When I was in high school, there was a guy in my class that every girl in a 50 mile radius had a crush on. Myself included. He was the epitome of high school hotness. Dark, short hair. Smoldering, mysterious eyes. A killer smile flanked with perfect movie star dimples. And at well over 6 feet, his handsome face was always on display above the rest of the crowd. His height made him rather hard to miss in the crowded hallways...he stood out like a giant redwood in a field of shrubs.
His name was Bryce XXXXX.
I had Bryce in a couple of my classes, but never had the guts to approach him. He was a king in the school. All good looks and athleticism---I was the fat chick with glasses who was too smart for her own good and who hung out with the other misfits in the audio/visual group. I'd spent the majority of my educational years being taunted and teased by people just like Bryce, my fragile ego and wounded sense of self worth prohibited me from saying anything to Bryce...or the others like him...ever.
But my personal insecurities, and the fact that he and his jerky friends were mean to me didn't keep me from daydreaming of Bryce and admiring him from a distance. High school crushes aren't logical. Here was a guy who treated me like shit on a regular, daily basis, and yet I still thought he hung the moon. I can vividly remember a time---in one of our classes--where I spent the whole period watching his features shimmer and change due to the flickering images from the film projector. If someone offered me a million dollars if I could tell them something...ANYTHING...about the movie that played that day, I'd never see a penny of that money. But I can describe...in detail...how Bryce's eyelashes seemed to have grown and spilled onto his cheeks on that day. I was mesmerized.
I was absolutely in awe.
But, as so often happens, my crush on Bryce faded and was replaced with other crushes and eventually with real loves and real heartbreaks.
From time to time, I'd run into another classmate who had associated with Bryce in school, or they'd mention his name (which happens more often than you'd think in a small town like mine...especially when Bryce is the only classmate of ours who joined the military and got shipped off to Iraq), and I'd remember my crush on the tall boy and smile...I'd send up a silent wish that he and his unit would return home to their families and friends safely.
Then, before I could get too lost in nostalgia, life would intercede and yank me back into the here and now, and I'd forget...again...all about Bryce.
Well, yesterday while I was at work, guess who wandered into the pawn shop looking for all the world just as he had in high school?
Yeah.
He hasn't changed much..a little older around his eyes and a couple streaks of gray in his dark hair, but it was like it was 1989 again and I was back in Denfeld High School...right down to the butterflies in my stomach at the very sight of him.
It was weird.
What was weirder was the fact that the guy that I'd never said more than three words to in my entire life, who I assumed wouldn't have any clue who I was, greeted me by name.
"Hey Lisa!"
"Hey Bryce."
He comes to the counter and lays down a medium sized black case.
"Listen, I'm in a tight spot and I need a little help. I was wondering if I could get a loan on this."
I open the case and find a high end alto sax. It's in great condition. No dings. No bumps. No scratches. Not so much as a fingerprint on the shiny brass. It's as close to perfect as I've seen one.
"How much are you looking for Bryce?"
Which was obviously the wrong question for me to ask him because before I knew it, he launches into a big song and dance about how, while he was in Iraq "dodging bullets", his wife was home spending all their money and not paying the bills. So when Bryce gets back home, the house was in foreclosure and all of the utilities have been turned off. He went on to explain that he'd used all the money he'd made during his tour of duty to pay up the house payment and caught up on a few other things, but how now he needed to come up with about 300 bucks to get the electricity turned back on so that his sump pump will keep running while he goes to Texas to turn in his duty gear.
Unfortunately, we couldn't help him in our shop. But we sent him to another one. A bigger pawn shop with satellite shops all over MN and The Dakotas. We thought that if anyone would be able to give him the kind of loan he was looking for, then they'd be able to do it.
He was rather bummed, but he went...and on his way out the door, he told us that he'd be back in the area of our shop a little later, and that he'd stop back in and let us know how it went at the other shop.
I figured that was going to be the last we'd see of him.
But, true to his word, he showed back up about 30 minutes later. He came in and told us that the other shop hadn't been able to help him either, but that it was cool because he had talked to someone he knows and they were going to lend him the money.
So problem solved.
I thanked him for the update and went back to studying vaccinations for a test I was having in a couple hours. I'd figured that Bryce would leave once he'd passed on the information he'd promised us.
I was wrong.
He came over to where I was studying and started chatting with me like we've been friends forever:
"So, Lisa, how have you been?"
"Um...since high school? I've been good. How about you?"
"Well, obviously I've been busy. I joined the military right out of high school. Got married to Edie XXXX...do you remember her? No? Ah well...we got married, and now I've got a 12 year old son. Then I did a tour in Iraq and now I'm back home. What are you studying?"
