Twenty-seven years ago when I got married, I was an optimistic young bride. In my eyes, love was all that we needed to survive in marriage. I saw money as being unimportant. It just wasn't a big deal to me, and I believed anyone who thought otherwise was shallow. I failed to see how naive I was.
When we got married, my husband was fresh out of college and a member of the Air National Guard. He also had a job as an Assistant Manager in a store. I was still in college. We lived in a little apartment and were very happy. We had a car which we were making payments on. Other than that, we had no debt. And we agreed we would not go into debt.
The truth of the matter is, we would never have gone and applied for a credit card. But about the time our vacuum cleaner broke down, we got an offer in the mail saying we had been pre-approved for a credit card of $500. All we had to do was sign and mail back the form. So we did, not really thinking they would give us one. Our income wasn't that high.
But to our surprise, we did get one. And since we did not have the cash for a new vacuum, we decided to use the card...just that once. It's amazing how powerful it can be to have a credit card. It really seems at the time of purchase that you aren't paying that much, because you aren't...at least at that moment. It just doesn't seem to hit you that every month you make a minimum payment you are paying a lot more than the original price of the item. The only thing that seemed to stick in our minds was the thought, "$25 a month? That's nothing. We can pay that."
Well, this mental attitude got us in a world of trouble financially. As soon as we got one card, other companies began sending us cards. About this time, our friends were buying new homes filled with nice new furniture and appliances. Not wanting to be behind them, we took our credit cards and did the same. It wasn't long before we were $10,000 in debt to credit cards alone. Along with that we had a house payment and car payment. Then the children came, which only meant even more money going out. Soon we were borrowing from one credit card to pay another credit card. My husband worked three jobs for many years, because we wanted for me to stay home with the kids. And quite honestly, the cost of day care was out of the question for us. By now, nobody would have granted us anymore credit, which was actually a blessing in disguise.
The next fifteen years were a financial nightmare for us. We could never seem to get ahead. We were making minimum payments on the credit cards, along with late fees from where we just didn't have the payment at times to send. And it seemed that as much as we paid, the balance would hardly go down at all. We would send in a thirty dollar payment, and only five dollars would go to the principle. The rest was eaten away with interest charges or late charges.
It came to a point that we needed another car. But we had no cash saved. And to buy a new car would mean an extremely high interest rate due to our credit history. So we ended up actually buying a used car with one of our credit cards that we had actually paid off...thinking we would at least save on insurance costs, because we would only have to purchase liability. This was one of the stupidest things we have ever done. We were actually paying on the car ten years after it stopped running.
Today we are finally completely out of debt, thanks to an inheritance received a year or so ago. But it took a huge chunk of the money, and soon we will be back to making ends meet, hopefully in a healthier manner. We will NOT go into debt ever again.
If I could give one bit of counsel to any young couple starting their life together, it would be this. Do NOT go into debt. Period. It is a relationship killer. Nothing else has caused more stress, turmoil, or anxiety in our marriage than our years of indebtedness...which has been most of our marriage.
I would tell couples not to worry if your friends have more STUFF than you do. So what? It truly is no big deal. Chances are they are in debt in order to have those things that mean absolutely nothing.
I have gone through a good part of my adult life wishing I had things that I don't have. And this covetousness is what led to our indebtedness. And the thing is, nothing that we bought with those credit cards contributed one iota to our happiness. As a matter of fact, it had the opposite effect.
You don't know how many days I have spent at home crying, wishing my husband was home with us rather than out working three jobs. You don't know how much guilt I felt because I could not afford day care so I could help contribute more financially. The price was huge, and the toll on our marriage was nearly catastrophic.
I would tell couples that they are not what they own. A giant house filled with all of the luxuries is not who you are. A big SUV is not who you are. Having the name brand clothing is not who you are. And if you think that any of these things increases your value as a person, you will one day find yourself looking in the mirror with tears running down your face surrounded by it all, wondering why you are so miserable.
Think about it before you apply for those credit cards. And don't be afraid to cut up the ones you have. When you free yourself of debt, you will truly feel free in a way you have never felt before.
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Comments: 31
Here's the website for more information:
http://www.yourmoneyoryourlife.org/
My husband and I stumbled upon this book when we were first starting out and we have lived by these principles and haven't found it that difficult or constraining. Although, many people find us somewhat odd and others make fun of us by calling us frugal or cheapskates, but who really cares?
This is a great article, with very good advice! But, did you know, some places penalize you for using cash, and give 'reward' for using credit?
It is certainly easy to be buried in debt in very little time!
Wow. We can all identify. An inheritance is the only thing that pulled me out this last time, too and I gouged my lifetime reserves of 35,000. I just closed about 5 accounts also. I would collect them gradually because my others would reach a point where I was no longer comfortable and so I wanted the illusion of starting with a "clean slate". Eighteen thousand of that debt was a second mortgage I had taken out in order to pay off my last big "purge". I once bought a car for my son out of a credit card too.
The thing is, in this economy how are we supposed to pay for those essentials that come up, like say, the vacuum cleaner or the car breaking down? Unexpected expenses slam us at every turn. I think money is the single most worrisome thing in my life and I am obsessed over trying to control it. I would be even more of a nervous wreck if I had another person involved because that would give me even less control.
Bard....what an interesting comment you made, and soo true. Being in debt most definitely can keep you in an undesirable relationship.
Firoze....that's WONDERFUL that you all have never had a credit card. You are living proof that it IS possible!
Right On.
Again I find we have similar stories. We've been married for 25 years. Before marriage i had a credit card which i managed well. I put myself through college and graduate school ending up with just $2,000 debt which i paid off before marriage.
I also remember being in Denver when i was in my late 20s working and at a hotel for a conference. They were VERY suspicious of me because i wanted to pay in cash; so, i had to get that first credit card.
Also, as a young christian in my 20s i remember believing that because i loved Jesus, no experience would be difficult. This is where i was gullible because of wrong spiritual teachings.
Credit has been a struggle even though we've always had second hand everything. The most difficult was moving to FL into a wonderful, but modest, large home on a lake and putting our children in an excellent classical school. We have stayed in debt for years at about the rate our christian school debt is.
My husband is a very hard and tireless worker and very frugal and faithful. He has has to work 6 days a week for over a year trying to get out of debt. finally we have the cards (two) paid off and do have a loan, from our own savings that we are still paying off. this is much less painful.
I totally understand the coveting problem; it is at the center of our very broken souls to want what we can't have and believe that the having will heal our brokenness.
thanks dear.
Cathryn
We live simply, compared to a lot of people I know. But yeah, probably everybody in the world has financial pressures they cannot face easily.
Credit card companies are horrible. I use my store department store charge and my Visa debit check card only. I refuse to use other cards. No need, actually. Mu husband uses one Visa card, period. And rarely.
Gotta find out from Clare which thrift shop...several great ones, I hear.
I hope alot of young folks read your good words.
I wish I had credit cards, the trick is not to buy what you don't need just because it is easy.
I know many people who buy something on credit lets say something worth 100, pay it off before every purchasing anything else,
you went overboard as many people do including myself when I had a card,
I have seen from people much wiser than I how to manage a credit card properly.
I wish young peoole would read and learn.
Unfortunately, there are things you can't do witout a credit card, such as rent a car. I'd rather use a debit card, but some places won't take them or cash.
You have to use great restraint and discipline with credit cards.