by amanda wallin
Member since:
August 30, 2006

wax N' wane ( republished for Debra W. )

November 09, 2006 12:05 PM EST
views: 89 | comments: 39

 

She glows
Anticipating glory
Swaying off kilter
Aching to whet an insatiable appetitite

 

She grows
Greedily devouring the atmosphere
Frenzied, she dips and revels
Carelessly emits seductive beams
Bathing, caressing,
Merging with a stark red flow
She envelops the surge of charged rays

 

She dreads
the inevitable fullness in stealth
Unwelcome, out of control
Burst or retreat
Reminded she merely mirrors the light
She digests her brightness in shame

 

She withdraws
Drained, self conscious
Shrivelling, enshrouded by darkness
Now a starving sliver encompassed by shadow

 

She begs
the cycle to stop
in the arc of mediocrityComplete in a galaxy of reason
A shade of gray matter

 

She yearns
To create an energy source of her own
An invincible strength
An unshakable truth
No longer function on borrowed merit

 

She seeks
to earn the worth of her praise
Seize control
of the waxing and wane of her soul
Hide from the ogling stars
and shine with her untapped potential

 

She forgets
Rays reflect off her eager grin
Basking in celestial warmth
Stripped of inhibition

 

She glows

 

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Comments: 39

very nice amanda
Quinn (aka Entwife) Blackburn Nov 9, 2006, 12:26pm EST
Perfectly captures the bipolar roller coaster, well done! Here's a little something to make you laugh, since I haven't any good jokes on the tip of my tongue. I always go for this when I need a laugh.

http://pip.rubberfeet.org/stuff/ducks.html
Virginia M. Nov 9, 2006, 12:28pm EST
This is beautiful!
♯ ♪ Nov 9, 2006, 12:30pm EST
Nicely done, Amanda.
Richard Melendez Nov 9, 2006, 12:34pm EST
Amanda... intensely reminiscent of the cycles that flow. Happiness comes again and I am cheered to know, SHE ENDS IN A GLOW.
Anne B. Grote Nov 9, 2006, 12:34pm EST
great contrast in revealing the character's wishes, Amanda.
Natalie ! Nov 9, 2006, 12:37pm EST
go Amanda, go Amanda! You rock!
amanda wallin Nov 9, 2006, 12:40pm EST
Thank you. I'm always a bit hesitant to post the inner workings of my mind but I go for it anyway....
Natalie: will you be my personal cheerleader?
Natalie ! Nov 9, 2006, 12:42pm EST
Amanda, of course I would love to be your personal cheerleader! Can my uniform be pink?
Edward Nudelman Nov 9, 2006, 12:46pm EST
Amazing Amanda, (lover of cats)
Apryl Just Apryl Nov 9, 2006, 12:47pm EST
You always glow, my friend. It comes from the beauty of your soul.
Cecile V. Nov 9, 2006, 1:05pm EST
From "the innerworkings" of our mind our best work often comes, Amanda, and it is healing. Thank you for letting us in!
Corina Carrasco Nov 9, 2006, 1:21pm EST
Very, very nice. You never cease to amaze, Amanda!
Jennifer F. Nov 9, 2006, 1:45pm EST
So beautiful! I'm so glad that you reposted this because it's one I have not read yet. You are one incredible and unique woman!
Mark Jepsen Nov 9, 2006, 2:10pm EST
Amanda, no mere reflected glory with you, my dear. You shine all on your own, and radiate your wonderful insight to those of us who are lucky enough to enjoy you.
mona d. Nov 9, 2006, 2:27pm EST
why do i hold my breath when i read your writings? must be because they provide me with everything i need.
amanda wallin Nov 9, 2006, 3:04pm EST
your, '[er You're welcome my love...
Olga M. Nov 9, 2006, 4:45pm EST
Good heavens, yes!!!!! That's me!!! That's anyone who has any experience with being bi-polar. That cycle has been going on with me all my life, and right now I am going into the "shame phase" and it really hurts. It makes me want to tuck in every tendril I have ever wantonly thrust out when I was on a manic roll, thinking I was invincible and a genius of wisdom and wit. Whew.
amanda wallin Nov 9, 2006, 5:09pm EST
Olga, I'm so sorry. I recently crashed from a manic high but am getting back on my feet again. We always do. Aren't we just goddesses when we're manic?") and pieces of shit when down? Walking paradoxes....You have nothing to be ashamed of. You're a brilliant writer. Use your dark side. It works for me....Feel better hon!
Natalie ! Nov 9, 2006, 5:11pm EST
Amanda do I need to cheer for you some more? Because I can, just let me know!
Olga M. Nov 9, 2006, 5:20pm EST
I'm so glad to find this group. Understanding like yours prevents me from obsessing over all the people I want to go "apologise" to, which would just make me even more of a pathetic nuisance in their eyes. I keep hoping for time to pass so that it will erase all of the foolish acts and proclamations I have issued forth in complete self adoration but as soon as I think that maybe I have won everyone's respect again I blow it all with a new episode. Each time I think, "But this time it IS being accepted, I AM being momentous in my contributions to their lives and all of humanity but sure enough, it always comes back and beats me down.
amanda wallin Nov 9, 2006, 6:10pm EST
I don't think you're blowing anything. We're mentally ill and if the people around us can't accept that then screw 'em. We possess insight that they tend to lack because we run the gamut of emotions and are hyper sensitive. I understand where you're coming from completely but I'm sure you've made tremendous impacts on other's lives. Don't underestimate yourself!
David Rochester Nov 9, 2006, 6:12pm EST
Thank you for sharing this. Simultaneously sobering and hopeful.
amanda wallin Nov 9, 2006, 7:01pm EST
Wow, Liz, you can say the same for yourself....
Nathan Schauer Nov 9, 2006, 9:28pm EST
The poem captures the rhythm of 'earth currents' that are alluded to by 'waxing and waning'. While the poem concentrates on an individual, the analogy to currents, the breathing in and out of the planet take this to another level, suggesting perhaps that the subject of the poem is tuned to the Earth for better or worse.
Cecile V. Nov 9, 2006, 9:49pm EST
Amanda...in the end aren't we all mentally ill? Whose to say? Isn't a fine line between sane and sanity? Once again thank you for letting us inside!
June M Nov 9, 2006, 10:15pm EST
Amanda, I found your soul mate. lol... Check out Guy:
http://www.gather.com/viewArticle.jsp?articleId=281474976831177

His other poetry is great, too.
amanda wallin Nov 9, 2006, 10:26pm EST
I think I already found one my dear!
libramoon C. Nov 9, 2006, 10:56pm EST
Radiant!
Serina Matteson Nov 9, 2006, 11:42pm EST
Dammit, Amanda, you are just to brilliant for your pants. Oh, wait, that's suppose to be,"I'm to sexy for my pants." Regardless, you are freaking amazing. I would give my teeth to be able to write like you. You have decribed us so beautifully. And that my dear gorgeous woman, is a gift to turn this illness, that can be so ugly at times, into something so alluring and awesome. I bow to you.
Kathryn E. Nov 10, 2006, 3:23am EST
Raw and beautiful, Amanda.
HGM Moya Goatley Nov 10, 2006, 4:13am EST
Glow on and on Amanda, the world needs you. I'm so pleased that you republished this. I shall now go and read it again. Moya
Carol Roach Nov 10, 2006, 6:27am EST
simply wonderful
Terry Collett Nov 10, 2006, 1:10pm EST
I like the style and way you engage the reader into the core of your poem's being.

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