Who Needs A Prenup?

This afternoon I was talking to my friends Josh and Cliff, and the conversation naturally turned to Paul McCartney's breakup with Heather Mills. Ok, this may only be natural for three guys who all follow different spectator sports, who don't hunt or play golf, and are too married and too old to chase women. Trust me, none of us reads People magazine. Really.

Well, Josh might.

Anyway, Cliff mentioned that the unpleasantness between Sir Paul and Lady Heather was made worse by the lack of a prenuptial agreement. Worse to the tune of about $200 million out of Paul's hard-earned stash, leaving him to make do with just a little less than $700 million.

Needless to say, we were outraged! A couple more blunders like that and the old Beatle would be buying his foie gras at Costco!

And it got us thinking about our own situations - it turns out the one thing we all have in common with Paul McCartney is the lack of a prenuptial agreement. So a little later when I got home I found my wife sitting in the living room reading a book, and I said, "Honey, I think we should get a prenup."

"A what?"

"A prenup - you know, a document that spells out in detail how we're going to handle the finances in our marriage."

She turned the page. "Did you hit your head on the dryer vent again?"

"Not yet today. And I'm serious, we need a prenup."

"'Prenuptial' means 'before marriage.' We've been married 31 years."

"I should really consider protecting the assets I brought into this relationship. I don't know what I could have been thinking."

"You brought a car and a guitar into this relationship. And, I'm pretty sure, that t-shirt you have on."

"And what about our son?"

"He didn't even have a guitar when he came out. Thank God."

I could see that this was going to require an approach steeped in fiscal logic. "So how about all the assets we've accumulated?"

"Yeah, that is a problem. We'd have to take out a loan to pay for a prenup, which should tell you something about all the assets we've accumulated."

"How about that annuity thingy we put away for retirement?"

"We spent that last month, fixing the door latch on the dishwasher."

"Oh yeah." I was getting frustrated. "Look, Josh told me that Heather offered to sign a prenup, and Paul turned her down, and now here he is up to his keister in Costco foie gras!"

"You did too hit your head on the dryer vent."

Just then the phone rang. It was Josh. "So," he said, "Have you talked your wife into signing a prenup yet?"

"Not yet. Any luck on your end?"

"Well no, but I'm pretty sure I'm about ten words away from moving my assets into the garage."

"How do you know that?"

"Because that's what she just told me."

"Ten words away from moving your assets into the garage? Wow!" I looked at my wife, who was looking at me and holding up five fingers.

Ok, I guess we can do without a prenup.

Copyright © 2006, Michael Ball

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