Now, at this point, I was totally confused. I'm not a friend of Bryce's. I've never been in his social circle, so I'm a little stunned that I'm standing here having this conversation with someone who's pretty much a stranger to me. Not just a stranger though...I talk to them every day...this is a stranger that I was crushing on for the better part of 3 years...Like I said before....it was weird.
"Veterinary medicine. Sounds like you really were busy."
"Oh, so you're going to be a vet? That's cool. I wanted to be a vet at one point, but then I was too much into partying and decided to get into the military for the discipline. Are you going to work in a clinic or animal hospital or something? What are you reading?"
He picked up the book that I'd been scanning. I guess me having it right in front of me wasn't a subtle enough hint that I was in the middle of something. Next time I'm going to have to slap his hands or something....
"Vaccinations. We have a test on vaccines tonight, and I forgot all about it until about 10 minutes ago. I'm gonna fail it...lol"
"I can quiz you on them if you want...."
"Thanks, but I'm going to pass....I really need to go over them a little more before I have someone start quizzing me on them."
But Bryce decided I'd studied enough and began rattling off vaccinations to me. Suprisingly, I got most of them right, so I guess I knew them a little more than I'd expected. The whole time he was tossing questions at me, he was just generally talking as well. At one point he said that he 'used to be' conceited...from where I was standing by that point, it wasn't a 'used to be' sort of thing. The one thing I was learning rather quickly was that there's nothing Bryce likes to talk about as much as himself. Self centered doesn't even begin to describe it....but I digress....
"You know, I don't remember you going to any parties or anything in school. Didn't you go out?"
"Not really Bryce. I was kind of a loner."
"How come?"
At this point, I actually looked at him with an expression that I'm sure was a combination of absolute confusion and something akin to surprise...
"Really?"
"Yeah. How come you didn't come party with us?"
"Because you guys made me miserable in high school. You and the rest of the jocks picked on me and teased me and sent me home in tears at least twice a week. And on those rare occasions when one of you was nice to me it was because you wanted something. THAT'S why I didn't come party with you guys."
Now it was his turn to look confused....but it didn't last very long.
"Wow. You sound bitter."
"I am. High school was horrible for me. And I've spent the last 15 years trying to get over it."
"Well, it's been a long time...it's time for you to move past it."
That was it. I'd reached my point of compassion and understanding and common niceness with him.
"You know...you're probably right. So here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to drop it right now and then in 15 years, I'm going to swing by your house and ask you if you've 'gotten over' the fact that your wife spent the whole time you were in Iraq 'dodging bullets' fucking someone else. You let me know how that worked out for you...okay?"
The look on his face made me feel bad...for all of 2 seconds. Then I remembered all the horrible things he and his friends had said to me back then. All the times they called me fat. All the times they'd oink as I walked past them in the lunch room. All the times one of them stuck a foot out to trip me as I walked past. And all the things I missed out on, like prom and homecoming and football games, because I was too afraid to face them to go.
For just a few minutes, I felt good. I was glad that I hurt his feelings. I was happy that I'd hit an emotion. I was proud of myself for hurting him because finally he was getting a little taste of what my life was back then thanks to him and his friends. And before I could wimp out and apologize, I walked into the back of the store and left Bryce standing there at the counter.
I didn't go back up front until he left.
Maybe 40 minutes later, the phone rang.
"Pawn Shop."
"Lisa"
"David"
(my boss is the only one who says 'lisa' when I answer the phone...and he and Bryce do sound a lot alike)
"No. It's Bryce."
"Yeah. What can I do for you?"
"What time are you done with class tonight?"
"9:30. Why?"
"Meet me for a beer."
"No. Thanks, but I'm gonna pass."
"Seriously. Meet me. "
"I can't. I've got stuff that needs to get done for tomorrow's class. Thanks Bryce...really...but...."
"Listen. I'll be at Grandma's right by DBU at 9:30. Meet me and we'll talk. But just as friends...okay? Because I've had this problem when I want to, you know, be friends with someone and they think that it's going to be something else because I'm good looking and stuff....okay? And I've dealt with people judging me on my looks for my whole life, so we'll just meet as friends and talk...okay?"
"Um...I'll see what I can do Bryce...okay?"
"Yeah. See you at 9:30. I'll have a beer waiting for you."
I wonder what he thought at 9:30 when he was sitting at the bar, with a beer ordered for me getting warm in the spot where I would have been had I showed up?
Must suck to find out that you're not as irresistible as you thought you were.
So the moral of my story is this....careful what you wish for, because you just might get it, and then you'll find out that when dreams come true, they are rarely as wonderful as you thought they were going to be.
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