"Aw, come on, Doctor. It'll be fun!"
The Doctor raised his eyebrow and stared at Rose.
"Spending the night with your mum and Mickey is not my idea of fun." He replied.
"Yeah, but my mum wants us to spend Halloween night with her. She's gonna make us dinner and we'll watch some scary movies."
She grabbed the Doctor's arm and gave him her best puppy dog look
"Please…for me?" she asked sweetly.
The Doctor stared at her.
"It's not fair when you make that face." He said. "You know I can't resist it."
"I know. That's why I'm using it."
The Doctor sighed.
"Okay, as long as you are with me. That's the only way I'll be able to stand it."
The Doctor smiled and kissed her on the lips. Rose stroked his cheek and ran off to get ready as he looked on with love in his eyes.
"God, I'm so glad I love Rose so much cause her mum's about to drive me batty." He muttered as he sat on Jackie's couch.
He rolled his eyes as Jackie leaned out of the kitchen.
"Is pot roast okay, love?" she said.
"Yes, Jackie." The Doctor replied, trying to keep his temper after hearing her ask the same question for the 50th time. "Whatever you fix is fine. I'm not picky."
"I just want to make sure I fix something you'll eat. I don't know what aliens eat, you know."
"Okay, okay, I'll come clean. I don't eat anything except slugs, pond scum and moss from the planet Calaxia 13. Got any?"
"No, I don't."
"Well, then I guess I'll have to starve then." He said, folding his arms over his chest.
Rose appeared behind Jackie and shot him a look.
"The Doctor eats human food, mum. Just fix him the roast and potatoes and he'll be fine." She said.
Jackie let out an exasperated sigh and headed back into the kitchen.
"You're gonna drive my mum insane, you know."
"Not before she drives me insane, and she will, if she asks me again what I want to eat."
"She's just worried. She's still getting used to you being an alien. I think she's still trying to get over you regeneratin' too. I think she's afraid if you eat the wrong thing you'll change."
"With her cooking, I just might."
He grinned as she slapped his shoulder and went back into the kitchen.
"So what's this movie again?" The Doctor said as Rose handed him a plate of roast, potatoes and carrots.
"Friday the 13th Part 2. Seen it?" Rose asked.
"No, I really don't fancy horror movies. I see enough horror as it is." He said.
Mickey put in the DVD and settled in the chair beside him as the movie started. The Doctor smiled at Rose as she set beside him on the couch and Jackie sat beside her. Rose switched off the light and all of them relaxed and ate their meals while the movie played.
"Ever notice how humans are dumber than usual in these things?"
Everyone looked at the Doctor. He shrugged.
"Well, they are. It seems like humans lose all common sense in these movies."
"I thought you said you've never seen horror movies." Mickey challenged.
"I said I don't fancy horror movies. I have seen a few. That's why I don't fancy them. They're moronic, tasteless, and completely without merit. And…the humans run around acting dumber than usual in them."
"What do you mean dumber than usual?" Jackie said angrily.
"I mean humans as a whole do dumb things." The Doctor replied. "Don't believe me? Look at global warning, pollution, constant warfare, the Macarena…I rest my case."
Rose giggled as Jackie rolled her eyes.
Rose looked up at the Doctor.
"How come whenever you get chased by a psychopathic monster, you don't end up in your knickers?"
Rose giggled as Mickey and Jackie stared at him in shock.
"What? That's what all the girls do in these things. They run around and lose all their clothes. I've never seen Rose do that."
"Why, you want me to or somethin'?" Rose asked, raising her eyebrow.
The Doctor gave her an evil grin.
"Tell ya what? The next time we're runnin' for our lives, I'll slow down enough so you can rip my clothes off me one by one and…"
"You will not!" Jackie said shocked. "I won't have you running around some strange planet in your knickers. Do you hear me, young lady?"
"Mum, he's kiddin'"
"Just the same. You will not be takin' your clothes off on another planet because if I find out you have, they'll be Hell to pay, young lady."
"Yes, mum." Rose replied, rolling her eyes.
She glanced over at the Doctor and grinned as he nudged her side and waggled his eyebrows. Rose leaned against his shoulder as they went back to watching the movie.
"And another thing…" the Doctor added. "I've never seen Rose run for two seconds, trip, fall, run for another two seconds, trip, fall, run for another two seconds…"
"Well they do." The Doctor said, grinning. "It doesn't matter if the thing chasing them goes .002 miles per hour; they always end up killing the person because apparently when they run, there's a line of invisible banana peels in their path. From what I've seen so far, this Jason chap is dumber than a box of rocks, yet he's able to kill everyone because the humans can't stay on their bloody feet. If you did that, you would have been dead the first day!"
"Well, I'm good at avoiding the banana peels."
"Yes, you are."
Rose and the Doctor leaned in and kissed each other.
"Oi, I'm right here." Mickey said angrily.
The Doctor broke off the kiss and looked over at him.
