Remember, we all stumble, every one of us. That's why it's a comfort to go hand in hand.
- Emily Kimbrough, author and broadcaster (1899-1989)
This goes against almost every lesson that is taught (usually by example) to young people in western countries. Never admit you made a mistake, always find someone else to blame if necessary and never let them see you sweat.
These lessons, young people are led to believe, are what will serve them best when they are at the "top of the heap."
The trouble is, very few make it to the top. And of the few who do, almost none are happy. The vast majority suffer some form of confusion or alienation.
Then who is teaching these lessons? Oddly enough, parents are teaching them, either intentionally and consciously as lessons in life or unconsciously by discussions they have in family settings or by role modelling.
No one can succeed as an island, of course, which is why we have so many people with emotional and psychological problems, so many divorces, so few real friends, so many people who see therapists and so much confusion about how to cope with the ups and downs of life.
The lessons we teach to young people are the setup for the failure they see in their own parents and the failure they will have in their own lives.
We can't do it alone. We need to teach children how to find people they can trust. We need to help them to understand that they should ask for help when they need it. We need to help them to say "I don't understand."
We need to explain to them that they should find someone to help them when they are confused, troubled or when they know they are in need of something in their lives, before they strike off alone without the necessary coping skills and find themselves in trouble.
"Hand in hand" means not just that we are stronger together. It also means that we can share our collective wisdom, knowledge and skills, our creativity and resourcefulness and we can spread the burden of responsibility around among us.
Enough individuals will rise to the top that we don't need to worry about misleading them. At least we would have far more healthy people in the middle of the pack.
Bill Allin
Turning It Around: Causes and Cures for Today's Epidemic Social Problems, striving to grow healthier and wiser adults.
Learn more at http://billallin.com
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Comments: 9
I just did my first round of parent teacher conferences ever. I wish more parents thought like you do.
Almost no parents realize that teachers have no right according to curriculum to address the social or emotional deficits that their children have. Most expect teachers to deal with discipline problems through miracles, without having to resort to unpleasant disciplinary measures, which they all know don't work.
You will get used to them and how to manage parent-teacher conference days. I used to look forward to them because it gave me a chance to link up with the "other" parents in person. I always called them on the phone at least a couple of times each year.
The position of the teacher has traditionally been recognized, in law, as "in loco parentae" (in place of the parents).
I wonder, Bill, speaking as an expert in your field, do you have any PRACTICAL advice to offer as to how parents, or others of us, can do what you suggest here? That might be useful.
Also, as an aside, Bill, you should probably note that it's more than just parents who are sending that message ("Never admit you made a mistake, always find someone else to blame if necessary and never let them see you sweat.") The current American President is a prime case in point. (Now please don't accuse me of trying to detour your thread into a political debate, which I know you disdain. I'm simply offering what I consider to be a very valid example of your thesis. Okay?)
You made some wise decisions and stuck to them. No one said it would be easy.