me tell you a little about it.  

My sister had 7 years to become the apple of her daddy's eye before another sibling came to live with her. She was spoiled rotten until others came into the picture to share her parents and her home. She was glad to have a brother at the time and then 2 1/2 years later glad to have a sister as well. I think by the time she was 14, the gloss had faded from her shiny family photo.

My mother went back to work full time as a nurse and my father worked for NASA and she was left to babysit her younger brother and sister. Resentment soon set in as she was unable to do, in her words, normal teenager things.  

My recollection is that she had friends over, they tormented us, played with us or ignored us. My parents had an awesome game room that drew her friends to it. There was a pinball machine, a pachinco game, and a pool table with ping pong top as well as a pool in the back yard. There was never a lull in teenagers at the house.

She claims that we ruined her things all the time and as soon as she was 18, she was outta there. According to her, we played with her makeup, read her diary, wore her clothes, broke her horse collection, poured her perfume down the drain, just to name a few things that "we did" to ruin her life. I do not recall doing any of this. I had not shared a room with her since I was 4.  

She was true to her word and moved out when she was 18, the summer after her Senior year in High School. She married at 23, had a child at 29 and divorced at 38. She recently re-married (last year) a wonderful guy. Her first husband was not a go getter. He had little to no ambition and worked for the same company since he was 18. Not very well educated and came from alcoholic parents. They fought all the time and the divorce was not a shock to anyone.

My sister and I were not close as I grew up. She recites that resentment as the reason. When I was 18 I wrote her a letter telling her of the sister I wish I had and the relationship I wanted to have with her, now at 35 we finally have something close to it. It took another 12 years for it to get there unfortunately.

Now, my brother is another story.  He was always the odd man out. He was had an average iq, graduated with a C average and had very few friends and no girlfriend to speak of in High School. What he did have going for him was he was a nice guy. He took people places, he was always there to help and he rarely said no to anyone. He was used alot as a young man. He chose poorly for friends as well. Sadly his friends were not that good. All of them save one have been in jail or on drugs or in trouble. He does not even have any close friends that I am aware of today. He met his wife when he was 20 and fell hard for her. Let's just say this, she was not the choice my parents would have liked for a daughter in law, but he loved her so there ya go. (a story for another day). They live in poverty in Sacremento with 3 kids and come to visit once a year. We are close enough to speak weekly and keep up with one another, but the lies that come from that household would fill a book. 

My story? I am the only one of us to go to college. I have been married for 13 years and have one child. My parents and I are close but it was not always the case.  In my senior year of high school, my dad was travelling alot and mom was diagnosed with cancer.  She and I became super close that year and shared alot, not everything, but a good deal of things. I also was out to do all I could that year so I could experience life, just in case. My boyfriend that year (for 2 actually) was a violent boy. He was not to me, but to others. To me, he was verbally abusive. We fought terribly. Due to this, it was discovered that I had a condition that mimicks appendicitis and is very painful. He was only in my life for a few years, but he taught me alot. My father actually became a person to me this year as he comforted me through some very tough nights. 

I worry that I have gotten off track, so let me get back there.  My sister often complains that "our parents" were not what she wanted. They were terrible parents according to her. Not fit to have children. We think she was looking for the Nelsons or the Cleavers for parents and that was not what we had.

My parents are two people who worked hard to provide for their kids. To make sure they wanted for nothing. They grew up with poor parents and did not want the same for their kids so they worked hard to ensure that we were provided for.  We never lacked for anything. Did I always get what I wanted? No. Did I lack in clothes, toys or attention? No. 

My parents were weird and did not do alot of things with us, but that is not a bad thing. Just something to aspire against with my child. I will write about that on another day.  

My parents are something to aspire to in many other factors though, 52 years of marriage, 3 healthy kids, a home that they own, careers to be proud of and 5 grandkids to love and cherish. They are in their 70s now and are different people than we grew up with, but that is expected. Everyone grows and changes over the years. My parents grew up with us as did we with them.

I love my family in spite of their flaws or maybe due to them. That is a pretty good tie that binds.