8 weeks and counting

I sat there holding the little stick; not wanting to use it, but knowing I needed to know sooner or later. I wasn't ready for this. Why so soon? Where did I go wrong? I couldn't take ALL the blame, but it wasn't all my husband's fault either.

As I placed the magic wand on the counter, I watched the strip of color slowly move across one window and then the second. Only one line appeared! I was careful not to be too excited as the directions did say to wait 5 minutes. So I crawled back into bed waiting for the alarm to buzz again for the second snooze. Then I walked back into the bathroom. Sure enough, faint but a definite second line was smiling back at me. My husband appeared at my side. "What does two lines mean?" he asked. "I'm pregnant." I answered simply.

Andrew is only 9 months old. We had planned to wait until he was close to 2 years old before conceiving a fourth child. Now, I am 8+ weeks and sick every day. It seems with each pregancy I feel worse. At this point, I don't want to eat anything or drink anything. My heart and brain tells me I need to for the sake of my health and my unborn child's health. My throat and stomach tells me it will reject whatever goes down. This is the worst part of it for me. I would much rather go through the pain of giving birth, than to feel that awful nausea all day long. I am hoping that after the first trimester it will pass and I will have the appetite to eat and the energy to keep home again.

The excitement of another one is slow in coming, especially for my husband. We have a car with three carseat crammed into the back seat. We need a van. Now, we need a van by July. An expense we really can't afford, but can't avoid now.

God is good, though. He takes care of our needs and will not fail us now. I go to the doctor on December 13th for my first prenatal checkup. My 4 year old daughter is thrilled. She has informed me that this one "has to be" a girl. She needs a sister. We have yet to tell all the family. His parents are excited. Mine are worried. About my health (this is my 6th pregnancy in 5 years), about the finances(my husband is in college and only working one full time job right now), about my sanity (need I say any more)! My mom mostly, although when the first one came, she was ecstatic to be a grandmother. This will make grandbaby #10 for her in just 5 years.

I am grateful to have progressed this far. I have had a miscarriage at 8 1/2 weeks, lost a child at 33 weeks and had a few scares with both my boys during various stages of their pregnancies. Each day I get more excited. I am anxious for the first flutters of movement. I desire to know the gender. I know it will go by too fast -- at least until the last 8 weeks, then it drags.

Rejoice with me, and for those who do, pray for me. It is tough going at this time, but I will make it. With God's help and strength this too shall pass.