.. why does it feel like mine's been stockpiled??
(I know I'm just going to get ragged on for publishing this, but if one person knows or understands, it could be worth it)
I'm 2 weeks late for my period. I'm 36 and was fixed 10 years ago, although I've misscarried about 8 times since then. I'm able to go through the first trimester, but I wish I couldn't. I can't handle either the emotional nor physical pain...and the added worry of "what now?" doesn't help either.
I've been depressed since--at least, a teenager. Diagnosis and treatment didn't begin until I was about 28/29. I've gotten progressively worse...anxiety is a closer "friend" to me than most people.
I use to work warehouse, but that helped to destroy my knees...then hips, and finally back. I'm in pain most days--the really bad ones I take viccadin for, but it doesn't help much. I've had 3 surgeries, which obviously hasn't done much good. I almost think the last made it all worse.
Up until last winter, I was living with my parents(and 3 kids). I was only suppose to be there for about six months...but the whole "bad-preacher" thing wrecked it all and I lived there 3 years instead. Very hard, very long. I slept in the livingroom, my girls shared a 10x10 room. Tempers flared , feelings were hurt on a daily basis. I became a shield or barrier of sorts for my kids, protecting them from my mother's harsh words and heavy-handed swings. I thought I was going to be "free" from alot when I moved in with my boyfriend, but that added more emotional stress than I could forsee(the good thing there--we now get along great with my parents).
To top it all off, I've been constantly picking up one virus after another. I'm losing support(welfare) because my doctors don't agree and my worker doesn't care(like any of them really do). I'll have nothing for the month of December...no rent, no food, nothing.
I can only "pretend" for so long...I'm giving up for now.
Ok, maybe I can handle what I've been given, since I'm able to complain and write about it. And some days, I'm actually "ok". I've no extra spiritual guidance(how many places of worship accept christian witches?), but I could sure use it, especially now.
Guess I just needed to get it all off my chest.
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Comments: 9
you might want to check with the doc on this one!! if your having miscarriages, your not fixed
Your article brought tears to my eyes. Depression is a terrible thing to endure without all those added problems that you are suffering.
Remember, there is always light at the end of that dark damp tunnel. Getting the strength to keep striving toward it is a hard battle, though. Earnest, heartfelt prayer can help a lot, believe me, in spite of feeling that God has forsaken you.
You know, when I see or hear of people that are going through such tribulations, it makes me think, "This person must be pretty close to God because Satan is doing his best to drag her/him down."
Satan is not interested in those that are already lost so he leaves them alone. He wants those that have faith in God and His son, Jesus. He wants to break them down and claim yet another victory.
I am sure that the members here will join me in offering prayers to our creator to give you the strength to carry on.
I understand your pain and frustration. I've been dealing with depression for over 20 years but just started to get help a year ago. I'm still in the "lets see if these meds work" phase.
Are the pregnancies that you've had in the fallopian tubes? It's the possiblity I can see if you were "fixed". Otherwise, I'd see a doctor about doing it again to prevent the trials you've had to endure with 8 pregnancies.
If you do lose your aide, call the Salvation Army, Lions Club, Unicef and any other local assistance programs. I'm sure they can help and will help with providing a holiday for your children.
Don't give up...there are people willing to help you even in times when you may feel that nobody cares.
You cannot petitiion the Lord with Prayer- Jim Morrison
There are plenty of people carrying burdens that they cannot bear.
If you have reched your limit and are still here then there is surely more for you, until the time comes when you are called and you will leave. It's simple and no one in this life has any answers that you do not have yourself concerning thie marvelous.
Enjoy the show.
Happy Unbirthday and best regards,
joelsamuelpresents
I've been dealing with depression, and chronic pain for many years now. I rely on the oxycontin I'm prescribed to try and keep the pain reasonable so I can keep functioning from day to day despite the terrible pain that keeps me from walking and standing much. I'm also on antidepressants, that help, but the constant pain is often too much, and I'm often down sick with anything and everything that seems to be going around. Because I'm married I don't qualify for any extra help, and although my husband works, his income is not enough for us to make ends meet much of the time, but thankfully there is a paycheck to try and juggle from week to week. Try checking out some of the various groups that Carol & Kimberly mentioned. I know the Salvation Army is always willing to help people out and if you have no income or way to get food or anything else then you certainly deserve help. Often churches will help people out too.
I'd also be tempted to get hold of another doctor for another opinion and see if there isn't some way to get some disability or something. It doesn't sound like you are able to work right now, and your children need to have food on the table.
What is a Christian Witch?
I'm sure there are a lot of churches out there where you would be welcome to take your three children and attend. Just don't give up. Thoughts & prayers are with you. If you can just keep believing, and check out, I'm sure there will be something or someone out there who can help you. I know I am able to get through each day because of the Christian friends I have in my Church family, and the love & concern that I receive from my friends, and knowing God is there for me. Will keep you in thoughts & prayers, and trust that things will work out for you.
Amber: I've gone thru the surgery twice now, but my insurance won't do anymore because it's "preventive surgery". Go figure.
Kathleen: A christian witch is someone who wholeheatedly accepts Christ, but still believes in magic of sorts(at least, it's how I see it). I always accept prayers, thank you.
Johnny: that's something I really needed to hear. Sometimes it's hard to "hear" those things when I'm down...thank you so much for saying them and praying.
Kimberly and Carol: thanks for the ideas. I'll try those places. Thanks for your thoughts.
Joel: while I mightn't agree with all that you said, I thank you for your words.
Dawn: I'm sorry to hear that you too are stuck with constant pain. I'm going for a second opinion, but couldn't get in till January :( I'd like a church that won't try to change my thoughts/beliefs, but I hate having to hide what or who I am, just to be included. Thanks for your thoughts and prayers.
BTW--I'm looking for that UU church, too.
Thank you all so much.