Wing and a Prayer

A koan is a brief saying from an Eastern religion intended to provide a breakthrough to enlightenment. Unfortunately after reading a koan, many people are hungry for enlightenment again in an hour or so. This contrasts with Western religion, where one reads a long heavy book, and many books of commentary on that book, and then is enlightened forever, or at least has indigestion for a very long time.

Zen Masters have been accused of slapping young acolytes to force enlightenment on them. This may be an example of religious abuse. Some Christian religious teachers have been accused of sexually abusing young acolytes, perhaps thinking they were bringing enlightenment to them. I won't comment on that until I check with the Pope.

Here is an unfamous (perhaps soon to be infamous) koan:

What is the uplift of one wing flapping?

The answer is:

THUD.

This article is about CORRECT CORRECTNESS.

There are various kinds of correctness. The most well known is political correctness (PC). Politically correct birds fly with their left wing. Here’s  a politically correct bumper sticker: THERE NEVER WAS A GOOD WAR OR A BAD PEACE. I guess I should be impressed that this statement was said by Ben Franklin, who was a pretty cool and smart dude, though I think he was having a bad day when he wrote that little apothegm.

(Most of my ancestors were Jewish. Though I don’t practice the Jewish religion, I can conceive of a peaceful situation similar to the following: “Adolph, thank you for providing me with the train schedule. I will get on the train to the solution camp by myself to save you the trouble of putting me on the train.”)

Two political figures well-known for PC statements are Mr. Al Sharpton and Mr. Jesse Jackson. About Al, I wonder if there is a nickname for someone whose name is somewhat opposite to his traits, brain power for example. Both men like to be referred to as Rev. I would put Al at Rev .05 and Jesse at Rev .1.

Both belong to minorities and are proud of it. Both ran for President. Both focused on issues and causes that appealed to their Minority Community. Neither quite grasped the relationship of minority to majority when it comes to winning elections.

Less well known are the Righteously Correct birds. RC birds have two wings, the conservative political wing and the religious right wing, on the same side. A bird with two wings on the same side flies much better than a bird with only one wing. It bounces when it thuds.

A good example of a cry heard from the RC side is HOMOSEXUALS CAN BE CURED. Homosexual people often take this to heart by marrying people of the opposite sex. Then, marriage to a good woman or a good man (as appropriate) cures them. Except once in a while, as in the case of the prominent evangelical minister in Colorado who bought drugs from a homosexual prostitute. 

Another good tack for curing homosexuality is becoming a politician who speaks out against the Homosexual Agenda. As you can see from these examples, self-hatred is a surefire cure to being a homosexual.

A well-known RC political pundit is Ann Coulter. Here’s a comment I heard Robin Williams make as was being interviewed on the radio recently. “They are now using Ann Coulter’s spit as an anti-venom treatment. If you get bit by a cobra, not only will her spit save your life, it will also kill the cobra.”

Are there any other choices, you may ask? Is it even possible to be correctly correct? Aren’t there any moderate, middle-of-the-road correct people? you wonder.

Yes there ARE Moderately Correct people. They are found in the middle of the road with tire tracks on both wings.

Finally, I offer you Random Correctness.

Like a stopped watch, I am correct twice a day. All you have to do to be as correct as I am is to ignore the rest of my comments. I'll also give you a tip of how you can use liberals and conservatives to safely guide you to correct correctness.

Liberals make many critical comments about conservatives. I think they are correct most of the time.

Conservatives make many critical comments about liberals. I think they are correct most of the time.

In case you were wondering, I belong to the Cynical-Sarcastic party. 90% of the voters secretly support us, but they seldom vote for our ticket. Here's the reason to vote our party line: 

We haven’t made the world a better place, but we are less disappointed most of the time.