[Note: I just needed to write this. I don't really care if I get comments. I just feel so alone tonight and I had to just let someone know and so I turned to Gather.]
I find myself thinking about crying tonight. I think about it a lot these days. I do cry once in a while, when my kids are not around because I don't want to scare them. They only know me as the strong mother that supports them. They have rarely seen me cry, even when I was going through a very painful and messy divorce. When I cried, it was away from them, out of their sight.
I have been needing to have a long cry but it occurred to me tonight that even if I cry, that isn't what I need. I need to cry in the presence of someone. I need to have my pain validated. That sounds strange. I know. And I almost hesitate to say that but this is what I am feeling. I need to cry and have someone reach out and touch my hand or hold me and just let me cry.
Unfortunately, I find myself with no one. I am a recent implant to my area. I don't have friends here. The one person that I could talk to about this pain and this need to cry is the person who is currently the cause for the pain and the need to cry. I truly feel like I have no one.
Tonight I am all alone.
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Comments: 14
Peace,
libramoon
Your aloneness may be your greatest gift. At least, I feel so. You write well and should give yourself some credit for being a gifted writer, able to cast your feelings into words. Isnt that what this place is about? Good luck.
My sorrow and desolation over my family and my upbringing has yet to come. I have found some relief through writing about my childhood but it is still all there.
I think tonight it is about the final realization that the dream I have had for many years will not ever be. I think I have sort of known this for some time but tonight it is all so final. My heart aches that this dream did not have a chance. And it aches because it will change my life.
We should all form a club and talk to each other about our pain and sorrow. Maybe we could at least listen and relieve a little pressure! There are lots of us that are going through this all alone.
Thank you.
Melanie -- whoever told you that negative attention and a bad relationship were better than nothing was terribly wrong. Both of those things are toxic and damaging . . . emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and physically. Negative attention is also addictive, and that is why it often seems that it is better than nothing; it has a huge energetic charge. But it is corrosive energy, and it will wear out your heart and soul. I hope there's someone you can talk to about this who can help you to sort it out in a way that's healthy and reasonable. Corina is a dear and wise woman; she's extended her hand, and I bet you wouldn't regret taking it.
Your words are so soothing. I could almost hear your voice saying them. What a gift! Thank you. I have printed them out and will keep them next to me so I can refer to them as needed, which these days is all the time. I'm thinking I should make a laminated copy, so it won't get tear soaked!
Thank you.
You David, are wise beyond your years. Thank you!
Wow! Your words about my writing touched me. I guess if I can't have someone physically embrace me, I will take a cyber embrace! And I appreciate the fact that the compliment came about my writing. It is writing that has kept me going. And since the dream has vanished, writing will have to keep me going on, if I am to go on.
Thank you. Your words made a difference.
Again, thank you.