"And so you are! Spot on, Mickey Smith. Ten points to you for identifying your location! You're a lot smarter than I thought."
"Ha, ha, that's real rich, that is." Mickey said as the Doctor and Rose giggled.
Jackie got up and collected the empty plates.
"I'm gonna make some biscuits for us, you just keep watching the movie."
The three of them nodded and went back to the movie as Jackie carried the plates into the kitchen.
The Doctor grinned. He nudged Rose and mouthed "Watch this." as she looked up at him. He put a finger to his lips and then put his hand down to his side. He waited a moment and then without warning, he flung his arms out of Mickey and screamed…
He and Rose giggled as Mickey jumped in his chair and let out a high-pitched squeal.
The Doctor winked at Rose.
"Can I just say I don't think I'll ever get tired of hearing his girly scream? I think it's so cute! I think when we leave here we should go back to the 18th century and pass the boy off as a castrato. He'd be a hit and we could make a fortune off of him."
"You aren't passin' me off as no castrato." Mickey said, glaring at him
"Oh, you don't even know what a castrato is."
"I do too."
"What is it then?" The Doctor challenged, looking him in the eyes.
Mickey paused as the Doctor gave him a smug grin.
"You don't know, do you?"
"Yes, I know."
"Well…what is it?"
Mickey mumbled something under his breath.
"What was that?" the Doctor said, putting his hand to his ear. "I didn't quite get the ending of that."
"What? Still couldn't get it. Speak up, man!"
"Thought so." The Doctor said, giving him a smug grin.
"Doctor, behave yourself." Jackie yelled from the kitchen.
"Yes, mum!" The Doctor yelled back.
He grinned at Rose.
"You know what a castrato is, don't you?" he asked her.
"Course I do." Rose replied.
"What is it?"
Rose glanced down at his crotch.
"A boy who's had his naughty bits cut off so he can sing like a soprano."
"Oi, you aren't cutting my dick off so you can make me a soprano." Mickey protested.
"We don't have to cut your dick off. You're already higher than Mariah Carey. If we castrated you, you'd be a human dog whistle!" the Doctor shot back.
Mickey grumbled something under his breath as Rose and the Doctor looked at each other and snickered.
Rose leaned in.
"Well, it's nice to know you haven't been castrated." She whispered.
"Oh no, my bits are still there and in perfect working order. 900 years old and I still don't need Viagra. A fact I'm very proud of, I might add."
Rose giggled as the Doctor kissed the top of her head.
"OH NO! DON'T GO IN THERE YOU GIT! WHAT ARE YOU DOING? TURN THE BLEEDING LIGHT ON, YOU FOOL! DO YOU WANT TO DIE? FOR PITY'S SAKE, DON'T GO INTO THAT EMPTY ROOM IN THE DARK!"
The Doctor looked at Rose.
"What the Hell are you doin'?"
"Talking back to the movie. Isn't that what you're supposed to do with these idiots so they don't die?"
"Yeah, I guess so." She said, giggling.
"Well then…OI? DIDN'T YOU HEAR ME, YOU WANKER! YOU'RE GONNA GET KIL…oh bollocks, too late. Never mind. NOW SEE IF YOU'D LISTEN TO ME, YOU'D STILL BE BREATHING, EH? I'M THE DOCTOR AND IF THERE'S ONE THING I KNOW IT'S YOU DON'T GO IN A DARK ROOM WITHOUT A WEAPON AND STAND AROUND WITH A DUMB LOOK ON YOUR FACE SAYING "DUH" UNTIL YOU GET A KNIFE IN THE GUT! FOCUS! Oh wait, you can't focus 'cause you're DEAD! WELL, CHEERS MATE, YOU JUST RAISED THE COLLECTIVE INTELLIGENCE OF THE HUMAN GENE POOL BY OFFING YOURSELF. BRAVO!"
"Doctor, stop that bloody screaming." Jackie yelled from the kitchen.
"But you're suppose to…"
"Doctor, I think you better do what mum wants before you're the one who gets the knife in the gut." Rose said.
The Doctor sighed.
"Oh all right, I'm just trying to fit in, is all." He said.
"You wanna fit in? You can shut up for a start and let some of us watch the movie in peace." Mickey mumbled.
"Oh, I'm so sorry. I didn't realize this movie was so riveting that you have to watch it in complete silence. A thousand pardons."
He grinned at Rose and put his finger to his lips.
"Shhhhh," he said. "We have to be quiet so Celine Dion over there can hear the movie."
"Hey, I heard that!"
"Well, good, considering you're five feet away from me. I'm glad you heard it. Means you aren't deaf. Now, that you're hearing's been checked you can get back to watching Masterpiece Theater…I mean Friday the 13th. Sorry, I get the two things confused all the time since they are soooooo much alike."
He turned to Rose.
"I better shut up now before Tiny Tim goes off on me."
Rose bent over laughing as Mickey gave him a look of death.