How Do I Get Rid of The Knot In My Stomach~One Week To Go!

I Probably shouldn't write this, but what the hell, this is Gather and a place to say whatever you wish isn't it? I know my family and friends are probably sick and tired of hearing me complain about the way I feel all the time whether it's about my leg, my knee or my back, but truth be told the last few years have been rough ones for me..

Long story short I had back surgery five years ago...a spinal fusion and laminectomy to correct two vertibrae that were out of whack due to arthritus. It was a long surgery and painful recovery. lasting nearly 2 months along with intensive physical therapy... But recover I did and had 3 good years where I was able to go about my business, exercise again, even got back to my 4 mile walks...

But then I started having pain in my legs, hot heaping hunks of pain traveling down the both legs accompanied by numbing on one side of my left leg..At one point it was so bad I could hardly walk...went to a neurosurgeon who did some tests for some major diseases and came up with a diagnosis of  peripheral neuropathy, nerve damage in my legs due to the scar tissue on the site of my surgery... Nothing really could be done for it, except some medication...

Then the back pain started again, only this time further up my spine just above the surgical area. After another year of this,  having epidurals to mask the pain for a short while, but it would always come back......avoiding the inevitable..

 I went back to my surgeon last month after having some MRI's done...He showed us, hubby and I , what was going on in the disk just above the area...it was totally disintergrating and causing extreme pressure on the rods and hardware that is already there, leaving a space above where the rest of my back needs support....A big mess in other words..

The good news is there is a new cutting edge procedure that can be done, much less invasive than what I had before...only about 100 doctors in the world are doing it , my doctor is one of them, and using the new microscopic tools that have been invented recently. With these tools there is no cutting open your back, just a small 2 -3 inch incision on your side where the area can be cleaned up, the old disc removed and a new cushiony one can be put in...3 days in the hospital instead of the week I spent last time and 2-3 weeks recovery instead of the very long 2 months...He says I will be pain free...

So what to do?  Should I or shouldn't I? It seemed a no brainer to me so I agreed. Even though I'm just really now really recovering successfully from the knee surgery I had two months ago.

Well, now that it's only a week away I'm starting to have panic attacks in the middle of the night remembering the horrors of 5 years ago, the recovery room, the screams from some lady down the hall in the middle of the night in a room nearby. The IV's, and the trouble the nurses had with finding veins in my arms...all of it coming back to me...but the doctor assured me it's much less invasive, didn't he...that it's really a much simpler and easier procedure. That I will be pain free, no more meds for my back...(hopefully), so I  will do it..I don't know how or if it will help the neuropathy in my leg, but having one major pain gone will be a blessing I'm sure...and my knee certainly is better.

I just have to get through the next few weeks...I didn't want to tell all my misgivings to my family again.They hear enough of  my kvetching and complaining... But it's surely nice to have a venue like this to use to vent my emotions...thank you all for reading.