The other night I saw a television show that was showcasing children's playhouses, and I have to say I was shocked. The parents interviewed had shelled out anywhere from thirty to fifty thousand dollars for their children's playhouse! To put this into perspective, the home I LIVE IN was purchased for only$45, 000 several years ago.
One playhouse was a replica of the White House, and the doorbell plays "Hail to the Chief". Inside is a replica Oval Office. Portraits of all of the Presidents line the walls. The playhouse is so big that all of the family can fit inside comfortably.
There were other houses as well, just as elaborate. Victorian mansions, log cabins, and beach houses. None were under thirty thousand dollars.
The parents interviewed thought the houses were a bit pricey, but "the children loved them so much they couldnt' say 'no'".
Wow. And to think I felt bad for not being able to afford a Playstation 3.
What has happened to modern day parents? What has happened to family values and why do parents think that children should never hear the word "no" or suffer any disappointment in life? Are parents trying to ease the guilt they feel for not spending enough time with their kids? Or are the parents trying to find a "babysitter" after too many hours at work? What is it?
The thing parents forget is that today's children are tomorrow's leaders. How scary to think our country could be run by someone who has never suffered disappointment or never heard the word "no", for it is through disappointment that we become stronger.
Parents need to wake up and let their children feel the pain of loss, the pain of disappointment. Most of all, children need to feel the satisfaction that comes from earning what they want. And they need to also learn that anything worth having is also worth waiting for. Instant gratification is what turns people into addicts of different kinds.
So, parents, wake up. It's okay if your children feel disappointment or anger or sadness. It's all a part of this thing called life.
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Comments: 23
None of us wants our kid to be the kid who felt neglected and didn't get what the other kids got. We worry our kid will start hanging with the crowds of kids whose parents neglect them to the point of abuse and create societal problems. We don't want that. So we give our kids the things we feel we need to, that will make him feel cool and want to fit in.
I realize people will disagree with me and this probably should have been done as an article rather than a response. I may yet do that.
My 13 year old has just what is needed. A few gifts she deserved. But till she knows the value and the responsibility. She will have the hand me downs of furniture and such. She knows that and admits I am right with the way I think. If she had the good of all she couldn't be herself as she would be afraid to wreck it.
Thus she knows things are not just handed. You have to work for it. You have to respect it cause not everyone has what they want or feel they need.
We have playstation 1 and 2... NONE of which are hooked up for my childs every second use. They are set up in my room and unless chores are done (not perfect - just done) she knows not to ask about getting on them. Now homework on the other hand is done before any TV, checking email, playstation...
Some things are better left untouched till priorities are in place.
The kids call me a bitch all the time.... But as teenagers they also tell me how they love me for it.
I'd rather have far less pay but have time to spend with my children, just baking cookies or lying on the grass looking up at the clouds. Your chhildren don't need stuff, they need the very best gift you can give, yourself.
Whatever the reason, the children are being SPOILED! Children NEED boundaries, and learning to cope with ,"No." is an important part of growing up.
Thanks for a very well written article, Cheryl:)
They don't behave....they don't get privileges.
the problems of the very rich are far greater than the very poor because their children are often smothered with toys and compensation.
as someone said here, spending quality time with your children is far greater than anything else..
this is a great article Cheryl as we come near the gift holiday season..
we must not feel we need to give expensive toys, giving children your time and love is the greatest gift you can offer them, anything else is just compensation for something missing
Great article Cheryl!
I agree kids need to earn what the get..and not get everything they want just because they want it...and learning the value of living isn't a bad thing too..Things in life don't come cheap, well to most of us...and spending quility time together is priceless :)
At the same time, I don't want to turn my daughter into a compliant robot, I don't want her to feel judged, but I want her to know that "swift justice" awaits if she does something that she knows is wrong. The results have been great so far; she's a well-mannered responsible kid that treats people, even other kids, with respect. She sings and dances, builds forts with cushions and lawn chairs, and draws all over the driveway constantly, so I feel that she's plenty free and creative. I guess it's easier for a lot of parents to take a stand one way or the other, total freedom or total structure, but my wife and I chose to carefully tread the line between the two.
Carolyn W...I'm sorry about your son. The best thing you can do for him is not put him in a position of taking sides or getting in the middle of a difficult situation. I know from past experience that when this happens, the child will resent you for it one day. Just be there for him. Let him know that BOTH parents love him, despite the fact you are no longer together.