I am not sure where I go
when I am lost
when I feel so low
I wish I knew the way
I'll find it someday
the place of joy so pure
When dark clouds surround me
I look for friends
please help me, be there, please
I am not sure where I go
Look into me know
your needed there, please help, please
Copyright Nov 16, 2006 M.Emmett Townsend
A few weeks ago I read a post about a persons thoughts on depression and medication. I responded (disagreeing with them some, but not angry at their post) with a poem about my friend who killed himself. I went silent soon there after... I tried to write I couldn't, I was lost in the midst of the emotional mire that is depression, locked in the muck like a dinosaur in the tar pits... trying striving, but failing miserably at least it seemed, to get out of it.
I am here again, as usual not the same person I was when I left, but that's life, we change hopefully grow. My depression is not one of therapy etc.. but one of medical advice and medication. I was born with a brain situation that keep my seritonin and dopamine levels low, and if you add stress even normal stress over time, the levels get even lower... the result is depression, some times sad but for the most part lost and unmotivated. I have been down before and I will be again, but I strive to keep moving forward, never giving up. I have children and a dear wife, they are the reason I don't get worse, They are my ultimate motivation, I may not be able to function 100% on any one day but because of my love for them and the love they give, I survive to another day, where I can function and can do.
I have missed Gather becouse at my worst I couldn't even motivate to dial up my computer. I would goto work, do the best I could then come home and curl up in bed, and of course I got sick in the midst of it becouse depressive cycles lower your emune systems ability to fight.
None of this is complaint, this is just me trying to say hello to you and letting you know where I have been. I know others won't care, but some of you do, thank you.
This is about all I can do tonight, not up to 100% yet, but 1% at a time I am coming back.
Welcome to the not so fun part of my world.. but welcome none the less.
M. Emmett Townsend
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Comments: 20
I am at home here... And I am grateful to have all of you my friends.
Hang in there, & keep meeting with us here in Gather.com too. Believe it or not ... "you" are important. Not only for your family, but for yourself, & I know God says the same thing!
While your family gives you love; the only force capable of motivating; of instilling in you, the will to live and strive on through these difficult times, 'strangers' too, can lend a hand along the way... Hopefully, that is what we here can do; offer encouragement, an 'ear' to bend, and a very sincere, welcome back!
Please feel free to share you feelings in any of my groups, you are always a welcome member.
carol
It's awful when you're low. Your shoulders feel as though someone put lead weights on them. And the douvet feels like a sheild protecting you from either a hostile or an apathetic world. It's the worst. It's absolutely the worst thing ever. I hope you're feeling strong today. And when I see a post from you, I'll know you've got your strength up.
Here's to hoping today's a good one.
Pat
your thoughts
your feelings
your friendships
are pillers of strength to me
G-d Bless us everyone!!!
Shalom
Emmett, so many care for and about you. So glad you're back and an understanding and loving family can make all the difference in the world. My husband is on a couple of anti-depressants as well as many other meds and we're very, very close and I know it helps us both. Hugs........and welcome back to your online friends and neighbors.