Traditionally, Chinese women were considered the men's property once married. The husband's family name was "crowned" to the woman's name, i.e., added on top of the woman's own family name. However, the woman still kept her own family name.
In the modern days, no woman crowns her husband's family name any more. Chinese women maintain their own names for their entire lifetime.
When I first came to America and opened my first US checking account, the banker asked me to provide my mother's maiden name as a security password. I had no idea what a maiden name was. He explained that it was the last name my mother used before she got married. I understood what he was saying, but the idea sounded ridiculous, since her last name (family name) had never changed!
When I learned that American women would change their last names to the husbands' last names, I was totally amazed. For me, it would mean that the women are abandoning their own families. Maintaining one's family name is a very huge deal for Chinese people.
When I got married, I refused to change my last name (family name). It took some work to make my husband understand where I was coming from. And I am still not sure he really understands.
So, if you are an American guy and you have a Chinese girlfriend, I hope you don't give her a hard time when she refuses to change her last name when you get married.
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Comments: 7
However, since I grew up in the U.S., I did not have as much of a problem as you have. My cousins all did not change their names - they came later to the U.S. But yes, I can see the problem, lol! Fortunately, my family understood and yes I still talk to them lots. So no disconnection there.
I did get in some trouble with having a different last name from my husband, in terms of insurance paperwork, etc. But for me, the hassle is worthwhile. :-) Besides, I also saved some trouble because I didn't have to change my driver's license, SSN, payroll records, bank records, etc, etc, etc.
We also add our mother's surname-maiden name-family name to our father's....... and when you marry you just add the husbands last name at the end with the possesive de (of) - that's why you see so many people with Spanish names have a string of last names atached at the end - but we never lose our own identities
In other words, last say my birth name was/is:
Maria Lucia Rodriguez (father's last name) Garcia (mother's last name)
People knew right of who you were, and that you were the daughter of the Rodriguez who had married a Garcia.
Then you married Juan Perez:
Your name now is Maria Lucia Rodriguez de Perez (you may drop your mom's last name, but you don't drop your father's family name - some people keep both and then add the husband's)
If you become a widow then you go by:
Maria Lucia Rodriguez Viuda (or Vda) de Perez
But you go through life with your own identity. When I married an American I did change it to his to follow custom and so it would not be confusing....he also adopted my son, so his name was also changed.
After my divorce, I went back, legally, to my own birth name as it was on my birth certificate, so I now go by both my father's AND my mother's family names, but so as not to be called "Ms My Mom's last name" I chose to hyphonate them.
When I married Walker, I kept that name. Since there was not enough room on our address labels for our full names, they just read "Christensen & Bennett"
I just started a new group tonight. I think this article would be PERFECT! Please post this to
http://missmrsms.gather.com/